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Compassionate Witnessing Revisited

25/7/2017

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This is a re-post (with some editing) of a subject I wrote back in 2011, Compassionate Witnessing. I wanted to revisit this topic because in my work and my continuing training, I have learned much more about emotional wounding. The following is now what I consider;

Part One: Compassionate Witnessing/Emotional Wounding 

Way back, in the year 2011, I tuned in to see my favorite Life Coach, Martha Beck, on Oprah’s podcast. 

In the video Martha says;
a person cannot heal from emotional wounds without a compassionate witness.

Who in this world, this life is not wounded emotionally?  Please send me a photo of them, if you know some.

Digging Up Wounds

I was inspired to go digging for my own emotional wounds. I was surprised by a memory of my Grade 8 year-end camping trip.  Our whole class, the teacher and a few parents traveled several miles away from our small town into the northern wilderness for a week of camping and canoeing.  That was the week all the girls in the class proceeded to ostracize me.  I spent the 5 days hiking, eating and sleeping in a pup tent by myself. It was a humiliating and painful experience. In my 14-year-old mind I believed I must have done something to deserve it, kept a stiff upper lip and bore my suffering. Once the summer ended and we were back in school, my friendships resumed, I forgot about it. At least I thought I had.


How to Detect Emotional Wounds

We may (or may not!) know the events, words, things that have wounded us.  They are affecting our lives whether we are aware of them or not. The hard part then is to find those wounds and the next hardest part is to expose them. Martha suggests we get alone with ourselves and allow a connection with our bodies.  Feel where, in our bodies we are holding tension, pain or even sadness.  When you connect to a place with any of those feelings, just be aware of them.  Observe them.  Begin to breathe space around the feelings, giving them room to grow even.  Don’t worry, the feeling will not overwhelm you. It is proven that every emotion has a ‘hang time’ of about 90 seconds. By that, I mean, the emotion will emerge, grow stronger, crest, then subside and then abate.  Sometimes this will be all you need to be relieved of your emotional wound symptoms. 

Other times, the wound will need more attention. The next stage is to name it. What is the wound? What caused it?  Memories can be painful to relive, so it is helpful to tell it to someone.  A compassionate witness. You may have to instruct whomever you pick that you need them to listen to you without judgment and without having to solve your problem or even offer sympathy. Their job is simply to listen, to witness your pain.  If you don’t know anyone who can fill this role for you, then it is wise to hire a counselor or coach, especially for the really ‘big’ stuff.  By allowing the hurt, which is a ‘secret’ you are trying to bury, to surface and get air and light you will begin the healing process.


I have been very fortunate to have several compassionate witnesses in my life – my sister, my friends, my daughters, my mother.  I have also hired coaches and counselors to help me with the really big wounds. When I discovered this grade-school wound, I phoned my mom and explained to her the concept of compassionate witness; that I needed her to just hear my ‘story’ about what happened to me that week so many years ago.  I had never shared it with her or anyone because I felt ashamed.  It’s hard to explain the release I felt when I told her. It was like I had been holding my breath but didn’t know it. That event and my subsequent beliefs around it, have affected my behavior around groups and especially groups of women. Telling the details to my mom was a healing experience. I am glad I received the information and used it. I am thankful for my compassionate witnesses and very happy to provide compassionate witnessing.

Every wound needs to be cleaned for it to heal. The process of exposing, then cleaning is the painful, but very necessary part of healing.  Be gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself as you would anyone who is physically wounded. The wound will eventually become a scar. You will then be able to move forward without having to hide it, protect it or live with pain.

BUT, There's More! Tune in next week for Part 2; Healing Emotional Wounds.



Check out my Workbook Here!

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Read; Depression; Your Personal Message, The Back Story Blog
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Depression, Your Personal Message; The Back Story

19/7/2017

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An E-book Workbook
Depression, Your Personal Message; The Back Story

A little while ago, I created a workbook for people with depression and anxiety. I did this because I’ve experienced both and the long journey of trying to deny, run from, eradicate and numb these conditions. Until a profound moment in a public library. I picked up a book, Dark Nights of The Soul, by Thomas Moore. I stood and read the introduction, where Moore presented the idea that maybe this condition I battled was there to help me. There began the journey of turning toward my depression and anxiety. I began to see them as messengers coming to me in a language I did not understand. I needed to learn the language.

This led me to Life Coach Certification. I obtained concrete, psychology/sociology-based tools and exercises that are keys to understanding the language of the inner self. I learned the tools and exercises, I applied them and they worked! Then, because I was surrounded by people on antidepressants, struggling to function in day-to-day life, I felt an urgency to apply what I had learned specifically to depression and anxiety.



In Honour of My Dearly Departed Brother

When I was creating the book, my brother was struggling with his ongoing anxiety. I kept him in mind as I wrote. I asked him and 15 other people I knew personally, deep questions about their condition and struggles as well as all the remedies and therapies they’d pursued. I asked what was effective and what wasn’t. I then asked them to test my workbook. Their feedback and suggestions helped the book become exactly as I had intended. One of my testers described it as ‘taking me by the hand and walking me through.’ Which is exactly what I wished I had had when I went through my darkest times and struggles.

I am promoting this book, again, in honour of my brother. He died accidentally in a motor vehicle accident a year and a ½ ago. At the time of his accident he was in a good place in his life. He had gotten help with his anxiety and he was doing his personal work of discovering what it was communicating to him. I grieve for the loss of him in my life and for what could have been for him. But, I am also comforted knowing that he is at peace.



Maybe You, Maybe Someone You Know

My intention today is to get the book to people that need ‘a hand,’ right now. Maybe this person is you. It is an e-book. It is easy to order and the download is automatic. Click Here We can even walk through the workbook together where I’m your personal coach through the process. Click Here Maybe it isn’t for you, but you know someone who might be interested. Forward this to them or the link to the webpage. If you’re worried about offending them, I can tell you with confidence that even if they resent you for intruding, they will be pleased on some level that you care enough to confront the issue, even a little bit. Who knows, you may be just the nudge they need.

My depression and anxiety taught me many wonderful, amazing things. They were not my enemies. They were my gracious, compassionate friends, doggedly insisting on getting my attention. I’m so grateful they did.

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​Jennifer Washington 
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach 


What Now Life Coaching 
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www.whatnowlifecoaching.com 

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    On my journey back to wholeness I have explored many modalities and can honestly say the What Now Life Coaching session was one of the most illuminating (yet non-invasive) interactions I've had.

    Jennifer used an interesting variety of tools to further guide me towards my "North Star" (soul's calling) and I walked away feeling grounded, comforted, validated and inspired.
    ​
    -Angela, Shaman.

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