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What's Great About Overwhelm

25/3/2013

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I’ve been spending lots of time with lots of women. 

Almost all of them feel overwhelmed. Women continue to be the primary
care givers to their children, to do the bulk of the household chores and to
work outside the home, and in very many cases in demanding, professional/highly
skilled jobs.  Quite a few women find themselves with the additional task of being the major bread winner, as well. To that, add extended family requirements/expectations, school
volunteering, and even church/community service.

Gosh darn she just can’t seem to find the time to take care of her own needs, let alone fill herself up. Therefore, she is performing all of the above while being chronically fatigued, with recurring bouts of illness and/or insidious pain some where in her body.  
 
We have come a long way baby, but are we having any fun?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I say the answer is Hells No!

The very saddest part about this sad situation is, and I am the previous poster woman for this, most women are overwhelmed and we’ve made it that way.

It starts out innocently enough with the best of intentions.  We really do want to be helpful and do
care and do enjoy giving, but over time and task by task, the load we take on—the being everything to everyone—becomes impossible to bear.  But to do anything about it would mean we’d have to tell the truth. 

The Truth 

This no longer works for me. I know you will be inconvenienced, uncomfortable, have to assume some responsibility.  I don’t like spending holidays with your family.  I am going away by myself, be sure the house is clean when I get home.  No I can’t help you right now, you’ll have to wait. I'll be having a nap.

The Necessary Change

To change from being overwhelmed to a healthy state, physically, mentally and emotionally, would mean we must face our fear. 

If we insist on change and stand up for ourselves, then what?  What if they can’t do it on their own?  What if they suffer? What if they can’t figure it out themselves? What if they do it their way and it’s wrong?  What if they talk about me behind my back?  What if they stop liking me? I signed up, I guess I should follow through...

Is it really better that you are inconvenienced? Uncomfortable? In chronic pain? A resentful martyr? ‘Not a minute to yourself? So that others 'like' you? 

Do you really want to continue enabling someone else’s lack of responsibility, or pleasing people who don’t really know or even like the ‘real’ you? If you cannot be your true self, are they really 'your' people? This isn't working for me anymore is a reasonable and valid statement.

Think about these things. I have and I’m still working on them.

A great thing about overwhelm? It's showing us that it's time to take back our power and energy. It is time to tune into our true needs and desires.


coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com
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​Jennifer Washington 
​
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 


What Now Life Coaching 
​

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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How Full Is Your Tank?

8/3/2013

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Self Care
When I put the question of ‘what does self care mean to you?’ out ‘there’ to women the expected answers come back:  Walks in nature, long baths, massages, meditation, yoga.  I do all of
these things, but I somehow have a knack for turning self-care into self-improvement.  I can turn a long bath into an opportunity to ladyscape and exfoliate. 
I can turn a nature walk into exercise, because, since I’m up and out, I might as well work up a sweat, right? Meditation can easily turn into a ‘search’ for meaning or guidance.  Yoga too is time to reach a goal of being flexible.  

I’ve been struggling with this and have spent the last few months making a concerted effort to figure out exactly what fills my tank.  I am discovering that it is very elementary, Dear Watson. 
I need far more rest than I think I do.  When I nap, instead of workout or go to bed when I’m tired, I am far more likely to enjoy a good mood.  When I unplug from the phone and computer to do nothing or only what I want to do, my compassion level rises.  When I feel all of my feelings, instead of deny, stuff or postpone them, I laugh more easily.  And crazy, when I eat when I’m hungry, I like everybody more!

In the never ending quest to be all I can be, I’ve somehow forgotten that I have basic needs! Exhaustion, depression and struggle has reminded me that I so still do.  In the words of my guru-daughter, “Mom! Are you a human being or a human doing?”

 In honour of National Women’s Day how about we celebrate by giving ourselves a break!  Let’s step back and enjoy all that we’ve accomplished. Let’s be KIND to our human selves. 
In nature, which is what we are in, there is bounty only after a season of rest.

What about you?  Is your self care filling your tank or is it more self improvement?

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How to Break Up With Your Bad Habit

1/3/2013

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We all struggle with ‘bad’ habits, things that are not the best for our physical, mental or emotional health but we keep doing them.  “They” are obviously filling some void, or we wouldn’t engage in the behaviour.  If the thought of giving up your bad habit seems slightly uncomfortable to out right terrifying, well you are not alone.

 Step # 1: How Old Do You Feel?  
When you think about quitting your bad habit – I mean really, go to that place in your mind and really imagine not doing that bad thing – how old do you feel?  The feeling you are having is most likely triggering some memory from your childhood around some need that didn’t get met or a trauma you suffered.  There was a lot of drama in the household where I grew up. 

The nicotine in cigarettes, I discovered at age 14, gave me a hit that triggered a relaxation response I badly needed to take things down a notch. I was tightly wound in my effort to appear normal, and all together.  When I gave up smoking, I learned to employ other relaxation methods, like running, conscious breathing and meditation.  Without the smoke, I found running and breathing a lot easier!  When your inner child hurt is triggered, it is best to listen to her.  Take care of yourself like you would a child that is hurt. Rest, give comfort and be patient.

Step # 2:  What Does My Bad Habit Help Me Believe About Myself?
Again, you wouldn’t be doing the ‘bad’ thing if you didn’t believe it was doing something for you. When you are out of control shopping what are you telling yourself?  “I am as glamorous and beautiful as A Real Housewife without all that botox?  ” When I smoked I really believed I was cool, sophisticated, mature.  The recovery part of this is to maintain the belief without the habit. 

I adopted other behaviours that were cool – a leather jacket! I actually acted mature and grown up, until it became a habit (most of the time!)  Be glamorous and beautiful in all of your actions, not just at the mall.

Step #3:  What Does My Bad Habit Give Me Permission To Do?

Smoking for me, gave me permission to take a break.  To stop. 
I recently had a conversation with a young woman who said that she started to go out with her co-worker smokers for their smoke breaks, even though she doesn’t smoke, because she realized the non-smokers never got a break!  When you are indulging in your 4th glass of wine, ask yourself what you are giving yourself permission to do or not do?  Are you saying what’s really on your mind only after glass of wine #3? What if you said what was on your mind in a non-inebriated way? 

If your bad habit is giving you permission to behave badly, can you give yourself permission to
behave badly without the bad habit?

Our ‘bad’ habits are really helpful indicators trying to get our attention and point us toward our real selves.  Our real selves that need just as much compassion, understanding and patience as any of our precious loved ones. 


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​Jennifer Washington 
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 


What Now Life Coaching 
​

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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    On my journey back to wholeness I have explored many modalities and can honestly say the What Now Life Coaching session was one of the most illuminating (yet non-invasive) interactions I've had.

    Jennifer used an interesting variety of tools to further guide me towards my "North Star" (soul's calling) and I walked away feeling grounded, comforted, validated and inspired.
    ​
    -Angela, Shaman.

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