You’ve made all the right contacts. You’ve dropped off a ton of resumes. You’ve hired an ‘expert’ to advise you. You’ve memorized your positive affirmations. You may have even been to see your psychic. But what you’re after is just not happening. There’s no job offers, no one phoning to ask you out, there are no clients. What now?
If you’re anything like me, you are spending a fair amount of time trying to figure out what you’re doing wrong, certain that the problem is all you. If you could just ____________fill in the blank, then magically what you’re waiting for would appear. Of course, this could happen. (Please let me know if you find __________and if your thing magically appears, I will be sure to try it.)
In the mean time, you could try some things that may seem opposite of logical. These suggestions go against the work-harder-don’t-give-up ethic that we’re convinced is the way to go.
1) Learn to Be Still
Another way to put this; when you’ve done all you can, stand. Let all that you’ve put out there have a chance to take root. Let all of your efforting settle. Just as Savasana after yoga is to assimilate the movements, being still after a lot of work allows all the shifting to find it’s place. This, of course, is easier said than done. The first thing that is going to happen is all the feelings and thoughts that you’ve been keeping at bay with activity are going to rise to the surface.
2) Allow What Surfaces
Now that you can feel your feelings and are aware of all the tension in your body, observe acknowledge and allow them. Greet them like small, scared children or a slightly wounded animal. This is what your inner child (Essential self) may feel like. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. This may not happen all in one sitting. If the feelings and thoughts become entangled and you begin to feel stuck, it may be a good idea to enlist the help of a ‘professional’ listener.
Remind yourself of all of your accomplishments thus far. Look back over the heroic things that you’ve already overcome. Give yourself credit for how you’ve been putting yourself out there. Acknowledge showing up for yourself even when you were scared and lacked inner confidence. Pull out emails, letters and any feedback that recognizes your skills and talents. It is easy to be so focused on what we want (and don’t have) and what we haven’t done. Reviewing all that you have done restores balance and perspective.
4) Allow Yourself Pleasure
We tend to look at having fun and doing pleasurable things as rewards for achievement. So, in this case you can reward yourself for your investment in yourself thus far—a reward for all your hard work as well as a way to release some tension and get you out of your thinking, logical brain. Try something different—be unpredictable. This gets a new kind of energy flowing. Have some fun.
5) Follow The Nudges
Once you and your Essential self are at peace with one another—you’ve addressed the fear, rejection and worry. You’ve restored your feelings of worth and security with review and pleasure. You now have clearer access to subtle messages from your inner knowing. Also known as intuition, sparks of interest, urges and the ability to recognize random, serendipitous coincidences. We expect the gap between where we are and where we want to be to be traversed in one big step, but that’s not how bridges are made. By following your nudges, the next thing and the next thing–keeping mindful of steps 1-4, you will one day be looking back from the other side.
When what you are waiting for eventually shows up, you will be ready. You will be showing up fully as yourself. Which is what your job, your partner, the world really needs.
Questions? Comments? I love to hear them :)