What Now? Life Coaching. - Mushroom to Sunflower Blog

Holiday Stress Much?

4/12/2018

If the upcoming holiday season has you feeling anything less than enthusiastic, I’m here to help.

Expectation Check
This is a stressful time of year and it is fraught with expectations (can you say, ‘possibly unrealistic?’) and pressures. The expectation that everyone and everything be jolly puts even more strain on any condition we are already experiencing.

Loss: If we’ve suffered any kind of loss, the grief is intensified.
Loneliness: If we experience feelings of loneliness, we feel even more alone now.
Not Where You Want to Be: If our situations are less than ideal, the expectations arising this time of year, make us feel even lesser than.

Emotional Check
If you are experiencing any of the following in relation to the upcoming Holiday Season:
Anxiety/worry
Dread
Overall low energy
Sickness – colds, flus, muscle aches
Insomnia
Panic Attacks
I have so much compassion for you! 'been there, done all of that. You could use some support.

What You Really Need
Sure, read the Self-Help/DYI stuff. There are thousands of self-help hints appearing everywhere, (here’s a ‘gooder’ I wrote previously - Happy Holiday Pre-Plan).

But, having a safe place to vent and someone to provide actual, helpful feedback and suggestions for effective shifts that apply to your unique situation, is most helpful.

Instead of crossing your fingers, hoping this time things will be different, (when you know with absolute certainty it won’t!) or white knuckling through, filled with resentment and left empty, tired and/or sad, I have helpful ways that can shift, firstly you, and possibly whole situations.

Allow the season to be different for you. In order for something to be different, only one thing needs to change. That something can be you.

Give Yourself the Gift of Support.

#holidaystressless
#callyourcoach
#willcoachwithsantaheadbandon

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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Your Answer is Upside Down and Backwards

8/11/2018

Many of us have set out in life with a picture of what we DON’T want, only to discover, over time, that we have, in fact, produced exactly what we didn’t want. Can you relate? How does this happen?

My Certifier, teacher and mentor, Dr. Martha Beck taught me we perceive our world as an upside down negative. Remember those old, early cameras where the photographer would bend over, put his head under a cloth and stare through the lens of his box camera? He would see his subject upside down. The undeveloped template would show the subject backwards, as well, the right would be on the left and the left on the right.

We Are Seeing the Undeveloped Negative

What we really want, what we desire, often presents this way—upside down. What we really want may show up as a big problem. The solutions are the undeveloped negative— backwards—appearing as as an ending point instead of the beginning.

The Formula for Developing the Negative

1) Describe/Identify the Negative
This is the problem. This is what I DON’T want.
Example: I’m overweight, I’m low on money and I have no friends.

2) Describe the Right-Side Up
This is what I DO want
Example: I feel good in my body, I am financially secure, and I have love and support

3) Put the End at the Beginning and Apply Problem-Solving Efforts to the Solution, NOT the Problem!
Instead of attacking the problem—overweight, low income, no friends, we apply our efforts to the solution—feel good, secure, loved and supported.
The problem-solving then becomes focused on the positive; how do we go about becoming someone who feels good in our body, has enough money and is loved and supported?

Why You Have Produced What You Don’t Want

Unfortunately, many of us have set out in life with a picture of what we DON’T want and end up getting exactly that. This is because our minds are awesome (!), we’ve fed our mind the negative picture (the problem), so that is what it processed.

Our Minds are Processors

Our minds process the information it is given. Our minds do not generate the information.
If we feed our minds the positive picture (what we DO want), it will process that. You will notice that when focused on the ‘positive’ picture, the mind will find creative, up-lifting solutions easily and probably fast and furiously!

Your mind will search for things to support what you focus on. It searches for the information, either already stored, or outside, in the environment, that will give you the picture you have pre-determined. Once our mind is processing, the body, emotions and spirit line up in response.

Master Mind Processors

Just a few examples:
Dr. Joe Dispenza—rebuilt his broken spine with the power of his mind —no surgery!
Roger Bannister ran the first 4-minute mile. He practiced visualizing the time clock at 4 minutes before he raced.
The Placebo Effect—Peoples’ diseases go away when they believe a medication will cure them.

Do you want to discover your true desire? Turn your problem upside down and backwards.

‘need some help figuring out your problem?

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

#theanswerisintheproblem #feedyourmindthepositive #upsidedownandbackwards

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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When You've Been Made the Villain

31/10/2018

Sometimes You’re the Villain

In everyday life, no one believes themselves to be an intentionally bad person. We are all the victim and the hero in our own stories. In order to be the hero in a story, someone has to be the villain. We can sometimes find ourselves cast as the ‘villain’ in someone else’s’ story. This is a tough pill to swallow. We will feel wronged.

In any relationship, when our feelings are hurt—we are emotionally wounded—we will respond in either of two ways. Defend or attack. We defend ourselves by putting up walls/cutting off or retreating. Or, we attack, attempting to wound in return.

If we are wanting to be evolved humans, if we are wanting relationships in our lives to be different, to last, to expand and grow, then neither of these responses help, because we are acting from a place of pain and fear.

So, what are we to do if we feel that we have been wrongly cast as the villain in someone’s story?

Steps to Addressing Your Villain Role

Acknowledge the Hurt You Feel
Feel the pain of it. Allow all the thoughts and emotions to arise and name them. Yes, even the immature, petty, not-very-evolved-thoughts and feelings. It is difficult enough having painful emotions and thoughts, but we have a tendency to add judgement and criticism on top of them; as in; I shouldn’t feel this way/I-shouldn’t have these thoughts. We can't move forward holding on to wounds. Do not act (attack mode) on these thoughts and emotions, just allow them.

Seek Understanding
Ask yourself; Have I ever acted toward someone the way this person is acting toward me? Have I ever vilified someone? Have I ever judged someone? Gossiped about them? Have I ever dismissed someone-made them ‘less than?’ Have I de-personalized/de-humanized someone? You see where I’m going?

Mine the Situation for Truth
Does what ‘they’ believe about me have any validity? If yes, then you can apologize, make restitution and show up better once you are out of pain and fear. If there is no truth to their aspersions, then don’t allow their view of you to diminish how you show up in the world. (Defense mode.)

The beginning of freeing yourself from the villain role starts with letting go of the wound and with humanizing the ‘other. ‘They’ are not so unlike me. There is a reason they see you the way they see you, because the victim needs a villain in order to become the hero.

And just something to think about…Whom have you cast as the villain in your story? Can you be a hero in your life without having a villain?

#i'mthevillain #victimtohero

Stuck in Defense or Attack?

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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Do You Ask the Universe?

24/10/2018

Scanning through the various social media feeds I am bombarded with most days, I stopped to peruse one article about asking the Universe for a sign. (I understand Universe to mean God, Higher Power, Consciousness, etc..) If they can't see it, I will lead my clients through a life/timeline review that very quickly helps us to identify the synchronicity and guidance present in their lives. I’ve had many experiences with synchronicities, dreams and uncanny guidance, but it had been a while since I had recognized a sign or wonder, so I decided to ‘play.’

Playing with the Universe
I followed the offered instructions;
I asked a specific question; I am signed up for some specific things in the coming weeks, so I asked, “Am I on the right track?”
I asked for a specific sign, in my case, I asked to see a feather (that’s the first thing that popped into my head!).
I then said aloud, three times, “I would like to see a feather, please.”

I then went on with my life, forgetting about this for several days. While prepping for sleep, I remembered my little experiment and felt a tad sad and disappointed. How hard can a feather be to find, I walk outside, in nature every day? And, I also thought, obviously, I must be off track.

The next day while exiting a Home Depot store, I looked down and directly before me lay a rather exotic looking feather. I was definitely NOT out in nature and it wasn’t a common type of bird feather I am familiar with. I said, ‘thank you!’ and felt warm and special.

Extra Winks and Nods
It seems that the Universe enjoys being playful, because each day since, I find feathers and I also found a dime! (dimes, for me, are a sign that loved ones who’ve passed are near). My belief that the Universe loves to play, interact and be asked to help has been bolstered.

How about you? Do you recall the last time you experienced direct interaction with your guidance? Can you trust that you are not alone? Can you ask for assistance and believe you will be answered?

#ask #universalguidance

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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You're Not Sucking as Much as You Think

17/10/2018

I am goal oriented and forward focused. It is easy for me to get caught up in always chasing the next thing and I admit, I exhaust myself. And, fun fact, there’s always something to chase, change and improve!

Filed and Forgotten
Our brains are wired to always look for danger or possible obstacles ahead. It also scans past every obstacle we have already overcome or threat we have averted, no longer registering them. We are forever gazing at the horizon for the next thing.

But, when it comes to building a life we desire, it is important to keep track, remember, note and celebrate all that has already been accomplished because when we file it under ‘been there, done that,’ we forget how successful we really are.

Review How You are NOT Sucking
I have a nightly writing practice of noting what I did right each day, what I accomplished. I allow myself to feel good about myself for at least a few minutes. This is how I counter my natural tendency to focus on all I could do, should do, my shortcomings and it stops me from stewing in my self-doubt and insecurity – which, I know from vast experience - is a habit that is very difficult to overcome!

Especially You Who are in the Midst of Transition/Transformation, you are more than likely feeling you’ve failed/are failing, you’re making mistakes, not doing enough or not doing it right. I encourage you to look at all that you are doing right, all the progress you’ve already made – the hard decisions, steps, work you’ve already been through – how you have weathered storms before and not only survived but came out better, stronger, more you. Trust that you will look back on this current struggle and see how it served you. (How is This Bad Thing a Good Thing?)

You're Not Sucking If:
You are alive.
You are fulfilling any obligation, commitment or promise (even just one!) to yourself.
You are fulfilling any obligation, commitment or promise (even just one!) to anyone else.

If you are doing the above and anything beyond the above, your are crushing it!

Reviewing and acknowledging your willingness to just keep going as well as noting your many past successes is the encouragement and motivation fuel to continue becoming, achieving and enjoying this one fantastic (really!) existence. I urge you to review. I guarantee you are not sucking!

#highfiveyourself #iamnotsucking #imshowingup

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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For You Who are in Transition/Transformation; A Message

10/10/2018

What’s Happened
You left, quit, vacated, re-located, shifted because it became impossible to stay, to stay the same.
Congratulations. Your future (the next moment) is blank, open, and scary.
This is your ‘temporary normal.’

OR
Something has happened. It has knocked you out of your ‘regular, predictable life.’ You are now on a journey that you may or may not have chosen.
Buckle up.

OR
You are moving toward somewhere you’ve never been. It’s like a magnet. It is not like you to go without at least some sort of plan, but you know you ‘have to’ go. Great!
Keep making small, doable steps. Quit and start again, as many times as needed.

What You Know for Sure
Transition/transformation is happening.
You’re not who you were.
You can’t go back - you’ve tried - because even an awful ‘familiar’ feels better than the terrifying ‘unknown.’
You’ve been changed.
You no longer fit anywhere.
You’re no longer who you were, you’re not yet who you’re going to be (Liminal Spaces).

What to Do
Rest, take care, be gentle, kind.
Do not tolerate anyone or anything that is not gentle, kind and caring.

It seems ‘the baby has been thrown out with the bathwater.’ And it has. Things, ways, a you that used to work, no longer work. However, one day, when you’re not expecting it, you will see a possibility for yourself. You’ll feel a spark of hope. Ideas and possibilities will appear; they’ve been there all along, but you now notice them. You will begin to re-fill the bath water and put your perfect baby back in it. You will choose only what is right for you. This is how you will know you are healing, know you are moving toward your new, real self and place in the world. Let it happen. It will come by its own accord.

Until then;
Rest. Take care. Be gentle. Be kind.

I have tools I can share for the journey. I’m here if you need me.

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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How to Awaken Your Dream (Part Three)

26/9/2018

In the previous parts of How to Awaken Your Dream (Part One; Are You Emotionally Suppressed? Here) (Part Two; Where’s Your Wild Child? Here) the idea of accessing the ‘un-socialized’ part of ourselves, was introduced. This part, what I referred to as the ‘Wild Child,’ is the part of us that makes us unique. It makes us who we truly are, no matter what our social customs dictate and no matter where in the world we are raised. This part has access/is the connection to creativity, source energy, universal consciousness, spirit, God, whatever you wish to call the field of all possibility.

Why Pursue a Dream?
To put it extremely simply; Our dreams and desires are our access point to this true part of ourselves, which leads us to accessing the realm of all possibility. To put it another way. This authentic/true part of you keeps producing desires or insists on one desire, in order to get your attention and to connect you to the source of creativity.

Once you've spent some time reconnecting with your 'Wild Child' as described in Part Two, you can begin the dream resurrection process.

Dream Resurrection Process
Find time and space to be alone. Bring paper and something to write with.
(If you have resistance around writing freely and honestly, promise yourself you will burn/shred the paper as soon as you’re done.)
Make yourself comfortable and safe-feeling
At the top of the page write down the title: Impossible Dreams or Desire
Write out the answers to the following questions:
When I was a child, I always wanted to be:
When I was a kid, my favorite game to play was:
If I had the money I would:
If I had no responsibilities, I would:
I always thought I would be:
I am most disappointed in myself for:
If I knew I was going to die soon, I would:

Caution/Word of Warning
This may stir up heavy emotions. That’s o.k. Much like a detox diet makes you feel worse for a while, while you stir up and release toxins, suppressed emotions coming awake will feel terrible. That’s o.k. Take extra good care of yourself, be gentle.

This is a preliminary practice for allowing your true, maybe uncivilized-self, to be heard. It gets the creative channel primed. Once the dreamer/desire part of yourself resumes functioning without judgement, you will be able to drill down to the most basic desire that has been suppressed and unfulfilled.

Need help connecting to your desires?

Need support now that you have?

Finding Your What Now; Creating the Next Years of Your Life

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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Where's Your Wild Child? Awakening a Sleeping Dream

19/9/2018

Are You Emotionally Suppressed?
Part Two

If you’ve ever had a dream for yourself, or an expectation of who you wanted to become and for one or, a myriad of reasons, it hasn’t yet happened, know that the dream probably hasn’t died. You have very carefully allowed it to sleep. If anything causes the desire to awaken and you habitually shut it down because it’s not the right time, or it seems impossible, all that energy you’re using to keep the desire under wraps is making you tired. Your light has dimmed. The flow of creativity, or spirit or whatever you want to call it has been choked off. You’ve become suppressed. (Depressed or Suppressed?)

Where's Your Wild Child?

So many of us are going around behaving in perfectly acceptable ways socially. We are safe in the security of predictability because ‘duh!’ that’s how civilization works. In my sessions with clients, when I tell them that we need to be letting our ‘wild child’ have some say in our lives, their immediate response, always, is to laugh and say, ‘yeah, as if,’ in plain disbelief. But I’m serious. We must learn to allow the inner creative, unpredictable spark that is our essence, have some air time.

In the beginning of my ‘awakening’ from utterly civilized suppression, I began sketching. I didn’t know I could draw! And I sketched my adult-self releasing my starved, abused inner child-self out of an animal cage. As I put some creative, inner-desire-expressing practices in place, I later sketched that child-self as an adolescent, strong, filled-out and growing wings. Those were my metaphorical representations of coming out of suppression.

It may be that going from suppression (Take My Emotional Expression Quiz), to resurrecting your dream is too big of a leap. So, what are some inner-desire-expressing practices?

Inner Desire (Wild Child) Expressing Practices

Tell the Truth
It took me several counsellors and many sessions before I could finally bring myself to say what I truly felt. I was so programmed to be ‘nice’ that saying what I was actually thinking and feeling was excruciatingly painful. When I finally trusted that I could voice the terrible things I thought and felt, without judgement, my true, inner-self began to come out of hiding.

Feel Safe
We cannot access our creative-self if we are locked into stress and fear. After I began to speak my truth, my beliefs, fears and never-before-told shameful experiences, I set up a sanctuary in my home. A place of my own where I could lock the door, be alone and write or just read and meditate. This did wonders for calming my always-on stressful state.

What’s Fun?
Scientific studies on animals show that play is innate. All animals will play and frolic. But, when a sniff of a predator, in the form of one single hair, will cause all play to cease, and the babies will forever be on alert for danger. This also happens to us. When we no longer engage in fun and play, it could be because we’re locked in fear. (See: I Have a Feeling) If you can’t think of anything that is enjoyable or fun, it is time to seek some help.

If your inner, creative, wild-child self has been on lock down for years, she is understandably reticent to reveal herself. Your job is to convince her that it is safe to come out and you will listen to her. Once she does begin communicating, you must be prepared to act on her wishes, to show that you are serious about listening to her.

We will talk about ways to encourage your Wild Child to speak in Part Three.

'need Inner Wild-Child Expressing?

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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Are You Emotionally Suppressed? Part One

12/9/2018

Many, many of my clients ask me at some point, “Am I depressed?” What I find most often is the case, is that they are emotionally suppressed.

When we look at the signs/symptoms of depression and suppression, it is understandable that we would confuse the two. Some of the signs are common to both conditions.

Signs of Depression:
Feelings of hopelessness/helplessness
Loss of interest in daily activities
Change in appetite/weight
Sleep changes – insomnia or oversleeping
Agitation or anger
Loss of energy
Self-loathing
Reckless behaviour
Lack of focus
Unexplained aches and pains

If you suffer from these symptoms on a daily basis and have for more than several weeks, it is time to see your health care professional. A licensed physician or psychiatrist/psychologist will give you a depression screening and suggest doable treatments.

If you could have worked your way out of depression, you would have by now, getting help is the only way through.

Suppression:

It takes much energy to keep our true thoughts and feelings under wraps. If we have habitually put them aside, over years we are very likely suffering the consequences of that effort.

Common Side Effects of Long-Term Emotional Suppression:
Loss of interest in formerly fun activities
Lack of desire to be creative or create fun activities
Trouble Sleeping
Relationship conflicts
Lack of commitment
Constant fatigue
Bouts of strong, sometimes seemingly inappropriate display of emotions – Much like trying to keep a beach ball submerged under water, eventually emotions will discharge and more than likely at an inappropriate time in an inappropriate way.

Isolation – When face and body language don’t match our true emotions, it causes us to appear distrustful. Others pick up the disconnect in the energy and the body signals and become confused, causing them to be less likely to engage in relations with us. And of course, because of the generalized malaise we are experiencing, we are less likely to engage in social interaction.

Unfortunately, we are not ‘schooled’ in how to handle our emotions. Going through our lives not being able to properly express our ‘normal’ human emotions robs us of an enjoyable life.

Part Two: Where's Your Wild Child?

Are You Emotionally Suppressed? Take the Emotional Expression Quiz

Resources:
Understanding Our Emotions Series
Depression; Your Personal Message

Registration Deadline Midnight September 15th!
Finding Your What Now Creating the Next Years of Your Life

Questions? Comments? I love hearing from you.

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington Certified Martha Beck Life Coach
What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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Let Me Tell You About Susan

5/9/2018

My Client, Susan (name changed for confidentiality), a highly talented and skilled professional came to me because she couldn’t stop crying. She was not an overly-emotional person, she told me, but found she could no longer keep her emotions in check.

As we talked it became clear that Susan had been pushing herself in her career and in her personal life as a wife to another talented/skilled professional and mother of 2 active, talented children. She was simply over-whelmed emotionally, mentally and physically.

Over the course of several sessions, Susan began to implement some very small, but very necessary self-care practices, beginning with finding a small, private space. She cleaned out a spare room in her home and set up a comfy chair with some pillows, some beautiful scented candles and brought in her iPod to play guided meditations. Once she’s done a short relaxation and if she doesn’t fall asleep!, she reads a novel. Susan makes it very clear that she is to be uninterrupted for at least 30 minutes. She does this at least three times/week. As we discussed her life, she uncovered several things that we were able to bring relief/resolution to. She has added several more life enhancing, self-care practices.

I received a note from Susan not that long ago. She wrote; in all my busyness and problems, you are helping me with what I have learned from you in the past. I often hear you whispering in my ear, "you can do this, you know exactly what you are doing, and you are doing a great job.” From the bottom of my heart, thank you for always being there for me even when you don't know you are. I’ve learned to make time to take care of myself and that means spending time reading, sleeping and sharing time with those I love. When I really reflect on things, I believe, for me, it really is letting go of self-judgement and shame and allowing love. You my friend, helped me to realize this and I know when I falter you are always there to help me remember.

How about you? Even if you aren’t overwhelmed, does the idea of having a ‘safe space’ of your own sound appealing? What sorts of things would you put in there? What would you do there? Does the thought of letting go of self-judgment and shame speak to you?

Are you the constant support for the others in your life? How do you feel about hiring support for you? See: Stop Over-Caring, Over-Giving, Over-Doing.

In addition to one-on-one coaching for people like Susan, and possibly you, I have developed a program to permanently shifts the pattern of burning out/over-doing and that gives you the tools to create the life that’s right for you.

Registration for Finding Your What Now; Creating the Next Years of Your Life is now open.

Early Bird Pricing Held Over. Claim Your Spot Today!

Questions? Comments? I love hearing from you.

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington Certified Martha Beck Life Coach
What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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