‘My client’ was sharing with one of her very good friends, over lunch how her husband blah, blah, blah…insert plain old complaining. Nothing horrible, vile or incomprehensible. Just everyday whining and complaining about all of the things her husband was not. Eventually, ‘my client’ began to hear herself and what she understood was that she was wishing that her husband would behave more like her.
O.k. I confess. When I say ‘my client,’ I mean me!
As I tuned into this awareness, yet another voice (what?! You don’t hear voices?) chimed in with “but, what about all that he does, that you don’t do?” Then, the voice proceeded to give me a laundry list of items – laundry being one of the items! – that my husband does do.
My points in sharing this story are:
1) Maybe you can relate? When we are criticizing someone or something, there is always the side of the ‘other’ guy that we aren’t considering.
2) Others (your husband, child, friend, mother) are NOT supposed to be like you. You are good at what you do, and they are good at what they do, that's how we all have our special place! (see: Strengths & Weaknesses)
3) Talking to others is a great way to get feedback, either from the other person, or your own inner self, if you can be aware of what it is you’re really saying.
4) It always feels better to be generous, especially in spirit, than it is to criticize. Giving the ‘other’ guy the benefit of the doubt, or his due credit is also better for your emotional, mental and even physical health.
To demonstrate to ‘the voice’ that she understood the point, 'my client' filled the car with gas and washed it.
I would be thrilled if you would let me know if you can relate to this, or if you have any questions or comments. I love to hear from you.