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I Am Enough

15/7/2014

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This picture was part of an assignment for an on-line Brene Brown course I participated in last year.  The course, based on her book "The Gifts of Imperfection" had a class that addressed a very common struggle for us humans and that is feeling like we are enough.  The assignment instructed us to write on our hands, "I'm imperfect" and "I'm Enough," take a photo and paste it in our workbooks as a reminder. 

This feeling of 'Enough-ness," is an ongoing struggle for me.  It’s difficult to break up with my life-long habit of doing and being things I think I should.  I still get caught up in feeling inadequate glimpsing other peoples’ fun lives on Facebook or reading the work of other bloggers who are living perfect lives.  I totally start to believe that they went to bed being one way and woke up the next day fully fabulous and successful because they decided. Therefore, what am I doing wrong?

Every now and again the fabulous ‘they’ will let out some hint that they struggled, they worked and they made the changes over time – that it didn’t just happen overnight and it wasn’t easy. And, they still doubt themselves, occasionally.   It helps me to know that and to remember that.  It helps because I am habitually hard on myself.  My expectations of myself are more than they would be for anyone else I know and love. 

I am learning that I can be o.k. doing nothing. It is a struggle, for sure, I don’t just sit and meditate or rest with ease, there is first denial – I’m totally o.k. and nothing is bothering me – followed by discomfort and frustration.  I am learning to allow; allow emotions, feelings and repressed memories to come up.  I am learning that when I do that, they move through and I feel better.  I’ve learned that I’ve been lying to myself about my emotions, feelings and memories.  I believed that because I was aware of them and I chose to not ‘dwell’ on them and I chose better feelings, thoughts and emotions that they didn’t affect me or I had risen above them.  I have learned that they were all still there.  They were all just waiting patiently for their turn to be seen, felt and remembered, while I kept myself busy doing stuff.  This is my hard work.  Who knew allowing was so difficult?  I have learned that the pain of unaddressed feelings is brief- it is sometimes sharp – but it is brief, like any transition, or moment of transformation, it is intense but the shortest part of any process.  I am still learning that choosing not to dwell and choosing better feelings and thoughts is the work that comes AFTER the ‘allowing to move through’ part. I am also learning that just when I think I've made some progress and I 'get' it now, a helpful event comes along to trigger the long-held belief, just so I can practice being enough.

I am learning that I am enough whether I spend my days in my pajamas accomplishing nothing or I create a strategy that saves the world.  I am enough whether I do what I should or what I shouldn’t.   I am enough whether I succeed or fail.  I am enough no matter what others expect of me. Whether I get invited to the party or not.  I am enough despite what I expect of me.  My inner ‘stuff’ comes up when I write this.  Years and years of messages I believed about what I should be.  That’s o.k.  I am still and I am enough.


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    On my journey back to wholeness I have explored many modalities and can honestly say the What Now Life Coaching session was one of the most illuminating (yet non-invasive) interactions I've had.

    Jennifer used an interesting variety of tools to further guide me towards my "North Star" (soul's calling) and I walked away feeling grounded, comforted, validated and inspired.
    ​
    -Angela, Shaman.

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