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The Answer to All Your Problems

21/2/2018

Rest & Play

When I tell folks who are stressed, overwhelmed and burned out to take a break to rest and play, they look like they want to punch me. It’s like, ‘oh yeah, right! Easy for you to say, you don’t have the problems I do!’ And, I say, ‘you’re right!’ I wouldn’t say I am a master at rest and play, but I am definitely better than I used to be and the result is fewer problems!

Rest and Play.

It used to work when I picked a goal and worked really hard to make it happen. It used to be that I'd fight my way through hurdles and persevere through pain. I tried valiantly to continue that way, finding it impossible to believe that doing nothing or having fun were actually options for problem solving and having a happy life. Blessedly, my strength failed me. I crashed and burned! Hard! Then, I began to spend time being quiet. I learned to meditate instead of worrying incessantly. I set aside time to play instead of working longer and harder.

How Rest Works

You Become Aware of Your Surroundings
When you turn off logic and words, you can feel hear and see what’s going on around you.
Awareness is a great tool. When we leave the world of our thoughts, we can see what’s happening in our present. Much can be noticed. Much fear can be quieted.

You Can Feel What’s Going in Your Body
Your body has a store of information. When we learn it’s language, we have a new source of information to use to create/enjoy our lives.

It Reduces All Stress
All stress markers come down when we mindfully focus on our surroundings and body signals.

How Play Works

Access to More of Our Brain
While our logic and ‘thinking’ is great for amassing vast amounts of information, it is the right side of the brain that takes that information and finds ways to use it. The right side of the brain has a chance to search for connections between information and unsolved problems/worries when we play.

Time Slows Down
When we play, we again, become completely present. We are not thinking about the past or worrying about the future, we are fully absorbed in the moment. Time literally stops.

Better Results
Again, in play your brain is free to make creative associations and connections. At play you are free from fear. Fear can’t help but create dark results. Creation from rest and play is inspired and fresh.

To Recap
Rest and Play are any activities, or non-activities, that put us in the present moment and take us out of our worry (fear). The more time you can spend in rest and play, the freer, the more creative, the more you you will become. You will become healthier, happier and younger! (the time stopping part does that!)

So, please, as your Life Coach, I strongly advise you, especially you who is tired, overwhelmed and burned out, rest and play! Repeat until results are obvious.

Comments, Questions Welcome

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Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington Certified Martha Beck Life Coach
What Now Life Coaching
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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The Colour Blue and You

14/2/2018

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Can't See Change? It's All Around You.

I see many people who are stuck in their own mind-sets. They are literally paralyzed—unable to make any move—because they think through any options or suggestion in their minds and come to a conclusion without ever having tried a single, different thing or setting foot out of their doors. I have been this person. We don’t have the conversations that our relationships need, we don’t stop doing the things that are making us unhappy and un-well and we don’t ask for the assistance we need all because we ‘think’ we know how it’s all going to turn out, (too much drama, effort, change!) so why bother. We’ve talked ourselves out of a chance at something different.

Opportunities and Options May be Unrecognizable

We created the lives we're presently living by doing what we know how to do, and by being the people we know how to be. We’re so busy focusing on what we think we know that we can't see any new, unrecognizable opportunities or options all around us. The ancient Greeks did not have a word for the colour blue, so they could not see it. Just like those Greeks, the colour blue—our better self, our happier life—might be all around us, but we can’t see it. Our focus is really on the past, our old ways of doing things.

In order to create lives we want, instead of having life happen to us, we must first be able to describe it. It’s a proven human trait, that if we don’t have language (words, pictures, descriptive devices) for something, we can’t create it.

We Want A Guarantee

The thing that holds us all back is fear. Most of all, we are afraid to fail. We equate failure with pain and shame. The fact is that failure is also how we learn. How many times did the Wright brothers crash? The hardest and usually the lessons that bring change and growth are the ones that force us to let go of what we’re holding onto and follow our true path.

Steps to Creating a New Reality

Look for Bread Crumbs
You have most likely been dropping hints for yourself about what you desire most, you just don’t see them for what they are.
Look at the people you envy. Is it because you want what they have? Look at your recurring patterns in relationships. What exactly is not working/causing you problems? What you want is the opposite of that? Imagine the opposite of your problems. That’s what you want.

Pick a Pebble Any Pebble
Pursue something, anything that you have a curiosity about, gives you a feeling of opening or expansion. Even if, ESPECIALLY IF it isn’t logical, or won’t make money, or your peers/parents think it’s dumb or it scares you a little. Release the need to know why you are interested. You cannot KNOW where it will lead. Pick up the next pebble after that, and the next. You are on your trail to getting your desired life.

Think Different Thoughts
This takes PRACTICE! Awareness of what we are thinking is a skill. The ability to catch thoughts that aren’t working for you and turn them around is a vital part to getting you to where you want to go.
I find writing out my stream of consciousness not only helpful but quite surprising! When I see what I’m thinking put in front of me I can often untangle myself and find ways to move forward.

Release Attachment to Current Identity
In order to create a different reality, you will have to let go of who you think you are. Again, looking to those you admire or even those who irritate you can show you some behaviours to adopt. Ask yourself; if I was (name of person or imaginary superhero) how would I act? What would I say? How would I take care of myself?

Ask for Help
Having a sounding board, someone who is there to listen just to you, without attachment or judgement, a Compassionate Witness, can be the best jump start you can give yourself. Having someone to help you brainstorm, strategize and then support and encourage you as you try being a new you, are invaluable.

Give Thanks
Gratitude for what you have, where you are, what you’ve overcome is an instant energy changer. Nothing can lift you out of a funk or give you inspiration and hope faster and more powerfully than thankfulness. Write it out. Write it all out. Say it out loud.
For added oomph, give thanks for who you are going to be and the life you’re going to have.

The people you admire got where you want to be by risking, by believing, by leaping, by trying, failing and trying again. After much crashing, we now have aviation!
You don't need to have all the answers, in fact, the point of your journey is for you to search for the answers, discover new things and grow.

Your past and present knowledge of your current reality needs to be abandoned so that something that doesn't exist yet, in your life (but probably does somewhere!) can be created. It is NOT too late. Ever. Start now. One thing. Do One thing.

We always have a choice in how we perceive our circumstances. Are we victims of our circumstances or do we take responsibility for our choices and actions and create our circumstances?

Choose. Create. I see you. The colour blue is all around you.

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The Thing About Roles; They Change

8/2/2018

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“I don’t even know who I am!” laments Carol as she sits in my round comfy chair. Carol is experiencing what she would describe as her mid-life crisis. She’s tired all the time. Her kids are mostly independent. She has a job she’s not crazy about, more free time and no energy to do anything with it. On top of that, Carol feels guilty. Guilty for being tired, not wanting to ‘produce’ anything and no longer enjoying her roles as wife, mother, employee, etc.

It is Hard to Escape Roles and Labels

Our brains are set up to categorize and sort, firstly into life-threatening and non-life threatening, then other categories for the purpose of saving valuable time processing information. If we can quickly ‘file’ someone or something, we can get access to stored information that will help us navigate current situations.

Roles help us define our purpose and how to go about fulfilling those purposes. As with Carol, her role as wife and mother gave her her purpose for the last 25 years. But the thing with roles, they change. Our employers are in charge of their businesses, so our job descriptions can suddenly shift to suit whatever they mandate – not in our control. Our kids grow up and move out. Again, our job description is altered. There may be dramatic and sudden changes like divorce, death, sickness, and even retirement, all re-defining our ‘jobs.’

It is perfectly acceptable to feel overwhelmed. Change outside of our control sends us into fight or flight. We want things to stay the same because we know how to manage them, even if they’re not great. But the reality is, we have always been changing.

Our Superpower is Adaptability

Adapting is how we survived as a species thus far. Adapting is how we have created our current civilizations. Adapting is what you’ve been doing since birth. It is what we do best.

What Carol really means is things have changed. Her body’s changing, her roles are changing, and she’s not yet adapted. Carol’s body will no longer be ignored. Instead of denying its signals, we are working together to understand those signals and implement actions to restore energy to her physical being. Some of this work is emotional.

This is a process. It takes time. We are impatient. Rest and restoration is not something we are good at, yet. (Meditation, anyone?)

We Get to Define Ourselves Within Our Roles

The other good news is, besides being adaptation experts, we get to define ourselves within roles. Carol and I are working on defining her true self and then bringing ‘her’ to each of her roles. Women are getting better but have some way to go yet in standing up for themselves and saying what they will and won’t do in their jobs, in their homes and in their communities. We may willingly sign up for things, but it’s best for everyone when we bring our personalities and strengths to those things.

Carol will know she is rested and restored when she begins to see possibilities and opportunities where there was loss before. Carol will implement creative changes within her roles, re-define some roles and even create new ones.

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The Answer to All Your Problems

The Colour Blue and You

The Thing About Roles; They Change

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