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When You Lie to Fit in

22/4/2020

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When I saw this on Facebook, I laughed. And it’s stayed with me since.
 
It really, really made me think about how many times in how many situations I have tried to make myself into someone I am not in order to fit in. It makes me sad, because when I did this, I was lying! Lying to myself and everyone else.
 
And to carry the illustration further, I then thought about wanting things that aren’t mine to have. So, using the funny meme, let us suppose the cat wants the penguin job so he can enjoy the penguin ‘perks.’ But, at what cost? He can never go onto all four paws, he has to squawk and not meow, he has to swim in water(!), well… you get the point.
 
And, because I have experienced ‘faking’ it and pretending and maybe you have too— maybe you still are? —we all know how exhausting it is! At the end of the day, the cat has to know that that the penguin perks are not worth the soul destruction.
 
Our External Lives
Which brings me to something I read this week that speaks to our current social isolation/distancing situation; Being prevented from engaging in our external lives makes us either miss it or be happy to be away from it.

This also made me laugh because it just so precisely hit the mark!
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Are You Taking the Opportunity?
This has been said, and I’m repeating it because it’s very much hitting home for me; this situation can be the opportunity to make real changes. I am over trying to ‘fit in’ where I don’t belong—acting like someone I’m not. I am also clear on what I am missing and what (and who) I am happy to be away from.
 
Which is it for you? Are you missing your external life or are you happy to be away from it? What is this situation showing you about how you have been living your life?
 
Life Coaching is, at its core, helping you become more of who you really are. It is helping you move away from what you don't want and move toward what you do want.

I am available during this time of Social Distancing
coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com
Services/Contact Me

If you are a
Front Line, Essential Service Worker,
or know one,
and you need some support,
Please contact me,
I'm offering my services at a reduced rate.

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We all want to know what to expect, how to prepare and when we can resume making plans.
but with this, we just can’t.
We are forced to stay present and, at most, plan a day or two ahead.

If you'd like to think into the future of when this is all over,

I’ve created an audio visualization that takes you to your ‘future-self-after-this-episode’
​​

​"After This" Visualization 
​

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​Jennifer Washington 
​
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 

What Now Life Coaching 
​
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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Should You Be Panicking?

19/3/2020

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It is our instinct to self-preserve. Anything that makes us feel threatened puts us into self-preservation mode. When we act from this instinct, we are acting from fear and scarcity. The current world situation is definitely triggering our survival instinct. Example: The hoarding of toilet paper! This is an impulse driven first by fear and then by perceived scarcity. 

What we want to do is act from our creative, above the problem, problem-solving part of ourselves. Einstein said:

"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."
​
So how do we go about acting from a place that is not fear or survival based?

Personal Panic (or Worry, Crisis) Dealing Exercise
or
​How to Connect with Higher Consciousness Before You Act

​Do at least once/day. More as needed.

Step Number One: Limit the amount of time spent watching the news! Seriously! Stop watching obsessively.

Step Number Two: Find a quiet place to be alone for a few moments. (You can even do it on your bathroom break! No excuses!)Breathe in and out 3 - 5 times.Place your hands on your heart area or stomach - wherever you 'feel' your emotions.Tune in. Ask what am I feeling? Observe like you are a teacher in a kindergarten class and each of your emotions are children. See how many you can name. Give each of them acknowledgement. No need to correct, edit or judge them. Smile and nod.

Step Number Three: With your hands still on your heart/stomach, think of something you are grateful for, something or someone that gives you that 'awe, ahh' feeling. Allow that feeling to flow in your body for a couple moments.

Step Number Four: While feeling your sense of gratitude, invite Spirit (God, Universe, Higher Consciousness, etc,) in and ask; "What do I need to know?" "What do I need to do?" And, if you wish, "How can I help?"

​You may not receive anything and that is ok, but, you will notice that information you need will come to you. Trust whatever comes up. Thank yourself for taking this moment and doing this exercise.


If you are in danger, your inner warning system will give you a very clear message.

The information that comes up, even if it's not what we want to hear, may have a sense of urgency, but it will always be clear and calm. There will not be a sensation of hyperness, agitation or panic - that is fear from confusion.

Be sure to act on any messages you receive. You are opening or maintaining a dialogue of trust between you and your inner wisdom/higher problem-solving self. 

As in all times, it is important to heed 'recommendations' for your safety as well as the safety of others! Stay Safe.
Want More Exercises/Coaching Like This?
Stress Management Coaching is Available.
coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com
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​Jennifer Washington 
​
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 

What Now Life Coaching 
​
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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It's Not Always Big & Flashy

9/1/2020

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A Clear Vision; It's Not Always Big & Flashy


 
This New Year, I have not had the enthusiasm nor the energy for any New Year Resolutions, Big Goal setting or tackling any New Improvement!

I did do a Vision Casting, and I received some very clear images and feelings about what the coming months have in store for me. The session involved No effort, no strain, no over-the-top rah, rah enthusiasm, but the result is a feeling I can only describe as ‘locked in.’
 
I coached a client recently who is facing a relocation. She said she had no idea where, in her very large city, to start looking and was feeling overwhelmed. After our ONE-ON-ONE PERSONAL VISION SESSION, she had a very clear picture of not only what her new living space will look like, but also what it will feel like. At the end of the session my client reported she now knows exactly in what areas to begin her real estate search. THAT is Vision Casting for Real Life!
Creating Your Future can be simple, easy and enjoyable.
​
Having the vision come to you is how it starts. 
​
Happy 2020 Everyone!
​

Want to Visualize Your 2020?

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coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com
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​Jennifer Washington 
​
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 

What Now Life Coaching 
​
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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It’s the Most ?Wonderful? Time of the Year

9/12/2019

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Life Coach Tips For Not Just Enduring Family Holiday Celebrations

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‘Tis the season of stress. And the stress of being with family is one of the biggest. Many of the expectations are assumed and/or unspoken, as are many traditions. But one disturbing-to-me ‘trend’ over the past several years is a mockery, a distain and even out and out rejection of family gatherings. There is a collection of “Dysfunctional Family” games available. Isn’t this supposed to be a season of love and kindness toward one another?
 
Life Coach Tips For Not Just Enduring Family Holiday Celebrations:

You Have to? Really?
As much as we believe we 'have to' do things we don't want to do, the reality is, we really don't. You are an adult and get to choose where you go and who to spend time with. NOT attending is always and option. Then, be sure to skip feeling guilty about your decision. If you feel that not showing up at a family gathering has greater consequences than showing up, then decide to show up fully. Are you going in just 'tolerating' the situation or are you going to 'engage' in the situation? If you are showing up to my invitation with an attitude of mere tolerance, then, I would prefer you don't show. No one wants to feel tolerated. If you show up fully and engage, you may be surprised how enjoyable it all is. Just decide.

Awake, Aware and Grateful
Advice I’ve given to my clients over and over again is this; Congratulations, you’ve noticed your discomfort and your family members’ quirks and irritants. This is a sign you are awake and aware. Yay! Now, balance the negative with the positive. What is there to appreciate or be grateful for about this (these) people? Gratitude floods us with chemicals that literally make us feel connected to others and to our larger world.

Stay in Your Lane
After awareness and gratitude, stop doing or planning anything to change or fix people or situations. This is difficult advice for sure if you are a person who takes on the responsibility of making everything ‘nice.’ In order to reduce your stress and save your sanity, you must allow everyone and everything to be exactly as they are. Take care of yourself and allow others to take care of themselves. If you must, you can happily go back into changing/fixing/helping mode once the big celebration is over.
 
Pre-plan
Now that you’ve congratulated yourself on being aware and you have practiced what acceptance and gratitude feels like, you can do a pre-plan. If your brother/sister/mother (whomever) has consistently been a pain in the you-know since forever, count on them continuing that tradition and plan your reaction. We never can control another’s behaviour or opinion, but we can always choose our reaction. Play out the various scenes you KNOW are going to happen in your head. What are the likely consequences of your various responses? Is this the year you blow everything up? Can you find humour in the situation? Is there some way you can enjoy this time and these people?
 
Judge Intention vs. Actions
Sit for a while and ponder your intentions going into the family/group, high-pressure, big occasion gathering. What if your intentions are patience, kindness, compassion, curiosity and understanding? How would these affect your actions? What are you assuming about other peoples' intentions? The Stephen Covey quote comes to mind: We judge ourselves for our intentions and others by their actions.
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Of course, I am not advocating you tolerate abuse. (See signs and symptoms of toxic relationships: What I Wish I'd Known About Toxic Relationships.)
 
Our attitudes, intentions and actions all influence any situation we attend, in a positive or negative way. The power is literally in us.

We all lose when we diminish, disdain or eliminate anyone or any group. It is in our coming together that we are strengthened. It is in coming together with love, patience and a willingness to understand that we all win.
 
If we can’t do it in our own families, how can we do it in our communities? How can we do it globally?

Need Help this Holiday Season?
​​
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​Jennifer Washington 
​
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 

What Now Life Coaching 
​
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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What I Wish I'd Known About Toxic Relationships

7/11/2019

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Most of us have experienced one if not many toxic relationships. Some of us may still be in some. It’s easy to blame the other person as being the cause of your suffering. And in all probability that other person may actually have a personality problem or even a diagnostic psychological or behavioural disorder. But, sometimes it’s the combination of you and another that just does not work.
 
Either way there are signs that you are in a toxic relationship.
 
You May Be in a Toxic Relationship If
You need to hide aspects of yourself for fear of criticism.
You regularly experience verbal and or physical attacks.
You are waiting for the next drama, attack, outburst, etc. (walking on eggshells)
You’re viewed as either awesome or ‘the worst.’
When things are good, they’re really, really good and when they’re bad, it’s terrible
Any argument turns into how you’re to blame.
It’s common to criticize you but criticism of them is not tolerated.
Shame is a common manipulation tool to keep you in line.
They always know better than you.
Nothing really gets resolved.
You doubt your sense of reality.
(Read: Dark Artists)
 
What I Wish I’d Known

Your Perception Has Been Messed With
It is a bit like a brain washing. Ok, a lot like brain washing. In order to get along, you have tried mightily to see things the way your loved-one presents them. If you’re honest, you can admit that in order to do that, you’ve had to deny, if not YOUR perception, but actual reality, at times.
They likely have data to back up their claims and have discounted the ‘experts’ in order to make their case, but guess what? You are ALLOWED to have your very own perception of things. You are right about many things, many times. You have good intuition and knowing. You’ve been convinced that you don’t.
 
Radical Self-Care and Acceptance is Now Your Homework
If you’ve been in a poisonous relationship for any length of time, you have some serious self-doubts and likely much self-criticism. It is time to practice accepting who you are as more than enough and more than o.k. You are likely also isolated. Reestablish contact with friends and family. You are loved by many people. This is your practice and the sooner you start, the better. 
 
Consider That You’ve Been Traumatized.
Symptoms of Trauma include:
Social isolation and withdrawal
Lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities
Edginess
Insomnia
Exhaustion
Change in eating, sleeping, living habits
Extreme alertness of pending danger
OCD
Detachment from relationships and emotions
Numbing behaviours
Guilt
Shame
Anxiety
Panic attacks
 
If you think you’re suffering from traumatic stress, seek support and help. Consult your doctor for medication or alternative health practitioners to help while you implement changes.

 
You Should Be Loved for Who You Are Not What You Do
Many toxic relationships become transactional. You may feel you have to earn your keep or justify your existence. You’ve probably been convinced that you're not contributing enough or that your loved one is doing you so many favours. You may have a general feeling of shame. Remember Brene Brown’s definition of shame; " Guilt is, "I did something bad.” “Shame is, "I am bad.” Again, if you’re honest, you can see that the whole relationship has become about them. You are given just enough attention to keep you in the relationship. You are worthy of love and respect for who you are, not what you do.
 
You Can’t FIX Them or The Relationship
This may be the hardest fact to accept. All of your ‘trying’ and working to be different or say things differently or all the ‘if onlys’ would not have made any difference. Trust that you’ve done all that you could and if it was going to be different, it would be by now. It takes two to make a relationship work. Accept that you cannot change them. In fact, research is showing that some personalities can’t be changed. Accept that they are the way they are.
 
Not Engaging is an Option
If you choose to continue in a relationship with the trauma-inducing person, you are experienced enough to know the warning signs of an impending toxic episode. You always have a choice, even when you feel powerless or scared. When the next episode looms, do whatever you can to extricate yourself from the present, physical moment. Don’t speak, leave the room or suggest a later time to discuss the issue and then don’t keep that appointment. Along with not engaging, stop defending yourself. Once you do you have engaged, and they’ve got you. Agree if you must in order to not engage.
 
It's Not About You, Ever
Recognize that the personal attacks on you are the way the other person deflects attention away from their insecurities and fears. It is not your job to make them feel good about themselves. Practice not taking what they’re saying about you personally. They are masters at keeping a checklist of your errors or supposed shortcomings, but you don’t have to accept or agree with them.
 
There is A Detox Period
Once you are free from the toxic relationship you are going to feel vulnerable and exposed. Your inner voice is going to be theirs for a long while. Notice when you are zoning out or your reactions are not matching the present situation. Have You Been Triggered? attention to your thoughts and question all of them. Whose voice is this? And, Is it true? And the best one of all; How do I feel when I believe this thought? If it makes you feel pain, it’s not true. 
 
It is a Journey Back to Yourself
You are now back in charge of your life. Your choices are your choices and they are going to be difficult to make because you are going to be afraid of making a mistake and being wrong. And that’s ok. You are going to practice being in a loving relationship with yourself. You are going to provide yourself with all of the things that you want and deserve in a relationship. You are going to have to work at reclaiming your full self and freedom. (Hire a Life Coach or psychology practitioner.) You are going to re-join the land of perceiving the world your way.

I am still recovering, in many ways, from years in an unhealthy, entangled relationship. Talking about it to life coaches, therapists, friends and family has and continues to help tremendously in overcoming isolation, shame and blame. Using ALL of my Life Coaching Tools really works. All manner of alternative health and energy work has also worked well for me. I have taken medication in the past and have found supplements that work for me. Self-care is ongoing and necessary.

I appreciate all my strengths and weirdness and how I see things a little bit more everyday, which consequently, makes me enjoy others' strengths and weirdness and how they see things!

​I am available if you want to talk.
coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com
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​Jennifer Washington 
​
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 

What Now Life Coaching 
​
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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I'd love to hear from You!
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Are You a Good Woman?

1/10/2019

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We Don’t Always Fit the Definition of Good
Women wrestle hard with being ‘good,’ We quietly whisper to each other our short-comings and struggles. We're constantly judging ourselves unworthy for not being perfect. We keep our needs, wants and desires hidden because they don’t fit the definitions of ‘good.’ The reality is we’re human, never designed to fit inside man-made inventions of good and bad.

My trainer and mentor, Martha Beck, a Sociologist with a Harvard PhD, has studied and published research regarding women and culture. She states, in our western culture, we define a ‘good’ woman as either:
 
  1. An Individual Achiever
  2. A Self-Sacrificing Domestic Goddess
 
And under those two categories, she says, women choose one of four categories:
  1. career first (and are very conflicted)
  2. family first (and are very conflicted)
  3. combined work and family (and are very, very conflicted)
  4. mystics.
 
In my personal work with women one-on-one and in groups, I find this all to be true.
 
There Are Several Reasons We Are So Conflicted.
  1. “Good” is a subjective definition. (It all depends on the metrics, ladies)
  2. It is impossible for anyone of us to fit our whole selves into one human-defined role: We have traits and skills and proclivities that fit into many categories. And
  3. We listen to everyone BUT ourselves when deciding what’s best for ourselves.

If you are struggling, feeling unhappy and/or unworthy (not good) in any way, ask yourself the following questions:
  1. Who gets to decide you’re good?
  2. What would you say to your best friend or sister if she was experiencing this?
  3. Would you judge or accept this ‘issue’ from your husband/son?
  4. Is being good making you happy? Or stressed?

If your definition of good is conflicting with your true nature you will be in pain. It is like being born with brown eyes and being disappointed, mad, sad that they’re not blue.
​
How to Be True to Your Nature
​
Step One
Write out all the things you believe a ‘good’ woman is/does. Identify where each of those beliefs came from. Your family of origin? Your teachers? Your religion? How many of them are what you admire in other women?
 
Step Two
Make a list of things that you would love to be free to do, (within the boundaries of ethics, legality and safety, of course) and thoughts/emotions you’d love to express but because of the above list in step one, you stop yourself from doing.
(it’s ok, you can delete/destroy your writing afterward.)
 
Step Three
Imagine acting on those desires/expressing your thoughts/emotions without fear of consequences. (this should make you uncomfortable, but that’s good. Imagine it!)
 
Step Four
Set a goal for yourself to act on a desire and/or express a thought/emotion on your list. Trust you can deal with the consequences. Repeat.
 
Trusting your inner guidance, detaching from social role conditioning and identifying and expressing your true nature, this is the path to becoming a Mystic
Want a quick start?
​
Stop Over-Caring, Over-Giving and Over-Doing 
Get the Worksheet
Need Help Implementing the Steps?
coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com
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​Jennifer Washington 
​
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 

What Now Life Coaching 
​
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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I'd love to hear from You!
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Retrieving the Fragmented Self

14/8/2019

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I had an enlightening experience with a soul retrieval session recently. I’d heard about soul retrieval and Shamanism, but I’d never experienced it personally.
 
We All Have Fragmented Parts
We all have parts of ourselves that have been shut down, subdued or fragmented off. We do this because we believe we must, in order to be accepted and to get along with our family, friends and society/culture that surrounds us. Different aspects of humanness are deemed acceptable and valuable while we are taught other parts of our humanness are unacceptable and discouraged, depending on where and with whom we live.
 
If we go back even further than our own upbringing, we find that what a ‘tribe’ deemed acceptable or unacceptable was linked directly to what got one killed and what ensured survival. Of course, now, our survival is less threatened, but the behaviour modification has continued in a myriad of ways.
 
All Our Aspects Can Be Restored
While we are small and learning, we try with our very limited understanding to make sense of these behaviour and personality-curbing rules. Our parents, teachers, elders, etc., for the most part, were/are doing what they believe is necessary to help us fit in and to keep us safe. We can’t help but make inaccurate judgements about their efforts and more often than not, we believe we are wrong, bad, flawed, in need of editing. So is it any wonder by the time we reach adulthood, we can be operating with a very skewed and limiting sense of ourselves and our world?
 
When I am This Many Years Old
The Sha-woman that worked with me, brought back an aspect of myself that I had allowed a group of pre-adolescent girls to limit. I believed I had to curb certain strengths and gifts in order to have friends. I did not realize until I am this many years old, that I was still believing it. My Sha-woman located and returned those aspects of myself back to me into the understanding and wisdom I have now.
 
This is Powerful Work
If you are doing any kind of self-awareness, self-improvement, self-help work, then you know first-hand that you are literally undoing what you believed about yourself and the world as a child. This is powerful work. As a Life Coach, I do something similar to soul retrieval. Through a process, I help YOU locate your lost or modified aspects and bring them back to you in the now. You essentially act as your own Shaman.
 
With the assistance of a Shaman or being led by one trained in a self-retrieval process, it is a powerful, life-returning experience.

Want to experience your own self-retrieval? 

coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

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​Jennifer Washington 
​
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 

What Now Life Coaching 
​
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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Transition Anyone?

24/7/2019

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"I think we signed a contract to 'awaken' and now we are." I've said these words to several women lately. so I dug back in my writing and found this from way back in 2011. I know many who are in serious transition (aka awakening!) right now and maybe this will help with understanding the process. 
I’ve been spending quite some time in what Martha Beck calls Square One Meltdown. Square One is a stage that repeats in our lives as we cycle through our existence. It is a period of transition. Of leaving one state and going to another. Martha uses a butterfly metaphor to describe the process. The meltdown stage is where the caterpillar wakes up one day—a day like every other day, I’m guessing, and decides that on this day he will begin to build himself a sweet cocoon so that he can zip himself safely away from the elements and have a complete and literal, well, meltdown. He will become caterpillar goo. He will die. Now why would he choose this? My guess is, he doesn’t. It is wired into him to do it. It is in his nature. His mom and dad don’t send him to Butterfly U to learn the steps it takes to completely morph into different form. He was not ‘conditioned’ to stop being a caterpillar and grow wings, and colours and fly.

It Is Wired Into Us
So it is with us. It is wired into our nature to change, to morph to leave one stage and travel into another.If you are like me, you take all of this in stride, for granted, until it ‘happens’ to you.  Because it ‘happens’ to you. Going from childhood to puberty is not a choice. Going from adolescence to adulthood is, contrary to popular belief, not a choice either. And aging, unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on your ability to accept change, is also inevitable.

It Also Happens to You
Transformation happens when you can no longer be who you were and what you were (think the ROLE that you played) no longer works.Things you used to like to do no longer make sense. The things that used to drive you, don’t anymore. What you valued before seems futile now. You outgrow your beliefs. In the midst of all of this you have no idea yet, what does work, what you like, what you really value, what you actually believe.  You are in a goo state. I am finding that this goo state is lasting longer than I would like and I am uncomfortable being uncomfortable. It is not my favourite state. (Hawaii is.) 

You Can't Be a Butterfly Without the Process
It is an ingrained habit to find the problem and fix it. To strain forward to get to what will be. In this ‘in between’ state I am waiting to become the next stage of who I am meant to be. I am learning to let go of everything I thought of as certain. As I rest (because I have no other choice) in caterpillar goo I am being asked to observe my inner workings to find clues to how my behaviours and patterns affect my happiness or unhappiness.  hen, to sit with that information, that truth, and be transformed by it.  It is not like exercise where I work over and over to improve a skill, it is more like a piece of dirty metal sitting in an incinerator until it reveals itself as gold. It’s a process. It is messy. It is unpredictable and uncontrollable. I’m guessing these lessons help the butterfly learn how to ride the wind. If you or someone you know is in transition, in meltdown, be patient. Rest. You/they can’t help it. Celebrate when you/they emerge with new wings.
​


Are You in Transition?
HowAbout Some Guidance to Help You Navigate?

Finding Your What Now

Are you tired?
 Are you experiencing or about to experience an empty nest,
divorce, retirement or any big change?
Have you taken care of everyone else and wonder, where's the reward?
Do you forget what being supported feels like?

You’ve read the books and tried the advice, but you feel stuck.
What worked before is no longer working.
You've been standing in your own way for too long.

Find Your What Now HERE



I Would Love to Help

coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com
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​Jennifer Washington 
​
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 

What Now Life Coaching 
​
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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How Empty and Dry is Your Well?

26/6/2019

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​“Never give from the depths of your well, but from your overflow.” Rumi
 
This quote coming across my social media feed immediately brought to mind the many women I know who have not experienced ‘overflow’ in years or maybe ever. They are, indeed, empty and dry.
​
I talk with my friends about how drained we feel at times, but as soon as we get a teensy bit of energy back in our ‘well,’ we find something—relationships, projects or behaviours—that quickly drains it. So, what then, does overflow feel like?

What Does Overflow Feel Like?
To be overflowing means to be in a state of having more than we can use, more than we can store and that more continues. In overflow we are so well-rested, we are so well-nourished (physically, mentally and emotionally) that we can't help but give and share. We are in a feeling-state of peace even in the midst of struggle and/or turmoil. We are in state of love. Maybe this sounds like an impossibility? Maybe we can never be over full in all areas all at the same time? This state certainly seems impossible when our reserves are running empty and drying up.
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Where Are You on the Empty-Well Scale?

100--You are physically, emotionally and spiritually well fed and rested. You are in a state of flow, at peace with all that is going on in and around your life. You are comfortable with who you are. Your creativity flows and makes you happy not only benefitting you, but, everyone. You have a feeling of being tapped into an unlimited source. You generously give from your abundance.
 
50—100 You, for the most part, keep yourself in balance and healthy while you work through some difficulties or make some strategic changes. You have good energy most of the time and a positive outlook. You are creative and creating. Giving to others and giving of yourself is a regular part of your life.
 
0—50 You are becoming aware of some repeating patterns that have you feeling stuck. Or you’re ready to ditch what’s not working for you. Congratulations, you are on your way to moving up a step. Creativity comes and goes. Getting some feedback from a counsellor/coach/therapist/health practitioner could really set you in the right direction. You need a period of rest and recovery after giving.
 
0 — -25 Life feels grey and monotonous. You have just enough energy to do the tasks that your day requires, but there’s no excitement or passion present. You would definitely benefit from regular ‘me’ time away from your responsibilities. Get some feedback about who you really are and what you really want to make you happy. Giving drains what little energy you may regain after a rest.
 
-25 — -50 You are chronically tired and ailing in some way. You are just getting through your day/your life until “someday”—the weekend, the kids are grown, you retire,—etc. You are likely medicating in some way to help you manage. This is a tough cycle to break. While your struggle 'feel's physical, it is mental, meaning you talk yourself out of what you know needs to change and continue doing what you’re doing, because you don’t have the energy to ‘fix or change’ it. It seems easier to just keep going. You need your mom/sister/friend/care-giver to give care to you! Giving causes you to be resentful and definitely depletes you.
 
-50 -— -100 Your life is chaotic. It feels as if life is out of your control and things just ‘happen’ to you. You are in a constant state of crisis management keeping you in a state of fear. You don’t have time or resources to devote to your self-care/management. Addiction may be a factor. In this state, it is time to ask for help. Get assistance from anywhere to help you manage your current situation. Begin steps to change the trajectory you’re on. Giving to others feels impossible.
 
What Fills Your Well?
I can tell you I have experienced each of these levels at some point in my life. I have learned what drains and what fills my well through many trials and errors and eventually success. It is a bit of a journey to determine what fills you, gives you energy and gets you to your best self. Many women (and men too!) feel they are coping just fine and that their being empty is of no consequence. It isn't! When we give from limited resources we are cheating not only ourselves but everyone. You at your best self is what's best for everyone. 

Please take the time and effort to fill your well.
​
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I Would Love to Help

coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com
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​Jennifer Washington 
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Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 

What Now Life Coaching 
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www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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Can You be Happy for Others?

5/6/2019

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Can you be happy for a friend/loved one, or even a stranger (!), when things are not so great for you? And, can you be sensitive when things are great for you and not so great for your friend?
 
I am in relationships with people who know what my struggle is, my current woes and they are so gracious and tender with me. I watch as they tamp down their joy, happiness or good fortune. I ASSURE you; I am truly happy for them and their happiness and success. I can feel sad or have struggle and still have space/capability to celebrate with another.
 
Belief in Scarcity
I also am in relationships with people who are jealous of what goodness/happiness/success others have and actively lament the fact. This confuses me. I can’t understand how the happiness/success of another takes anything away or threatens another. It must boil down to the belief in scarcity–there is only so much resource to go around. So, if you have lots, it must mean there is less for me. I have more to say about jealousy HERE. I’m pretty sure happiness and success are first, defined by the individual – everyone’s idea is different and second, potential for happiness and success are unlimited.
 
Also, I know many who say they are ‘relieved’ when tragedy befalls another, because it has therefore, ‘missed’ them. Is misfortune a dark energy that seeks prey?

What Does it Mean?
I’m not sure what being able to be happy for others when you're not doing well is a sign of; maturity? (age!), self-esteem? (probably a little). Expansion? (you can see more than one side of things). Good mirroring? (you have good emotional sensitivity.) All of the above? And other things.

Isn’t it Great?
We all live in parallel universes. We are all having individual experiences alongside our fellow humans all at the same time. Isn’t it great that we can have so many experiences? Isn’t it amazing that we are able to be in our own experience, while at the same time observing, witnessing and celebrating the experience of another?
Comments? Questions?

I'd Love to Hear Them!

coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com
​
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​Jennifer Washington 
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 

What Now Life Coaching 
​
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

Facebook 
Twitter 
​Pinterest
 INSTAGRAM
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    On my journey back to wholeness I have explored many modalities and can honestly say the What Now Life Coaching session was one of the most illuminating (yet non-invasive) interactions I've had.

    Jennifer used an interesting variety of tools to further guide me towards my "North Star" (soul's calling) and I walked away feeling grounded, comforted, validated and inspired.
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