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Free Life Coach Class

21/11/2014

Join Certified Life Coach Jennifer Washington,

live and in person

@ Ironside Fitness Silversprings
114, 8060 Silversprings Blvd NW
Calgary, AB.
http://www.ironsidefitness.com/

Saturday, December 13th @ 11:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

A Free Class that will help you manage, maybe even ENJOY your Holiday Season!

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Another Client Story

20/11/2014

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Quite often my clients inspire my stories here. I share them when I feel they are universally relate-able and in the hopes that it will help and or inspire you, my gorgeous, intelligent reader. The following is such a story;

‘My client’ was sharing with one of her very good friends, over lunch how her husband blah, blah, blah…insert plain old complaining. Nothing horrible, vile or incomprehensible. Just everyday whining and complaining about all of the things her husband was not. Eventually, ‘my client’ began to hear herself and what she understood was that she was wishing that her husband would behave more like her.

O.k. I confess. When I say ‘my client,’ I mean me!

As I tuned into this awareness, yet another voice (what?! You don’t hear voices?) chimed in with “but, what about all that he does, that you don’t do?” Then, the voice proceeded to give me a laundry list of items – laundry being one of the items! – that my husband does do.

My points in sharing this story are:

1) Maybe you can relate? When we are criticizing someone or something, there is always the side of the ‘other’ guy that we aren’t considering.

2) Others (your husband, child, friend, mother) are NOT supposed to be like you. You are good at what you do, and they are good at what they do, that's how we all have our special place! (see: Strengths & Weaknesses)

3) Talking to others is a great way to get feedback, either from the other person, or your own inner self, if you can be aware of what it is you’re really saying.

4) It always feels better to be generous, especially in spirit, than it is to criticize. Giving the ‘other’ guy the benefit of the doubt, or his due credit is also better for your emotional, mental and even physical health.

To demonstrate to ‘the voice’ that she understood the point, 'my client' filled the car with gas and washed it.

I would be thrilled if you would let me know if you can relate to this, or if you have any questions or comments. I love to hear from you.

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When To Stop Acting Normal

6/11/2014

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It’s been 5 years since my children left home. At the time they both moved away, I had what I thought was a rather large display of emotions. I went to my room and cried for an hour. Then I got up, washed my face, got dressed and proceeded to try to get on with normal life. I had no idea that it would take me 5 years to do that.

Casually dropped into recent conversations one woman told me she is struggling to do her bookkeeping, since her husband died 2 years ago. Another tells me she left a long-term abusive partner, her family and her country, but she is doing well now, working at a minimum wage job. Another lady told me she too recently left an abusive relationship and is currently homeless, but things are working out. And more tell of their childhood abandonment, divorces, infidelity, a frightening diagnosis etc. with the ‘but I’m fine’ disclaimer on the end. I see their pain, like I see their eye colour. I wanted to put my arms around each of them and tell them,” it’s ok, you can stop acting ‘normal.’”

If you have recently overcome a big life change, are currently experiencing a big life change or you have had several big life changes that you never had time to properly adjust to, here are some ideas/suggestions that I have found helpful.

1)      Acknowledge that your identity has changed. I was no longer a mom with kids at home. That lady I met is no longer someone’s wife. When the way you identify yourself gets changed, your normal has been permanently altered.

2)      Stop behaving ‘normally.’ I wish someone would have given me permission to do this. Instead of expecting yourself to behave like you always have, stop and take stock of what is absolutely necessary for you to do. Pay the bills and your rent/mortgage – keep a roof over your head and buy groceries regularly – keep yourself alive. Sleep. Everything else is optional. If you have not grieved your loss properly, everything that is not surviving is added pressure and weight upon you. There will be time to add back ‘options,’ just not right now.

3)      Process the change and what it means to you. Talk- Hire someone to listen to you, phone all of your friends and family. Write - I used a journal to write many, many pages as my way to process my emotions.   Cry, scream, dance, run - do whatever it takes to get it all out.

4)      Mark the experience: We used to have rituals and rites of passages for life events. Through my writing I realized I needed and wanted something to mark this experience. I held a ceremony for myself one day, not that long ago. I did some research and gathered some items that were meaningful and significant to me. I used the items to honor my mother and grandmothers and my experiences as a mother. I then honored the grief I felt about this chapter of my journey ending. I then sent out intentions and prayers for the new, next stage of my life. This helped me tremendously.

The definition of ‘normal’ is: conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural. Are you conforming to someone else’s idea of what you should be doing, how you should be behaving? Maybe it’s time to make your own definition of normal.

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Free Life Coach Class

Another Client Story

When To Stop Acting Normal

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