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What Great Task Have You Assigned Yourself?

31/8/2016

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What Great Task Have You Assigned Yourself?


I was listening to an Elizabeth Gilbert podcast where she was giving advice to a songwriter who was feeling stuck in her creativity. Liz asked the woman “What large thing have you assigned for yourself?” What an awesome, powerful question! These assignments can be very fulfilling and rewarding, but they can also be a burden that we unwittingly carry.

What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

It is a daunting question for a young mind. I found it a burden throughout my school years, because I could not name the ‘thing’ I wanted to be. I had no specific skill or talent to channel into one vocation. I had general interests and aptitudes for a variety of subjects. I didn’t know how to, what Elizabeth described as, turn doing—a verb into being—a noun. If we are creative enough to find a ‘thing’ to be, we then define what that role means/what it looks like. We develop these lists of characteristics to fit this identity and we very seldom question where that list comes from.

We are also given identities by our families or communities. My sister was ‘the smart one.’ She was also athletic, hard-working and beautiful. But, in our family, she was given the most attention and credit for being book smart. I was not prepared to compete by working as hard or harder than she in academics, so I concentrated my efforts to be seen as ‘the pretty one.’ I got attention and credit for taking care of my appearance and showing up looking ‘put together.’ I was also musical, creative, got good grades and I was athletic, but those things didn’t get as much notice.

The better questions are; When do you feel most like yourself? What makes you feel really happy inside? What makes you lose track of time when you're doing it? If you didn't 'have' to do anything, how would you spend your time? What would you create?

God, I Tried to Be Perfect

Eventually the great task I assigned myself was Wife and Mother. But, not just any wife and mother; a perfect wife and mother. How I defined what that meant was complicated and based on what I perceived the outside world defined as perfect mother – what TV., magazines, self-help books, parenting experts, the church, my parents and my peers called a perfect mother. I prayed daily that God would make me what my husband and children needed me to be. This identity, no surprise, eventually broke down. Thank God! After much heart ache, I realized that what my loved ones most needed was me to be myself. My authentic, not perfect self. This gave them permission to be their authentic selves and released them from the belief that there’s a perfect.

No One Can Give You Permission

The musician lady on the podcast was asked by Liz to be playful with her song writing instead of making it such a serious thing and to give herself permission to not write music at all, for a while if that felt like relief. The bottom line is that no one but you can give you the permission to do or not do or be or not be.

What about you? What great task have you acquired? Does it feel heavy or light? What about the role you were assigned in your family? Does it feel like your truth? Is this how you want to continue? Are there other parts of yourself that want to come out and play? Do you have better questions to ask?

I'm Still Excited About My New Big Red Circle Chair!

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Meditation; Everyones's Doing It

25/8/2016

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I am a good follower, like most people, and I practice meditation. I also use it in my coaching sessions because I’ve been told it is good for me and my clients. I don't know about you, but I do things even better when I understand why something is good for me. So, I took an online neurobiology course and read a book, “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself,” both by Dr. Joe Dispenza, which has helped me understand how thoughts and specifically meditation changes the brain.

Meditation Crushes Stress and Changes Our Brains and It Changes Our Genes

When living in survival mode, or chronic stress like most of us do, we can only focus on 3 things: our physical bodies (Am I o.k.?) the environment (Where is it safe?) and time (How long will this threat be present?). This focus makes us less spiritual, less aware, and less mindful—like having all of our resources tied up in weapons of defense and armies for attack instead of investing our energy into education, health, improving human conditions and creating possibilities. Living from this state makes us self-focused, selfish, and materialistic causing us to feel separate from the whole.

A state of constant, low grade stress literally damages our cognitive brain resulting in decreased memory, impaired motor function. It disrupts our immune responses resulting in more and longer illnesses. It disrupts sleep and can lead to overall depression of all systems.

Study by researchers at Benson-Henry Institute, in 2008, for Mind Body Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston; 20 volunteers received 8 weeks of training in various mind/body practices (e.g.; meditation, yoga, repetitive prayer) The researchers also followed 19 long-term daily practitioners of these techniques.

After the study period, the novices showed a change in 1,561 genes as well as reduced blood pressure and reduced heart and respiration rates, while the experienced practitioners expressed 2,209 new genes. Most of the genetic changes involved improving the body’s response to chronic psychological stress.

Just One Session Makes a Difference

A second study in 2013 found that eliciting the relaxation response produces changes in gene expression after just ONE session of meditation among both novices and experienced practitioners alike (with long-term practitioners deriving more benefit.) Genes that were activated included those involving immune function, energy metabolism and insulin secretion, while genes that were down suppressed included those linked to inflammation and stress.

Losing Your Mind is a Good Thing

Meditation literally takes us out of our minds—the thoughts we habitually think, the never ending loop that triggers all kinds of harmful chemical reactions in our bodies—and links us directly to the source of all of creation; Universal Consciousness, infinite potential, Life Force, God, whatever you want to call it. But ‘IT’ quite literally changes you inside and, over time, out. Once we are out of our minds, our bodies go to work doing what it does best, and it does it faster and more efficiently, it restores, renews, repairs all parts of us. Spending time connected to that zone is where we connect with creative solutions to all of our problems, micro (ourselves) to macro (the world).

This is just a sliver of information about what we do know about meditation. Meditation; Do it. It’s good for you!

 
 

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The Mid Life Adventure

18/8/2016

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Does Your Life Feel Like an Adventure?

My friend and I spend time, as all mothers do, discussing our children and we recently ruminated on how, at the stage in their lives when they are striking out on their own, life seems like an adventure and how, at this stage in our lives as empty nesters, life seems, well less of an adventure.


Is This All There Is?

In our 20’s we set about seizing the things we think will make us happy. It is usually around the age of 35 to 50 that most adults take stock of themselves and their lives. By now we have experienced in one form or another, to some degree, the conditions common to being human; acceptance/rejection, fear/courage, gain/loss, success/failure, etc. There is really nothing new ‘out there’ to experience, just more variations on the same themes. We have achieved some degree of security by this point, but still have the sense that security is not permanent. Here we also begin to ponder our mortality, we are now midway between our birth and our death. Which makes us consider the ultimate question, is this all there is? This pondering, I believe, is built into our individual evolution. It is a guaranteed query dropped in every one’s life at some point and even at many points.


How Do We Make Our Lives the Adventure It Used to Be?

There are many ways, tried and true and some yet to be invented, I’m sure, to go about making life feel like more of an adventure once we’ve been around a bit. I’ve whittled it down to the most general three:


1)  Make sudden shifts in your outside world.
  • Do things like get a big red sports car, have an affair or quit your job.
These are an attempt to shake things up and feel like we are not too old yet or that on some level we deserve a good time, damn it.
 

2)  Work hard to hang onto current lifestyle and modes of thinking and feeling, refusing to ponder the existential questions.
  • Doing this may require mood enhancements like gambling, shopping, alcohol, sex, drugs, etc. in ever increasing amounts to either feel like life is stimulating enough or in order to feel numb to gnawing discontent.
 

 3)  Go within.
  • Come to terms with who we really are, how we got here and what it is we really desire in our remaining future.
  • Shift our focus from the outside – accomplishing, acquiring and achieving (seeking outside validation) to the inside—emotions, thoughts, experiences.
  • Consider that life can be an adventure, even magical and that it's never too late.
 
A Life of Adventure Requires Courage

We will be expending energy doing any variation/combination of the above mentioned. The energy invested will have different payoffs. It takes courage to go within and admit who we really are and what we really want. It takes courage to acquire a new perspective. It takes courage to be our real selves.


Mid-life can be a crisis or a gift.

Mid-life, like your kids leaving home, sudden job loss, divorce or death of a loved one can be seen as opportunities for change and growth disguised as catalytic events. These events define us as either defeated or resilient. They can be a crisis of personal security or a gift of change.
Some people (not many) are capable of making large mindset and behavior changes all on their own. Most, however, myself included, require some kind of structure and definitely support.

Are you in it? I’d love to hear about it.

Need suggestions or support? coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

 
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My New Big Red Circle Chair

10/8/2016

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 Here is the latest addition to my Life Coaching Practice – my Big Red Circle Chair! I'm obsessed with circle chairs. I have TWO now!

My motivation for becoming a Life Coach was because of my painful and difficult experience sorting out what was right for me. At one point I was so lost, so confused, so up-side-down because I was listening to so much outside ‘advice’ and had lost access to my inner guidance and knowing. Many people over a long period of time helped me find my way back, but none more than Martha Beck Life Coaching. I now want to be a resource for anyone who feels that lostness/confusion/out of touchness and help shorten the journey back to self. 

Maybe things are great for you, that’s awesome, we can talk about how to make your life even better. Maybe there are a one or two areas of your life where you just need help untangling thoughts, feelings and emotions in order to get a clear direction. Maybe you, like me, are lost in a sea of good advice and are currently stuck. I would love to be of assistance. I invite you to come sit in my Big Red Circle Chair.


Subscribers to my blog - see over there to the right "Subscribe Below!" get access to occasional goodies and right now, for a limited time, a discount on a vist to my Big Red Circle Chair. (please allow technology time to deliver :)

Not in the geographical area of My Big Red Circle Chair? No problem we’ll do it virtually, by phone or Skype.
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    On my journey back to wholeness I have explored many modalities and can honestly say the What Now Life Coaching session was one of the most illuminating (yet non-invasive) interactions I've had.

    Jennifer used an interesting variety of tools to further guide me towards my "North Star" (soul's calling) and I walked away feeling grounded, comforted, validated and inspired.
    ​
    -Angela, Shaman.

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