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Stage One Awakening; What it Actually Looks Like

24/5/2017

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What We Think Awakening Looks Like
Awakening; Stage One: What it Actually Looks Like
 
Holly shares that she’s going through an extremely difficult time. She’s decided to leave her 29-year marriage. Dealing with the process of divorce is hard enough, but the dissolution of such a long-term relationship is proving emotionally overwhelming. On top of that, one of her parents is gravely ill and one of her adult children has moved home. They both need her focused attention. Holly is surprised to be assailed with never-before-experienced anxiety resulting in daily panic attacks. She cries often. She is certain that she is not handling this episode in her life as well as she should be. She apologizes for needing to vent and is searching for some insight into how she can handle herself better.

Holly does not need to handle herself better. Holly needs reassurance from the many who have already experienced exactly what she’s experiencing, which is; Holly has entered stage one of awakening.

When you search on-line and find “The Signs That You’re Awakening” they most likely will not include: 1) the life you worked to build becomes impossible to live in 2) sudden onslaught of anxiety, depression and insomnia 3) crisis in all relationships 4) severe self-doubt 5) obsession with finding where you went wrong 6) an impossible amount of crisis, and then one more.

Holly, and possibly you, are awakening from role playing. All the roles that women adopt—wife, mother, daughter, employee/entrepreneur, etc.—to fit in and to get love. I talk a lot about this. The awakening, that seems sudden, has been steadily growing inside until it can no longer be contained within the constraining roles. Like birth, we need to burst out of the womb-like existence that our roles provided for us to realize our true selves.

Holly needs a compassionate witness to her unsettling awakening. She doesn’t know who she really is. Most of us don’t. She needs to talk, a lot (Women We Need to Talk). Holly needs to realize that she has been constricting herself, probably since her actual birth, so that her loved ones can feel comfortable and therefore accept her, but at a terrible cost to herself and to them. Holly needs to be taught how to nurture her true self; to be the all-loving, only kind, attentive parent to her new, emerging self.

We seem to imagine awakening in reverse order. We picture a beatific expression on the face of an awakening soul as she opens her arms to a holy light and peace descends upon her forever. That is more like the end of a lifetime of awakenings. In the beginning, awakening, like all birth, is traumatic, it is messy and it is inevitable. Occupying life inside our roles was not a mistake. They were not wrong or bad, they were a stage that is now over and the next has begun.


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Stage One Awakening What it Actually Looks Like
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What Really Happens When You Rest?

18/5/2017

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What Really Happens When You Rest?

Do you wish you had the time to get a proper rest? Or that your schedule would slow down already , so that you could fit in a regular meditation session, a yoga class or even massage? Does the idea of a weekend retreat or week long get-away seem so out of reach that you can’t even entertain the idea? Have you actually tried any of the above and it didn’t go so well or you just didn’t enjoy it?
The thing with resting, meditation and getting away by ourselves, is that when we do these things, what really happens is that our shit comes up! Meaning, everything that you just don’t have time to think about and/or all the emotions you avoid feeling. I struggled with this for a long time. I wore myself out doing and trying all the things that were ‘good’ for me and then I would force myself to go away, to be alone and to rest and meditate and I would hate it! I did not know what to do with my thoughts and feelings that were waiting so patiently for me while I was busy.


The Beginning of Self-Love

And this, my friends, is the beginning of self love. We are just starting to get ‘it’ (self-love) when we make the effort – and it is no small effort – to listen to our buried fears. This is the ‘secret’ that no one really talked about or explained to me. And, it wasn’t until I began to just listen to myself, did changes in my life happen. At first the thoughts and emotions were completely overwhelming and truly unmanageable. And my worst fear really did happen. Once I allowed the light to shine into the darkness within myself it was a nightmare. The journey within really does take courage. It is as epic as any heroic feat.

There are many methods and techniques for processing emotions and thoughts. I spend many coaching sessions with my clients teaching them. I recommend Byron Katie: The Work and anything under ‘emotions’ in the Perception Trainers Videos on YouTube. Once you start, it takes consistent practice.


The Light Is Within

Like a bundle of tangled wires, with patience, diligence and lots and lots of rest (!) I was eventually able to untangle and deal with each knot.  I emphasize ‘eventually!’ It was over time. I did not untangle the whole bundle at once. I kept going back, one knot/tangle at a time. And like those wires, the knots have left some indentations, certain, but just a few, thoughts and feelings want to default back into their knots. But, now when I go into my quiet time, these knots are much easier to untangle. The wire kinks smooth out quicker. This is the way I’ve crawled out of years of depression and anxiety. The more I practice this, the more what I thought were my dark thoughts and emotions have become sources of great information. I am discovering that within the darkest knots and kinks is my true light.

Once you can greet your thoughts and emotions with curiosity and eventually welcome them with love, you will be able to sit in silence and have peace within it. When this happens you will make spending time in silence a priority. You will begin to notice great shifts in your thinking, your problem solving and in your routine. Much of your busyness will vanish. Your priorities will be easy to maintain. Drama will simply not occur.

Or, you can stay busy.

 

​Questions? Comments? I love hearing from you.
​
Email:
 coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

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​Jennifer Washington Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 
What Now Life Coaching 
www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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Another Workshop?

4/5/2017

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Do We Really Need Another Workshop?
Do We Really Need Another Workshop?


Jen (Spoiler alert! Names have NOT been changed…It’s me!) want to grow a garden. She envisions radiant, full bodied flowers of all shapes, sizes and colours and can already taste the carrots, beets and tomatoes bursting with flavour and textures. Jen’s purchased every gardening implement, tool, hose, fertilizer and soil that the gardening center sells. She’s read up on the proper way to plant and grow every seed she’s chosen.

She looks out upon her not-yet-staked-out garden patch and sees only an expanse of grass, weeds and dirt. There are no borders, no organization and no control. She pulled up weeds and attempted to stake out a patch for flowers and vegetables. She got tired. She took a break. For days, then weeks. She returned to find the weeds returned and her patches no longer defined.

Just having the tools, reading the manuals and watching the videos are not going to grow Jen’s dream garden.

This is how we are with all the information and tools we’ve gathered from all the growth, coaching, vision board workshops we have attended; with all the on-line courses we have purchased; with all the videos and blogs we have read. To produce what we truly desire takes employing the tools and the techniques that the ‘gurus’ claim really, really work. We don’t realize until we start, exactly how much work it is to change what already exists and grow something new. We seem to also gloss over the parts in the seminars, the books and the teachings that tell us that we will fail, we will go back to square one many times, we will feel intense frustration and quit many times. If you sit through a session of any kind, where they are selling you something, and they don’t tell you it will be difficult, and you will fail before you succeed, they are lying to you. The weeds in Jen’s garden are her thoughts, emotions and habits. The undefined space is her future.


Self-Empowering Workshops are our New Church.

Which reminds me of a story I was told in church; A congregation of ducks waddle into their Sunday morning church. The motivational speaker, a.k.a. preacher, gives an oration convincing the ducks that they can soar like eagles. When he punctuates the phrase “soar like eagles,” the ducks squawk and flap their wings. Each time, they squawk a little louder and flap a little harder. They do this to the point of actually gaining elevation and some ducks even flap around the room. There is much ‘amenning.’ At the end of the sermon, they all WADDLE out.

Is that you? Do you get entranced, empowered, motivated and then waddle out?

By all means, go to the workshop if it is something you are truly interested in, but promise yourself to take at least ONE tip, tool, suggestion and implement it!

I’m watching my friend Deb rebuild her life using every self-recovery tool she’s studied. I see inspirational athlete, Charmaine, transform herself and turn everything she’s been coached on into an entrepreneurial empire. I’ve witnessed my sister, Jocelyn, work, sacrifice, stumble and rise again and again using every available and some not so available resource to achieve her career goals. I’ve witnessed my daughters, Ali and Samantha empower themselves mentally, emotionally and physically—reaching far beyond what we, their parents provided. I follow and study these people, as well as do my daily tending to the creation in progress that is me—My Garden

Take note of whom you’re following? Does what they say line up with what they do? Good Coaches (What Does A Life Coach Do?) do not just get you ‘hopped up’ on motivation, they walk you through the tools until you have mastered them and can use them on your own, because that’s what they have done.

Comments? Questions? 


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    On my journey back to wholeness I have explored many modalities and can honestly say the What Now Life Coaching session was one of the most illuminating (yet non-invasive) interactions I've had.

    Jennifer used an interesting variety of tools to further guide me towards my "North Star" (soul's calling) and I walked away feeling grounded, comforted, validated and inspired.
    ​
    -Angela, Shaman.

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