WHAT NOW? LIFE COACHING.
  • What Now? Life Coaching
  • Services/Contact Me
  • Mushroom to Sunflower Blog
  • What Does A Life Coach Do?
  • Finding Your What Now; Creating the Next Years of Your Life
  • Depression; Your Personal Message Workbook
  • Vision Board
  • Female Emotional Neglect Recovery
  • Buy the Program
  • Are You Emotionally Neglected?

Feeling Happy Now

28/7/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture

I spent so much of my life waiting to be happy. I held the common mantra of “I’ll be happy when…” I get married, have children, land the dream job, lose weight, feel better, etc.…. I firmly believed that what I wanted was outside of myself and I just had to work hard and be a good person (there are a bazillion definitions for this, fyi) and then I would magically get and become what I wanted, then I would be happy. I accomplished all of these things and my happiness never arrived.

Most of the stress and drama in our lives involves believing the relentless media streaming that we don’t have enough, what we have can be taken from us and that our value is outside of ourselves and others need to provide it. We stay in our resigned or even resentful states of being because we believe that we cannot feel safe unless the government does something or our circumstances improve. We can’t feel secure until we have x number of dollars in savings. We can’t be happy until so and so loves us, our mother validates of us, our children are healthy and happy, our boss recognizes our achievement. Or a big one; because someone else is suffering. In short we don’t live fully until we see the evidence. But the kicker is, often we won’t see the evidence until we live fully.

I hear constantly that being told to ‘love yourself’ and ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ and ‘don’t worry, be happy’ are just too vague. And even a practice of gratitude doesn’t work for some. The key to feeling happy now is to actually feel how having your wants/desires realized would feel. What if you believed you were safe and that nothing could be taken from you? What if you had all the money in the bank? What if your mother really loved you? What if you got the promotion, the award, the raise? Can you feel it? It’s not the ‘thing’ you want, it’s the feeling. And, how is not feeling this way working for you, so far?

The next part is to act from those feelings. What does the you that has what you want wear? What does she eat? Who does she hang with? How does she spend her time? How does she fully live? How does she fully show up as her secure, assured, validated self? Your feelings absolutely dictate your actions.

We don’t have to make big changes or strive for big achievements to feel happy. We don’t have to work hard, fix, undo; get rid of the relationships, change jobs, move or run a marathon (unless that makes you really happy!) because you and your unhappiness just go with you. The happiness you want is still ‘out there.’ Once the shift to feeling what happy feels like takes place, the outside environment shifts by itself subtly; People that used to irritate, seem nicer and even better looking. The job suddenly feels enjoyable. You appreciate that your mother sacrificed for your survival, if not for your happiness. To bigger shifts; The promotion you wanted goes to someone else, but an opportunity more to your liking opens up. The relationship dissolves on its own. You lose weight because you’re out living as your happy, validated self.
​
There are thousands of stories of people who have gone to incredible lengths to realize their dreams only to wake up with the same sense of emptiness and unhappiness that they had before they started their journey or people who have lost everything but started over and are grateful that the experience taught them what made them truly happy. Life is short. Feel happy now.

 
0 Comments

Want to Get Unstuck? Prepare to Die

21/7/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Are You Stuck?

Is there something you are working toward or a change you want to make and it just isn’t happening?
Most people, and me, become stuck at some point or another because we want to achieve something, but old programming, past failures and fear are keeping us from the desire or goal. When this happens we have choices; 1) Give up the goal and learn to be content. 2) Pick a different focus 3) Wait to be rescued. 4) Face what is holding you back.

Here’s the quick and dirty; 1, 2 and 3 are not going to work. These are delay and stalling tactics. Choosing these options just keep your wheels spinning. You may feel like you are getting some traction, or relieved when someone bails you out, but you won’t get far before you wind up stuck again, because….

The desire you have is the precise force that will drive you to overcome your challenge. It will nag, itch, burn, return and keep getting you stuck until something internal changes. The reason you want what you want is so that you have to work for it. The working for it is how you grow and develop into who you want to be. To use a metaphor—you lift heavy weights at the gym to become strong and toned. The weights are the means to your desired end. The challenge you must face to get what you want is the means to the end which is a more realized you.

So what exactly is holding you back and how do you get around it? First, you must ask yourself the tough questions; What am I avoiding? What is making me afraid? What is the thing I must do, that I don’t want to do, in order to get what I want? What has to change in order for me to move forward? Once you face what’s blocking you, then you must do what Martha Beck says; let it kill you. That’s right, doing the very thing that you’re afraid to do may feel a bit like death and in fact it is a death. Whatever you are holding on to must be let go and that part of you, the fear, the ‘little’ you, must die.

Think back. There was a previous challenge in your life and you faced it. Remember how afterward you were so relieved and maybe even laughed a little that you took so long to do it and how great it felt on the other side? And, you realized it made you better, stronger, faster, etc.
​
Have the conversation. Sign up for the work. Face the consequences. Ask for help. Make the leap. Part of you will die. The reward is not only the achievement of your desire but the expansion, the resurrection of your empowered self.


0 Comments

Shame Pain

14/7/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
I’ve mentioned that things have been intense for me recently. And whenever anything is intense, I know from experience, that there is something for me to learn, otherwise, it wouldn’t feel intense! This time, while processing and being confronted with new insights about myself – because that’s what close relationships help me do, I bumped smack up against shame.

I recently ‘caught’ my shame – actual words behind my thinking, saying, “you idiot, you should have known better, you can’t admit that this is what you’ve been doing and thinking!” And, “You are NOT good at this, why do you keep doing it?” This voice is soooo subtle, but holy smokes it is powerful. I have obeyed it and have stayed small because of it. But even more disastrous is that I have let it affect my connections to myself and to those I love. That is the root problem with shame.

Brene Brown expertly talks about this in her book “Daring Greatly,” which I highly recommend. Reading about shame as theory and working through shame as reality, however, are very different things. In light of my recent confrontation with shame I have reviewed many conversations I have had and inside each of those conversations, my friends have expressed not only the difficulties they are facing, but each and every one of them cited that they felt shame on some level for having these difficulties.

Neuroscience and technology have proven that intense emotions have a physical component. Shame, as one example, is literally painful. The only cure, or way to overcome shame is to be vulnerable. And vulnerability is completely tied into our survival mechanism. Anything that is potentially dangerous, and that’s what vulnerability feels like – there is a possibility that we will be harmed in some way if we expose ourselves, and because rejection is right up there as a painful emotional/physical sensation, we tend to avoid vulnerability.
​
The choice I need to make? Stay disconnected, small and ‘safe’ OR admit/confess/confront/persist, risking vulnerability and experience connection, forgiveness and possibly expansion. Sounds simple….

0 Comments

    On my journey back to wholeness I have explored many modalities and can honestly say the What Now Life Coaching session was one of the most illuminating (yet non-invasive) interactions I've had.

    Jennifer used an interesting variety of tools to further guide me towards my "North Star" (soul's calling) and I walked away feeling grounded, comforted, validated and inspired.
    ​
    -Angela, Shaman.

    RSS Feed

    Picture
    Picture
    Are You Emotionally Suppressed?
    Picture
    Where's Your Wild Child? Awakening a Sleeping Dream Part Two
    Picture
    Understanding Human Emotions Part One
    Picture
    Free Worksheet!
    Picture






    ​Archives

    June 2022
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    September 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    December 2010

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos used under Creative Commons from quinn.anya, Lemsipmatt, Feist, Michael - FunnyFence - catchthefuture, Jannie-Jan, alex.shultz, DJ-Dwayne [Away till 31st November], volantwish, Viajar24h.com, JUSU, nafmo, Cloned Milkmen, litratcher, frankieleon, amishsteve, shootthedoll, William Arthur Fine Stationery, kodomut, Carodean Road Designs, torbakhopper, jessicahtam, limevelyn, Kurdishstruggle, peterworsley, tara marie, Daniel Hathaway, Calgary Reviews, KLGreenNYC, Cecily Michelle, RaubDaub, cogdogblog, Jade♥, Maria Grazia Montagnari, CinCool, x1klima, bambe1964, David Sifry, @lattefarsan, miamism, Daniel E Lee, Jellaluna, emjahn, dracychan, Denis Dervisevic, Street matt, Paxson Woelber, Glyn Lowe Photoworks., _Fidelio_, Ann Frye, Prayitno / Thank you for (10 millions +) views, markyharky, Avenue G, glasseyes view, Infomastern, craigCloutier, frank-hl, andertoons, eioua, torbakhopper, Silly Eagle Books, dronepicr, mikie t, Sustainable sanitation, Eduardo Mueses, Chrysaora, D.o.M.e.N.i.C.o (memmo77), elidr, blondinrikard, Ben+Sam, striatic, __MaRiNa__, edenpictures, fruity monkey, Thomas Rousing, R'lyeh Imaging, FaceMePLS, casey.marshall, quinn.anya, Jim Trottier, Holger Zscheyge, Athena I. Saldaña