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The Objects of Your Desire Are Clues

26/5/2016

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Are you aware that so much of what you want, even desperately, isn’t even your idea?
We are so bombarded with advertisement telling us how inadequate we are and what would make us happy that we have lost touch with our real heart’s longings and our individual life’s purpose.

Is it any coincidence that there is a continual rise in cases of anxiety, depression, psychic disorders - all related to feelings ranging from inadequacy to total despair? The always striving never arriving, because there’s always something more you could be, do or have is exhausting and eventually soul crushing.

So how does one determine true desire and purpose? The objects that you yearn for, not just once or twice, but the ones that you continually mention in conversation, the ones that are pictures on your vision board or on the list of your self improvement strategies, are clues.

Meet Joe. Imagine you are Joe. Joe wants a supermodel girlfriend. You maybe want a million dollars. An important job title. A baby. A body like a supermodel. Joe dates very intelligent, interesting, attractive women, but they are not supermodels. He doesn’t allow himself to have meaningful relationships because the women are not measuring up to the standard in his fantasy. You may have constant feelings of longing and discouragement because there seems to be an unbridgeable gap between where you are and the object of your desire. When Joes is asked to do an imagining exercise—imagine a supermodel walks into his life right now. Are you ready to have a relationship with her? Is your life set up to have her in it? Joe discovers some interesting things.

See yourself having or being your desire. What does it feel like, in your body? What does it mean that you have this object/achievement? Who is the person having the experience? What are the responsibilities that having and maintaining this object of your desire entails?

When Joe sees himself dating a supermodel, he feels special, important—like his worth has improved. When asked, ‘What does it mean to have this type of girlfriend?’ Joe feels it means he deserves admiration, respect, envy. It would mean that he’d ‘made it.’

Joe admits he feels inadequate, unworthy, that he doesn’t feel as important as he wants to feel. He also sees that a supermodel girlfriend can not make that a reality for him, that these are things that he needs to cultivate in himself. Joe also admits that he probably does not have the energy to keep up with the expectations and needs of a life with a super model. What about you? Is your right-now self prepared to be/have what you desire?
​
It is not the outward ‘symbols’ that give us status or the worth, it is what we believe about ourselves that determines how we show up in the world. The objects of your desires are very important clues as to what your real self is truly pursuing. They are ‘representations’ of how you want to feel and who you desire to be.
 

 
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Desired Objects

19/5/2016

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I surrender. I admit and acknowledge that my dreams are not coming true. I’ve been frustrated and angry with God/The Universe/Divine because my prayers and efforts have not produced my intentions.

Did you catch that? MY intentions. Once again I find myself physically, mentally, emotionally tired because I’ve worn myself out trying to conger my dreams. Only to realize that my dreams were totally founded on what I thought I should want and those thoughts and shoulds were totally based in fear.

Because I was so stubbornly focused on what my dreams should look like and on the fact that they are nowhere in sight – not even on the distant horizon, I concluded that the Universe was punishing me by not delivering what I was demanding.

The Universe is not ignoring me. It wasn’t even getting my calls! My emails were never delivered. There is no receiver for the signals I was sending. Now that I see (again!) the error of my ways, I am recommitted to learning and practicing the language of the Universe/Divine/God.  The ancient connection is waking up and messages are once again flowing, being both sent and received.

I’ve let go of the grand picture of my destination, which I thought was necessary. I now listen first. I wait for small, gentle, often very quiet urges, knowings and wonderings that I’m beginning to recognize as crumbs on the trail that is my path. Along this very faint trail are tiny surprises and delights that keep me entranced, curious enough to get up each day and pick up the trail. This is tough going for me. I love to have a pretty, shining goal/accomplishment to run hard at until I triumphantly claim it (pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, anyone?) This watching, waiting and moving in fits and starts is honing my patience, which is NOT one of my ‘goals!’ I don’t have a clear picture of where I’m going. I can’t see very far ahead on my path. Some days the path is clearer than others. Some days I lose the trail altogether. But, like I said, there have been delights—winks and nods—from the Universe each and every day. I’m being trained (the Universe is so clever!) to be present in each moment, so that I don’t miss my daily surprise. I sometimes don’t recognize it until after the fact, but, hey.

Some moments, hours and even days are terrifying. The ever present fear voice(s) get quite loud and I easily slip back into thinking, acting, believing in my habitual manner. It ‘feels' secure because it’s what I’m used to. I use the tools and practices I preach to you over and over. They really, really work! As in, they give me valuable insight and information and true connection to guidance from God/Universe/Love. Those tiny crumbs I mentioned. And, I lean heavily on ‘my people.’ The ones who’ve experienced this and are rocking it, and the ones who are in it too! (LOVE you guys!!) Eventually my new thoughts, actions and beliefs will ‘feel’ normal and safe.
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 Maybe you too are experiencing the dying of a fear-based wish, dream or vision and are also searching for the crumbs on a trail you didn’t know you signed up for? Trust that the Universe is communicating with you. Its language is peace. Its voice can only be heard in resting, in observing and in alignment with love. And sometimes, indeed, most times it will not give you the full picture because it wants to delight you daily, along the way.
 
Release the objects of your desire. They are a dime-store representation of the masterpieces you actually deserve! 
         

P.S. Our fear-based desires are clues! I'll explain. Stay tuned.
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When Disaster Happens

12/5/2016

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When disaster happens we are naturally thrown into a state of fight, flight or freeze. These very helpful survival mechanisms are triggered to keep us alive, that is their sole, very refined purpose. What we tend to forget, however, is that these states are temporary. Unfortunately, these survival mechanisms are triggered even when we aren’t experiencing threat, but when we merely observe or perceive threat. If we are constantly watching the news coverage of a tragic event – like the fire in Fort McMurray, we signal a survival state, albeit an mild one. When this state persists, it is detrimental to our physical, emotional and mental well being.

My heart goes out to all who are connected to the devastation in Fort McMurray.

So what can we do that’s helpful, true and kind? (All things one should consider BEFORE offering anything) What can we do that releases us from our survival state and returns us to our much more helpful and effective rest and digest state?

Some very practical, helpful things we can do:

Be Prepared. 

Don’t rely on ‘them’ to be responsible for your personal safety. Educate yourself. Know what to do in an emergency. https://www.getprepared.gc.ca/cnt/hzd/drng-en.aspx
How will you get out of your home in case of a fire? Where is your fire extinguisher?
What about a flood? https://www.getprepared.gc.ca/cnt/rsrcs/pblctns/flds-wtd/index-en.aspx

We can stock up on contained water. Have your gas tank always full, have extra, fresh batteries on hand. Also a good idea; have a piece of luggage packed with essentials.

Offer Help and Support

Everything from donating money (much more helpful than physical goods at this time) to volunteering. You could join the Red Cross to assist with the organization or there are many special services organizations that may appreciate a trained volunteer. We can also support those organizations that are out front offering free goods and services to those directly affected. Subway, WestJet come to mind. Please comment below if you know other donating businesses that we can support.

Things we can do that support us spiritually and mentally:

Choose our Response.

For those of us a safe way away from this particular disaster, we can choose to be grateful. We are safe and far away from disaster.

Stay present.

Choose to be a source of calm and safety.

Criticism, Blame and throwing up our hands believing we are helpless victims is not helpful. It adds needless toxicity.

The hard truth is that disaster and or tragedy can strike no matter how prepared we think we are. That is unsettling.

Trust that your very specific, well-designed survival instinct will kick in precisely when and how you need it to in order for you to live.

After preparing as best you can, realize that a you are most likely to be resourceful and use clear thinking action when you feel secure. Again, choose to trust that you will respond and react appropriately when/if confronted. Until then, go about contributing to your well being and to the well being of those around you to the best of your ability.

If you have been affected by the Fort McMurray devastation or know some one who is and you or they need a listening ear, please call me and I will donate a session.
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Part of the Herd (Part Two)

5/5/2016

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Part of the Herd Part Two

Last week I pointed out how we are part of a herd, that it has its benefits, but it can also be detrimental, if there isn’t room for freedom of expression and exploration.

Remember Mary and Beth and Jacki and June? (See Part of the Herd (Part One). They, in their various ways were attempting to break out of the herd and become more themselves. All of them were met with disapproval and threat on some level. Mary was finally losing many pounds, after years of struggle, using behaviour modification which included avoiding her friends that were only into eating, drinking and sitting around gossiping as recreation. Of course, these friends resented her and dubbed her as ‘snooty.’ Beth was finally seeking therapy after years of covering up her abusive childhood. Many in her community stigmatize those in therapy as “mentally ill” which has been very hurtful for Beth.

Jacki and June struggle to keep a relationship with their mother even though she continually belittles and berates them, because they believe one should be nice to their mother.

Group disapproval is a powerful force and it is strictly based in fear. The way of the herd, even if it is abusive, is familiar and predictable, which is preferable to risk and uncertainty. It would be delightful if all of our groups encouraged us to step outside, to explore, to express ourselves fully, but most groups view anything outside the rules as threatening and will quickly strike to shut any of that threat down and if that means annihilating you personally, some groups will do it.
 
Why, Exactly, Should You Struggle to be Heard outside the Herd?

1)  To uncover your particular gifts and strengths.  When we are playing roles to fulfill the needs of others and keep peace, we are not living as our authentic selves. The joy of living lies in expressing our individual unique abilities which means discovering what they are and finding ways to demonstrate them. 

2)  
To avail yourself of the experiences, which will include joy and pain (yes, your risk may cause pain, but you will get through it), that lay beyond your comfort zone. We are programed or designed for expansion and growth. The very thing that we want to change or create is the process or challenge that will turn us into our true selves. 

3)  To bring expansion and growth back to your tribe. Yes, when we change, it does affect the people around us and sometimes that is met with disapproval. Think of the caveman who struck out on his own, much to the chagrin of his family and friends. He ventures far afield to discover another colony of cavemen who possess the skill to make fire. The caveman brings that knowledge back to his cave family who are initially terrified of this new magic. They live and evolve, because of fire they never would have had, had their guy not gone out into the risky unknown. 

You, being your fully expressed self brings growth and expansion to everyone around you, which is your gift to them.

Beth and Mary have made their individual changes and have inspired many in their community to do the same. Pounds have been lost, gyms have been joined, treatments have been pursued and friendships have become more honest and true.
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Jacki and June have learned to respectfully correct their mother and institute personal boundaries when her judgements are out of line. Surprisingly, their mother is voicing pride and respect for her daughters as never before.


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    On my journey back to wholeness I have explored many modalities and can honestly say the What Now Life Coaching session was one of the most illuminating (yet non-invasive) interactions I've had.

    Jennifer used an interesting variety of tools to further guide me towards my "North Star" (soul's calling) and I walked away feeling grounded, comforted, validated and inspired.
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    -Angela, Shaman.

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