Lying is bad for you. 
I thought I’d mention that, just in case you had any doubts. 
And, it turns out, being lied to is also bad for you.
 
Ruth was having a very bad day.  She couldn’t concentrate, she had a headache and she was feeling exhausted.  She wrestled with herself for hours, trying to get her day back on track.  Finally, because she had been well coached (!), she sat down with a piece of paper to write out what exactly was wrong in her world.  It turned out that she had been lied to by someone very close to her.  But, because she was a good person and didn’t want to believe that this important person would lie to her, she chose to reject what she ‘knew’ and to proceed as if the truth was a lie.  Her body wouldn’t let her.  

The truth sets you free. Truth feels like freedom

When Ruth finally allowed even the idea that she had been lied to by someone she loved, the fuzzy exhausted feeling lifted, like clouds literally parting.  That’s all it took.  Once the truth was entertained, what to do about it took care of itself. Because she was ‘clear’ Ruth could then decide what her next actions were.  
 
A 2002 study by the American Psychological Association found that lying actually impacts your physical and mental health.  Those that were studied and found to be lying suffered more aches, pains and feelings of sadness than those who told the truth. 

Everyone lies.  To themselves and others.

Why do we lie?
Because we can.  It is a sign of creativity and intelligence to be able to take the truth and spin it or perceive it as something different.

We do it because we are afraid.  Afraid of social rejection. 
If I tell you your hair cut makes you look dorky, I’m pretty sure you will like me less.  

We do it because it seems easier in order to just get along.  

But, even white lies have consequences.
How often do you suffer headaches?  Low energy? Colds/flus?

The nature of the lie is really not the issue.  The issue is why do you feel the need to lie?  Why are you allowing yourself to be lied to?  What exactly are you afraid of?

There is a way to be truthful, to live truthfully without being a completely rejected
social outcast. When we allow the truth that is always right in front of us, it will instruct us how to use our social skills to live more authentically and in turn allow and cause those
around us to also live more authentically.

I went, by myself, to a workshop/retreat last weekend, the purpose of
which was to help me get clearer about my purpose. 
Well, that happened, but what also happened there was a pleasant
experience of beginner’s mind.


Not only was I being viewed by new eyes, I was viewing the other 19
fabulous women there with my unbiased eyes.  It is wired into our brains to scan for
possible ‘predators’ whenever we enter our surroundings.  We then catalogue or categorize our findings as a way of determining how to proceed in the situation.  It was fun to observe us introduce ourselves to ‘strangers.’ There was plenty of ‘what do you do?’ and ‘where are you from?’ and a whole lot of visual scanning in order for us to be able to sketch a profile of each other.  All of this is in a very sincere effort to accommodate one another and make each other feel safe and
comfortable.  You may have been in a new social situation where there was a whole lot of puffing up and strutting happening as a way to dominate or intimidate, but the opposite of that was going on where I was.

It was refreshing to be looked at without the filter of roles or the past and it was also very refreshing to look at others with no past experience filter.  I started out the weekend
feeling a bit vulnerable, but most definitely open.  Throughout the workshop and socializing, I was accepted, then heard, then encouraged to the point where I saw myself as not only capable, but interesting and because of the masterful faciliting of Word Wizard – Alexandra Franzen (check her out!) I saw myself all the way to being limitless!  I watched as all of the women
experienced this journey.

I discussed this with one of my clients, this experience of seeing and being seen outside of our ‘regular’ lives.  We discussed how it’s great to be expanded and then return to a place that no longer, quite fits.  How the change to everything around us is inevitable.


Then, I discussed the experience with my coach. 
She very wisely steered me to realize that it is me and my filters that have the most influence on the way I see myself and the way I ‘think’ others are perceiving me.  When I see myself
as ‘just’ a mom, or ‘just’ a wife, or tell you I’m ‘just’ a coach, it is I that is preventing the full expanse/possibility of who and how I am.

This is mask wearing.  Masking me from the world and the world from me. 
‘looks like I may be getting clearer about my purpose.

This is a link to Alexandra and if you scroll to the bottom, you can read about the workshop.
http://www.alexandrafranzen.com/2013/02/11/5-ways-to-write-a-blow-your-mind-manifesto/