A while back I was contacted by a free-lance writer and interviewed about women and career.  Today, I will post her questions and my answers! (I will let you know if this ever gets published somewhere!)

1. On average, how often do you think women are reinventing themselves or attempting to? (pertaining directly to a career change or trying to make a hobby profitable?      
I would say a women reinvents herself directly pertaining to career change or profitable hobby launching every 6 months or at least once per year.  Things are changing so rapidly in every facet of employment and technology, just being current and relevant involves reinvention. I don’t see women necessarily changing careers, but inside their chosen careers, reinvention is necessary and happens often.  Creativity is also abundantly present.  A woman will creatively redesign herself, her workspace, her job description frequently because the ideas are flowing.

2. Can you give me an example of the different challenges women may have when attempting to make a big career change at 20, 30 and 40?     

Big Career Change Challenges:  Cons
At 20:  pressure to make the ‘right’ choice in career/fear of failure/mistakes.  Family pressure, peer pressure and lack of knowledge about personal self. ‘ Still transitioning from Adolescence to Adulthood.  ‘Huge autonomy changes -  ‘Finishing post secondary school, securing employment, securing housing, relationships, financing.  The learning curve is very steep.

At 30:  Demands on time and energy have been subtly acquired –demands by/from boss, husband, children, family.  Woman realizes suddenly that she is overwhelmed, over-scheduled and not sure how she got there.

At 40:  Job security and familiarity may mean she doesn’t want to rock the boat – giving up pension, benefits, position, etc.

Pros:
At 20:  So many choices!  Everything is experience.  No experience is wasted.  Time for exploration and discovery. 

At 30:  Really having it all right now, career, kids, relationship, grown up real world life.

Age 40:  Better self- knowledge, wisdom, less angst.

3. What are the pros and cons of reinventing at each age: 20, 30, 40?           

Pros and Cons of Reinventing: At 20:  No wasted experience, it all counts.  Too many choices?

At 30:  Not too late to change direction entirely and still secure future.  Tired, hard to reinvent in the midst of very full life.  Shock and awe of ‘tribe’ if you step out – peer and family expectations may prevent a woman from stepping into her true desire.

At 40:  Knowledge of self a lot clearer.  Values solidified, less conformity pressure.  May have to give up long term security/comfort.

4. What are some tips and strategies that women at each of these stages can employ to be most successful?     

Tips and strategies.
Every age and stage will go through the same cycle of change.  All change begins with a ‘catalytic’ event of some sort.  Some catalysts are biological – built into our biology.  Eg. Infant to toddler, child to adolescent, adolescent to adult, then mid-life, then old age.  These are stages that cause change.  Other events occur seemingly randomly, but all, one or some will happen to everyone at some point in our lives.  Events like marriage, divorce, death of a loved one, illness, job loss, even rapid success will cause transition in our lives.  Transition means that you must leave one state to assume another.  As in marriage; you must adjust from being independent single to operating as a couple.  After the initial catalyst that thrusts you into transition, you will adjust and begin to explore and create in your new state.  Once the new state has taken hold and becomes ‘new normal,’ you will go into a maintaining stage, small , constant adjustments until the next catalyst comes along.

A great strategy for the 20 year old ‘phase’ (or any time you are in a situation you’ve never encountered before) would be to adopt a “Kindergarten” attitude.  In  Kindergarten you are not expected to know anything.  You are expected to acquire information and knowledge and perform only when you understand all the rules and procedures.  The  biggest mistakes happen when one pretends to know something they don’t.  The ‘fake it til you make it’ is not always a good strategy when just starting out.  If you are the newbie, go with that. Be humble, ask, watch and learn.

I often advise overscheduled women (most in their 30’s!) to Better, barter, or bag it.  Seriously inventory everything you are responsible for, everything you do in a week and then take each item in the inventory and decide if this item can be discarded – bagged.  If not, then can it be bartered?  Exchange child care, house hold chores, car pooling to have some grown up, free time.  If bartering or bagging is not optional, then figure out a way to better it while you are doing it.  Treats while performing task or as reward for completion – a piece of dark chocolate, a Starbuck’s coffee, your favourite soap opera guilt free.  We reward children, why stop as an adult. Pear down those energy drains and add some energy givers.  Learn to say no.

Reinvention can be fun at any stage, but in your 40’s it is especially, well ‘special ‘ to “Dream & Scheme.”  At this stage many women have finally figured what they absolutely cannot tolerate another second.  Most need a little help discovering what they do like to do.  I will have my clients practice some relaxation/meditation for a few weeks and then lead them through ‘dreaming while awake.’  Often times images or ideas will ‘appear' to them and I will have them find a representation of the image/idea in a picture form from a magazine or a representation of a feeling – like velvet for a peaceful/protected feeling and post these items on a ‘vision board.’  When clients are in touch with their ‘feeling’ state they begin to move toward creating those things in their jobs, in their homes, in their lives and pretty soon they will get a strong direction pointing them toward their ‘dream’occupation.

5. Is being a career coach your own career reinvention? If so, can you tell me a little bit about how you got there?        

My own reinvention?  Yes, taking the Martha Beck Life Coaching course was my reinvention at the mid-life stage of my life.  My kids had decided to go away to school, my husband and I were going through relationship difficulties and my focus was changing from outward to inward.  I still didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I have many skills, talents and interests. I began a music teaching business and that was and is going very well, but I needed ‘something’  more.  I have always been a ‘self-help book’ junkie and had read all of Martha’s books.  I saw her speak at a women’s event here in Calgary and then shortly after that found out she offered Life Coach training, I felt I had found my ‘calling.’  I felt I was being ‘lead’ to take the course.  I wasn’t really clear about what a Life Coach was or did, but I really wanted to find out.  Taking the course and becoming a Life Coach has helped me literally put my life (back) together.  My motivation for wanting to help other women came from the years I floundered around with angst about other people's expectations of me, questions, yearnings and ideas I had no idea what to do with and wishing I had someone who could help me.  That’s what a Life coach does.  She/he takes all of what’s already churning around inside and helps to sort through it to get to your core, the real you.

Anyone else have any questions??? Please ask.

I woke up yesterday with my neck in complete lock down.  This occurs 2 to 3 times a year.  There are various reasons this happens.  A combination of physical, emotional and circumstantial causes.  This time around the cause seemed not so much physical or circumstantial.  My usual explanation is that my neck has a hard job keeping my head on straight!

The pain was making it so doing or thinking of anything else was next to impossible.  I called my massage therapist and booked an emergency appointment.  I then found myself thinking that I didn’t ‘deserve’ a massage. In my judgment,  I haven’t been working hard, producing anything, contributing anything, putting myself ‘out’ in any way.  But, what about ‘needing’ a massage?  My essential self rolled her eyes and went back to sleep after she told me to wake her when me and the lizard were finished.  Basically, I was telling myself that I did not warrant this ‘treat.’   What the…?

Really?  Seriously?  What is the deal with ‘deserving?’  I still believe that if I am a good person, and I work hard, pay my taxes and do what’s expected of me, then good things will happen for me.  But, of course life has proven to me (over and over) that this is just not true.  And conversely, if I do ‘bad’ things, I ‘deserve’ to suffer.  I can think of dozens of people who do NOT pay their taxes, are not nice people, do not do what’s expected of them, and good things happen to them.  I’m sure bad things happen to them too, but for some reason I believe that good things shouldn’t happen for them.  I am also pretty sure that I have been granted grace in many situations that I could have suffered but didn’t.

Somehow I have obtained the power to control good and bad and I wear myself out trying to be one and avoid the other.  Do advertisers, religions, parents have me so programmed that I can’t get over this ‘law’ which is not a universal one?  The laws of the universe are completely non-judgmental.  If someone steps from a cliff, he will fall.  The law of gravity (which is a law of the universe) does not care if he was ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

I spent most of yesterday working through this belief and have (hopefully) come to realize that I can just decide what I want, like, need without a judgment of right, wrong, good, bad or deserving.  And, that things that happen to me are not ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but lessons about, say, the law of cause and effect (another universal law) to learn or even maybe a gift of some kind.  Like the gift of giving myself a break from striving, like I did yesterday.

What about you?  Any thoughts, beliefs about ‘deserving’ that you’d like to share?

I had two encounters, in an otherwise routine kind of week that have changed me for the better.
I engaged in a very pleasant conversation with a young lady who shared with me that she was going through a bit of a life crisis.  Well, this just happens to be something I know something about!?!  I gave her some of my coaching tips for ‘free.’  My only motivation was to impart information that would possibly help her to make sense of what she was going through and what to expect along the way.  She was amazed and grateful.  It was not until later that I realized how much I take what I know for granted.  The information I had for her, which I somehow assume everyone has access to, really was ‘news’ to her.  News she could use.
The second lady is an Italian grandma and a while ago, she dropped off some bread dough to the place where I work part time and she is a client.  It made the best bread I’d ever tasted.  I then called her to tell her that I would like the recipe or could I pay her to make dough for me.  She couldn’t give me the recipe because, of course, she doesn’t measure anything!  She called me this past weekend to say that she’d made dough, to come and get some.  I wasted no time going over to her house.  She sat me down and gave me heavenly espresso and fresh focaccia bread that had just departed her oven.  Mamma Mia!  I thoroughly enjoyed it all.  But more than anything, I enjoyed getting to know this Italian matriarch.  We talked like family.  I’ve decided she is my new aunt.  She is newly widowed and seems a bit lost and lonely right now.  She seemed to really appreciate my visit.  I believe I came away with more than I gave.  Giving my time to be with her was no kind of sacrifice.  In both cases I received more than I gave.

All this to say that I’ve discovered that what I ‘give’ naturally is important.  For whatever reason, and tell me where I’m wrong, we assume that because it comes naturally or easily that what we do, give, are, isn’t important.  We assume everyone can do what we do. Or, that it has to be work.  But this is simply not true.  If you don’t know what your strengths, your gifts are, ask your friends, those who work with you.  You may be surprised that they are not what you think they are.  And then, when they tell you, go forth and do that thing you do!  When you give that thing you do, it will feel good, guaranteed.

I am more inspired than ever to offer my telecourses!  It is now launched and ready for action!

Check out my main page for all the details! And sign up! Please.

'working on launching my classes.  Check back soon!

Martha Beck coaches pledge to be TAO

Now you’re thinking of Taoism, which is the “philosophical system evolved by Lao-tzu and Chuang-tzu, advocating a life of complete simplicity and naturalness and of noninterference with the course of natural events, in order to attain a happy existence in harmony with the Tao.  (dictionary.com)

But the TAO we claim is to be Totally Authentic and Open.

I decided at the end of spring that I would teach a tele-course in the fall.  I enthusiastically set about writing up the course, the outline and the class content.  I’ve never done a tele-course before (TAO time), but have been a student in many.  How hard can it be?  I’ve been leisurely composing the content as it comes to me.  And then I stopped.  Ideas ceased.  Enthusiasm evaporated.  I became occupied with other things – see previous blogs.

One of the ways I occupy my time (read: procrastinate) is by reading blogs, news, twitter posts on the internet. A couple of days ago one link led to another and I came across this one: http://liveyourlegend.net/the-17-habits-of-people-who-change-the-world-aka-the-live-your-legend-operating-manifesto/

The 17 Habits of People Who Change the World.  ‘Excellent reading, I thought.  What spoke to me were the parts about always pushing your limits, continually trying new things, being a beginner.  I realized right then and there that I have been letting my limiting beliefs stop me in my tracks concerning the tele-course.  I acknowledged the thoughts – very sneakily lurking in the way behind part of my thinking brain, like a lizard! – “You can’t do this, you’ve never done it before.”   “There are a lot of technical things to set up that you know nothing about.” “You have nothing to offer.” “No one will take your course.”  And then the happy conclusion; “Why bother? “

After that….nothing happened.  For a couple of days.  But, and this is a really good but, I woke up yesterday morning knowing exactly what to do.  I have been busily typing up my course as fast as my fingers will type.  It is effortless.  I may even have too much to say, too much to teach.  I now have enough for two tele-courses!

Do I think my tele-courses will ‘change the world?’  If they change me and they change you then the world is changed.  So, yes!