Did you catch that? MY intentions. Once again I find myself physically, mentally, emotionally tired because I’ve worn myself out trying to conger my dreams. Only to realize that my dreams were totally founded on what I thought I should want and those thoughts and shoulds were totally based in fear.
Because I was so stubbornly focused on what my dreams should look like and on the fact that they are nowhere in sight – not even on the distant horizon, I concluded that the Universe was punishing me by not delivering what I was demanding.
The Universe is not ignoring me. It wasn’t even getting my calls! My emails were never delivered. There is no receiver for the signals I was sending. Now that I see (again!) the error of my ways, I am recommitted to learning and practicing the language of the Universe/Divine/God. The ancient connection is waking up and messages are once again flowing, being both sent and received.
I’ve let go of the grand picture of my destination, which I thought was necessary. I now listen first. I wait for small, gentle, often very quiet urges, knowings and wonderings that I’m beginning to recognize as crumbs on the trail that is my path. Along this very faint trail are tiny surprises and delights that keep me entranced, curious enough to get up each day and pick up the trail. This is tough going for me. I love to have a pretty, shining goal/accomplishment to run hard at until I triumphantly claim it (pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, anyone?) This watching, waiting and moving in fits and starts is honing my patience, which is NOT one of my ‘goals!’ I don’t have a clear picture of where I’m going. I can’t see very far ahead on my path. Some days the path is clearer than others. Some days I lose the trail altogether. But, like I said, there have been delights—winks and nods—from the Universe each and every day. I’m being trained (the Universe is so clever!) to be present in each moment, so that I don’t miss my daily surprise. I sometimes don’t recognize it until after the fact, but, hey.
Some moments, hours and even days are terrifying. The ever present fear voice(s) get quite loud and I easily slip back into thinking, acting, believing in my habitual manner. It ‘feels' secure because it’s what I’m used to. I use the tools and practices I preach to you over and over. They really, really work! As in, they give me valuable insight and information and true connection to guidance from God/Universe/Love. Those tiny crumbs I mentioned. And, I lean heavily on ‘my people.’ The ones who’ve experienced this and are rocking it, and the ones who are in it too! (LOVE you guys!!) Eventually my new thoughts, actions and beliefs will ‘feel’ normal and safe.
Maybe you too are experiencing the dying of a fear-based wish, dream or vision and are also searching for the crumbs on a trail you didn’t know you signed up for? Trust that the Universe is communicating with you. Its language is peace. Its voice can only be heard in resting, in observing and in alignment with love. And sometimes, indeed, most times it will not give you the full picture because it wants to delight you daily, along the way.
Release the objects of your desire. They are a dime-store representation of the masterpieces you actually deserve!
P.S. Our fear-based desires are clues! I'll explain. Stay tuned.