Balance
The Dictionary defines it many ways.  I picked two definitions: 
1)  mental and emotional steadiness
2)  equipoise between contrasting, opposing, or interacting elements

Is it possible to be steady mentally and emotionally?  Can contrasting, opposing or interacting elements all be equal?

My answer is yes.  But, not always or at the same time.

It has been a particular challenge for me to ‘balance’ living with my visions, ideas and enthusiasm for the future and my day-to-day, sometimes very boring existence.  When I get inspired I have lots and lots of great feelings and energy to spare.  When I’m uninspired, my butt literally drags.  Then the whole ‘body in motion’ physics principal kicks in.  It seems when I get an idea it leads to another and pretty soon opportunities and inspiration is everywhere and it seems there is not enough time in the day.  Then there are the periods of time when the “Ground Hog Day” principal operates and everyday seems the same no matter what I do or try.  I exhaust myself when I try to ‘balance’ the crazy times with forced rest and when I twist myself in knots trying to bring on inspiration.

This, I believe is real balance;  It is being and playing around in one state followed by a season of the opposite.  Play, followed by work, followed by rest.  It’s represented by the symbol of infinity (a figure 8 on its side).  It is more often than not during a time of play that an inspiration starts in the center.  Then there is the work to push the idea up the curve that gets things going, changed, created.  At the top of the first circle opportunities open up and things just seem to flow and the ride down to the center is exhilarating and exciting and expanding.  Then back in the middle, or the bottom, it is time to rest, to recover to restore.  Recovery gets you back up to ‘normal’ on the other side.  Once you’re up again you feel settled enough to relax and play while you slide back to the center where another inspiration awaits. And so on, like infinity.

I am learning how to ride the sideways figure 8.  It is futile to push and work when it is time to rest.  It takes practice to let ideas come instead of doing strange and wonderful rituals thinking I can make them happen.  Life comes the way it comes.  I have some influence, some control, now some understanding of how to ride the cycle, maybe.  Balance?  Not so much.

Do you believe what you do matters?  Do you believe you matter?

This is an ‘essential self’ question.  What you really believe about this affects how you are in the world and how you treat yourself.

In order to discover if and or that you ‘matter,’ there are 3 requirements.

Someone or something that tells you “You Matter!”   A Fire Starter.

The part of you that accepts the flame, gets excited, is lit up. The Flint.   This is a part of you that wakes up.  It’s always been there.  It may have been silenced or put to sleep.

The burning that continues after this awakening, this sparking, is The Fuel.  This is when the belief is grasped and begins to become part of your DNA affecting your operation in the world.

Who or What is YOUR Firestarter?  If you have, had or are one you know what that feels like.  When was the last time you were ignited or an igniter?

What about your Flint?  Does it need to be excavated in order to be turned on or lit up?

If you are clicking along tickety boo living your life with passion and purpose because you believe what you do and who you are matters, Awesome!  If not, when was the last time, if ever you felt ‘that’ way?  Has your supply run dry?

Looking for a Firestarter?

Can't find your Flint?

Need sustaining fuel?

Call Me

A few years ago I saw myself as an avenging warrior.  I pictured myself with powerful wings and a heavy sword, sporting some serious boots.  My amazingly talented daughter sketched a portrait of me entitled “Warrior Princess” when I described my vision to her.  I felt, at that time that I was in a battle with life, or maybe it was death.  There were major issues going on in my life and I was warring very hard to conquer what was threatening the way I believed things should be.

Then, I got really tired.  Then I quit.  I laid down my heavy sword, set my boots aside, wrapped myself in my wings and rested.  Slowly, the issues in my life miraculously, it seemed, resolved without my brute strength help.  Shift happened, big time.

I know I’ve mentioned it before, but I am really jazzed with what happens when I Rest and Play.  These are the major Weapons of Mass Creation.  It used to work when I picked a goal and worked really hard to make it happen.  When I fought my way through hurdles and persevered through pain.  I tried valiantly to continue that way, finding it too hard to believe that doing nothing or having fun were actually options for problem solving or having a happy life.  Blessedly my strength failed me.  I began to spend time being quiet.  I learned to meditate instead of pray incessantly.  I am learning to play instead of turning everything into work, into a project, into a situation to conquer. 

How are Rest and Play Weapons of Creation?   When you rest, when you turn off logic and words, you can feel what’s going on around you and in your body.  Your body has a lot of information and when you learn it’s language it can help you tremendously.  In rest, the right side of the brain has a chance to search for connections that can lead to solutions, to new ways of doing things.  When you play you become completely present. You are not thinking about the past, you are not worrying about the future, you are fully absorbed in the moment.  Time literally stops.  Again, in play your brain is free to make associations and connections.  You are free from fear.  Fear always creates dark results.  The more time you can spend in rest and play, the freer, the more creative, the more you you will become.  For me this has not been easy.  It has most certainly been a process.  Results are not instant – yet.  It is taking awhile to calm my warrior habits.  I don’t always succeed, but I practice every day.

My new vision of a real warrior is now one with quiet wisdom and a deep peace born of suffering, but not sorrowful.  The real warrior is one with strong, long roots that draw strength up from far below.  One who stands firm, is kind, is yielding but doesn’t break.  Steadfast and resilient.  Beautiful, not pretty.  Creative, knowing.  A Warrior Queen. (with a twinkle in her eyes and dancing shoes under her gown.)

God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.  This was a motto I believed for as many years as I remember having memory.  So, any time I was in difficult situations, feeling overwhelmed  or at a loss I would think:  I ‘should’ be able to handle this because God obviously thinks I can or this wouldn’t be happening.  If there’s any fault, weakness or mistake going on it most certainly must be with me.  And Lord knows, making mistakes, appearing weak or having faults should be avoided at all costs.

Crap! It is all crap!  True freedom happens when and only when I realize that I can’t know what I don’t know.  Every experience is ‘good.’  Every instance is for learning and discovering.  When I go along thinking  ‘oh, I’ve done this before, I can ‘handle’ it,’ I am immediately shutting off anything that might be new or interesting.  By not handling it the way I have a million times before I may find a different way of doing it.  A better way of doing it.  A profound way of doing it.  Also trying to apply past experience to a new situation shuts down the possibility of creativity, inspiration and learning.

In so many situations I had never been in before I acted as if I knew what I was doing but was terrified the whole time of making a mistake, of looking foolish, of being found out that I didn’t know what I was doing.  Fake it til you make it.  More and more I am able to be o.k. with not knowing.  To admit that I don’t know.  To not step in and handle it immediately.

Miraculous things are beginning to happen, I believe, because I am open to experiencing something new.  I’m willing to tap into the not knowing, so things I don’t know can surface.  Ya know?   My previous modem of operation was to decide the desired outcome, pick a goal,  then figure out the steps to get there.  And then work real, real hard to make it happen.  Now, I get a feeling, a notion, an actual ‘inspiration’ and I think, ‘I wonder what this will lead to?’   Inspiration has room in my life, now that the plans have been laid aside.

God absolutely gives me things I can’t handle so I can grow, learn, experience and be alive! 

How are you handling things?