I’ve hit upon a particular memory of my childhood and it just keeps making me laugh.  It was me being my most audacious.  Well, before becoming a teenager, and then most of that was just being brainless.

I recall that my friend and I were frequently disciplined for our incessant in-class chatting by being relegated to the hallway.   I could never understand why our Grade 5 teacher put us both out there at the same time?  On one particular occasion, because we were alone together, we cooked up a plan.  We determined that I would be ‘not well’ the next day and call her at the school during school hours.  A flawless plan, in our minds, and for what particular purpose?  I’ve no idea.

The next day, while being ‘fake’ sick, I waited until what I thought an ideal time and telephoned the school.  The call that I anticipated would be answered by a school secretary, who would most assuredly be easily duped, was actually answered by the school Principal!  I was a bit thrown, but kept to the carefully crafted(?) plan and asked to speak with my friend, please.  The gentleman Principal was suspicious sounding when he asked ‘are you her mother?’  “Well, no,” I replied, “but I need to speak with my friend,” and now I was improvising – “I need her to bring me my homework.”  He then asked who I was, and I told him that I couldn’t tell him, that I would just like to speak with my friend, please.  I don’t remember exactly how the call ended, but I know I did not tell him who I was, as if he didn’t know – it was a small school – and I did not get to speak with my friend on the school phone!  I do remember being quite peeved that the plan didn’t work and that the principal just did not cooperate!  After that my friend and I didn’t seem to be put out together into the hall as much?

I am quite impressed with the way I was.  How fearless, creative and undaunted my effort to make something exciting happen.  This particular memory has challenged me to look for ways to be creative and daring in my day to day life.  Always ‘going along,‘ as far as I know, has never facilitated innovation, growth or excitement.  What were you like as a child?  Maybe she/he has something to teach you.

Stirrings, yearnings, frustrations
I feel  like crying, laughing, sighing
Where are the buds, the birdsong, the breezes?
Where’s my strength, my vigor, my caring?
I’d love to bewitch, bewilder and be clever
Be ‘bad’, immature, daring
I want to howl, dance, drum a beat
Be spoiled, uncivilized, unrepentant
I feel open, raw, exposed
I know you’re there
I can see you
I can feel you
I blame you
Moon.

Like most people, I have been subject to being taken advantage of by clever sales schemes - slick marketing.
I have invited vacuum cleaner salesmen into my home with the promise of a new t.v. or a trip to Disneyland and when I didn't purchase the vacuum, I didn't even receive the 'free' knife set!
I have bought weight loss plans that promised magic weight loss and the only thing that got lighter was my wallet.
I thought, smugly, that I was beyond getting tricked, hooked, hoodwinked.  I can spot a 'too-good-to- be-true' a mile away.  Wrong!  I just fell in a trap...again.
The feelings that arise from these experiences are, for me: Anger - How dare they!  Humiliation - I can't believe I fell for that.  Guilt - I should have read the (really) fine print and ultimately sadness followed by wisdom (hopefully!).  Now that I'm older and have 'enjoyed' these experiences before, I cycle through these emotions faster.  My current 'incident' is not a 'huge' thing in the big picture that is life, but that is an 'earned' perspective too.
At the root of all of these experiences, as I see it, has been hope, some may even say naivete - a wanting to believe.  I sincerely want there to be gold at the end of the rainbow.  I want there to be shortcuts, a pill that will fix it, him to be 'the one.'
The sad part is that the shysters that market slyly to this part of me, to us as people, make it a heck of a lot harder for those that have something of real value to sell.
Am I a victim?  At one time I would have said 'yes, absolutely!'  Now, I don't think I am or have been a victim.  I entered into these 'agreements' somewhat like one might enter a pool - head first, eyes open, feet first, eyes closed, but at the end, you're in the pool.  At some point I chose - I entered.  A victim is one who has no position to negotiate, no power, no choices - they are vulnerable and dependent on others for their survival.  The rest of us chose to participate in the scam somewhere along the line.
So, what did I learn this time?  I learned that I am a 'believer,' that there are no guarantees, that  not everyone (very few in fact) have my best interests in mind.  Should I be cynical, paranoid, bitter?  How about optimistic, forgiving, resilient?  Well, that and more, is for me to choose.

I notice the word gratitude contains the word attitude (you probably have too!).  Attitude is defined as; "manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, especially of the mind."  Gratitude shifts one's 'tendency of the mind" to be in a state of wanting or lack to being in one of abundance. 
I experienced that shift this weekend.  My disposition is generally one of constant education/self-improvement which, I must admit, frequently puts me in a 'wanting' state.  While it is admirable and good to set goals and to want to be the best one can be, I find with wanting, let's say, to lose weight and save money, that my focus very easily lands on where I'm not (my goal weight) and what I don't have (an awesome retirement savings). This leads to feeling dissatisfied and generally seeing my cup 1/2 empty, which makes me not my fun self.
This past Sunday, I participated in a mega-session of yoga to raise money for and awareness of arthritis and autoimmune disorders.  I was moved by the story a guest speaker told about his sufffering with the pain of arthritis in his twenties and his gratefulness for the research which has given him the help he needs to live a full life.  It made me very thankful that I am physically able to participate in yoga, in skiing, in most any activity I choose to and to do them pain free (except when I fall ...yes, I fall doing yoga). I also became aware of the generosity and support that surrounds me in my family and friends.  I am overwhelmed by the donations they made sponsoring me.  I am abundantly supplied with love, support and encouragement as well as a huge freedom of choice.  What is the purpose of all this self improvement anyway?  Well for me, after this weekend, it is to be of service, to do what I can however I can to make life better not just for myself, but for others.
Now coming from a perspective of abundance, of gratitude, instead of one of lack or wanting, dealing with improving myself is a luxury, it is a priviledge, a duty and a choice which makes succeeding a whole lot more likely. Its' great when shift happens.