I launched my website one year ago, New Year’s Day, 2011.  My first blog was about my commitment to my new creation in the form of a Manifesto.

So How did I do?

Recap:  Jenn’s 2011 Manifesto.

I am committed to putting myself out in the world.  I will be a consistent, on-line presence to help people find their own place in the world.  I am committed to spending more time creating and less time being routine and habitual.  I am committed to tuning in to my very personal, true north star by spending time every day honing in on it!  I am committed to being all I can be (without being in the army) because that is what is best for me and everyone in the world.  I am committed to helping people be all that they can be, because that is what is best for them and everyone in the world.

I will be blogging encouraging, enlightening things (hopefully?!) on a regular basis.  I will be setting up a “Coming of Age” ceremony service. I will be offering classes.  I am available for Life Coaching.

In my estimation, mission accomplished!  I loved writing my experiences and discoveries in my regular blog even though it was frightening to “put myself out there.”  I taught an on-line class, which was such a thrill I am going to do it again! (Watch for it in February!).  I honored my commitment to myself by doing yoga, meditation, prayer and creating.  It has revolutionized my inner life and is making a strong influence on my outer circumstances.  I was honored to have coached the clients who contacted me. 

So what about 2012?

It is my intention to let go of the things, even people, that keep me from my purpose in the world.  I commit to being in tune with my body not only for physical health information, but also for spiritual and emotional information.  I commit to being available.  I commit to making space for the unknown, the untried, the unexpected, the Spirit that creates.  I commit to living my questions rather than to finding ‘the’ answers. 

In the year 2012, I want to feel vitally alive and on purpose.  I intend to feel ecstatically pleased with all that I experience and all that I create.  I want to be overwhelmed with gratitude for all the wonderful people who cross my path and share my journey.

Part II:  A Word about Resolutions

Before you hastily toss aside 2011 and charge forward with your resolve for the New Year, I encourage you to do your own review.  Be sure to credit yourself for all that you accomplished, all you did right, all the things that worked and are working.

Making resolutions about weight and fitness, which seem to be good things, I believe actually cover up – mask what we really should be working on.  And that is your real purpose in the world.  When you are in your ‘zone’ doing what really lights you up, you will naturally lose weight and be more active.  I highly recommend making a list of experiences you’d like to have, people you’d like to spend time with, how you want to feel about yourself and about your world.  Awareness of these kinds of things will begin to move you in the direction that will help you become more you and make 2012 a great year.

Thank you so much for visiting me here.  I sincerely appreciate your interest, your support.  Please send me your comments and questions, I’d love to hear from you.

I wish you a Super Fantastic Happy New Year!

I am truly enjoying the season.  I have prepared and organized a myriad of events and of course decorating, gift shopping, wrapping and the regular day to day necessary requirements in a reasonably calm and relaxed manner.  More so than I have at any other time in my life.  I am happy to see some evidence that the daily inner work really does pay off.  Also making things easier is my lowered expectations.  I am looking forward to just being with my family.  There is nothing that has to be ‘perfect.’ There are no major plans of any kind or obligations to fulfill.  We will just go with the flow and do/go as needed.

We are all urged to remember those less fortunate at this time of year, to donate time and money to charities.  I want to add my own reminder at this time as well.  It is easy to forget that there are people close to us who have suffered loss over this past year, or even the past several years.  If you are related to or friends with anyone who has lost someone to death, or divorce remember that the holidays are a very painful time for them.  Even if it has been several years, the person they are missing still takes up space during these times.  A simple acknowledgement from you can go a long way to giving them comfort.  Offer to listen to their memories or even to share their pain.  Don’t expect them to smile and get over it! The gift of awareness and presence can never be overdone.

If you are the one that is feeling the loss, be sure to nurture yourself.  Take time to acknowledge your sadness, anger, fear.  Talk to someone.  Write in a journal.  Just get it out.  The more you try to stuff down/deny your pain, the more wear and tear on you.  You don’t want to be so overwhelmed by your grief/anger/fear that you miss the goodness that is around you.  Once you’ve purged, put the sadness aside for a while and allow yourself to enjoy what’s going on at the moment.

I wish you much peace and joy.  I sincerely hope that this is a happy time for all of you and that you are blessed in many ways this Christmas season.

T’is the season for all kinds of holiday advice.  So here’s mine.

1)  Get in touch with your expectations.
What are you assuming about the visit with the family, the gifts, the dinner, your supposed ‘time off?’  We are not aware of how often we get exactly what we expect because we never question it.  If last Christmas wasn’t what you’d hope it would be, what can you do about this year?  Plan some things to make your time fun.  What does that look like?
If you are the host, are you setting yourself up for disappointment by thinking that everything will be flawless?  Set your sights on how you can make things easy and yourself happy and maybe not on perfect.  When the host is happy, it’s more enjoyable for everyone.

2)   What do you want?  What do you really, really want? 
I’m not talking about gifts.  I’m talking about feeling, atmosphere, experience.  What do you want your holiday season to be like?  How do you want to feel sitting amongst all of your relatives and friends?  If you are less than thrilled by the thought of this, what can you do about it?  If you know crazy, chain-smoking aunt Jane is going to insist on smoking in your house, how can you provide a nice space for her outside with a chair and an ashtray?  If you can only handle the 25 people in your gramma’s 10 foot square apartment for 10 minutes, then excuse yourself after 10 minutes and go for a drive.  Say you’ll be right back, and come back for another 10 minutes.  Anticipate the situations and then creatively set yourself up to navigate them.

3)      Be Appreciative.  Be helpful.
I remember in my early adulthood going home for Christmas and waiting for my mom to get home from work to make dinner!  I just assumed she was so thrilled to have me home that she would want to make me something special.  I bet she would have been even more thrilled to see me if I had 
made dinner for her when she got home!?
If you are a guest, or even a grown child returning home for a short time or a longer stay, you and everyone you are staying with will enjoy you  more if you act less like a guest.  A sincere thank you greatly enhances holiday cheer.

4)       Pick your battles.  The expectations and the intensity of the gatherings can certainly cause old hurts and slights to surface.  If this is the time you decide it’s time to have it out with cousin Harold because he teases your 9 year old, then maybe do it away from the whole family.  Decide before hand what your end goal is.  Do you want to be done with Harold forever or do you just want him to understand your feelings?   You can also decide that whatever is bothering you can wait for a time when it isn’t Christmas, but promise yourself to do something about it before next Christmas.

It helps to remember that your happiness is your responsibility, no one else’s.  Christmas, although it can be a magical time of year, won’t magically make you happy.   A bunch of heartache and misery can be avoided by looking at the way things are instead of the way things should be.  When you can objectively look at the pitfalls you can avoid them and maybe even creatively fill them in.  Enjoy!

I remember the first time I realized that having a fight with someone didn’t mean the relationship would end.

That may sound ‘like duh!’ to you, but to me it was a huge revelation.  I really believed that if I told people what I really thought, they would break up with me.  I really believed that if people really knew me, they wouldn’t like me.  I really believed that if you actually verbally fought with someone, that meant it was the end of the relationship.

I had spent my whole life (the first 20 years) trying really hard to not inconvenience anyone.  I some how  adopted the idea to always put others’ needs ahead of my own.  I had it figured that if I was nice all of the time, there would be no reason to not like me.  Because having someone not like you was sure to cause death.

The very first time I actually lost my temper enough to voice my contrary opinion was to my steady boyfriend (who’s now my husband).  Up until that point, I had never outwardly disagreed with him.  Of course we had argued but I had always come to see his side of things, or to not press any of my points.  I can’t actually remember now what got me so angry, but I was angry enough to accept that this was the end of our relationship.  If this was the way he was going to be, well then I was out.  (Maybe the first time ever I took my own side.)  I left in a huff, certain I would never see him again.  I was beyond shocked when he called the next day and he apologized.  It was the absolute last thing I expected.  I think I tried to talk him out of it, to make him see that because we disagreed that meant we couldn’t be together.  After he finished laughing, he very patiently explained to me that we could in fact take opposite sides of issues and still get along with one another.  It was such a big deal for me.  Dawning crashed down and changed forever how I saw the world of relationships.  I wept.

Since then I have learned that the fear of being ostracized is wired into our brains for survival.  In the caveman days, if you were cast out of the group, you were literally wolf food, it absolutely meant you were facing death.  That wiring kicks in for all of us at any hint of disapproval, so that explains why we (some of us anyway) are addicts for approval, we actually feel we will die if we are not liked.  I have also learned that now that we are relatively free from wolves, bears, lions, etc. here in our concrete jungles that when we actually have the courage to totally represent our true selves that we experience more acceptance, more approval.  The more I am comfortable with who I am, the more I can be comfortable with who you are and the more approval grows! 

My husband and I have been happily disagreeing ever since. A lot of people don’t like me and I’m ok with that, I just hang with the one or two that do.