My Painful Messy Middle Continued
My Painful Messy Middle Continued....
See part one
Pain Wrangling
The first hours were a struggle to catch up to the pain, which went from 0 to +10 within 15 minutes of leaving my tongue biopsy surgery. I was given two pain medication prescriptions. After trying the first one and waiting 4 hours with no change in the pain, I tried the 2nd prescription. An edge came off the pain, taking it to an solid 9. Then I was nauseous. The pain never went below 8. With deep body/mind self-coaching and meditation, I slept. I took more of the prescription. Felt sicker, pain constant at 8. I kept myself distracted with TV and movies. 27 hours post-surgery, I rallied myself to meet with some people – plans made before my surgery. In pain and nauseous, I lay on their porch swing while the conversation went on without me. I determined to take no more of that prescription. I vomited when I got home. I resorted to over-the-counter pain relief that was in my cupboard. The pain went to a 6, with no more nausea.
After three days, the swelling was still pronounced and the pain a constant burning or pinching. Eating was impossible and liquids through a straw pulled on my stitches. Do you realize how many times you swallow, in a minute?!
Expectations, Everyone Has Them
I wrote that email to my surgeon and got a prompt phone call to come in. All is ‘normal.’ There’s no infection and was told that everyone’s pain experience is different and I was not outside of expectations. Well, I guess I better adjust my expectations. Another prescription for another pain killer. What the heck, I thought. Desperation is not a great place from which to make decisions. I took the dosage of that prescription and slept 4 hours in a coma-like state on my couch. Woke up with same tongue pain at 7-8 and feeling nauseous again.
Finally, Advice That Helps
I walked to my local health food store to get the products recommended by my personal coach and everything related to holistic healing – my daughter, Ali. The walk cleared my head and made me wonder why I didn’t do this when she first told me 2 days ago. Shame and self-recrimination ensue. Also present were anger, resentment and helplessness. I’m so used to these feelings. They were like companions on my walk home. I was glad for the company.
Lo and behold the topical product I purchased, instantly numbed the pain sight reducing it to a 3, but not for long. The second product gave pain relief and swelling reduction with no nausea. I functioned in my home for several hours before bed. I slept. The pain still woke me, but I returned to sleep after applying the topical ointment and ingesting the natural pain relief.
Hunger or Pain?
There’s a battle between my hunger and my mouth pain. My hunger rages whenever the pain intensity dips. In order to ingest a small serving of something blended or juiced, I need to take the over-the-counter pain-relief to endure the pain that occurs afterward. Moving – yoga, walking light house work – feels therapeutic. One moment at a time. Attentively attending to my mind running ahead with the story of a pain-filled, food enjoyment free future or the ever-popular anger, frustration, poor me and coulda-shoulda-woulda thoughts, keeps me busy when I sit.
Hope and Gratitude
I have pain-free moments on Day 4! I even make myself some soup and consume a whole cup before the pain resumes and makes it not worth it. This gives me hope and enables me to clearly visualize my tongue returning to normal size and function.
I am grateful I can sleep almost through the night. I am grateful for so much kindness and generous, loving support from my friends and family. I am grateful there are resources available to relieve my pain. I am grateful for the level of mental fitness that I have developed that this experience has called upon. I am grateful my body knows what to do and I’m learning to understand its communication. Writing helps me process my experience immensely. Thank you for listening.
Pain Wrangling
The first hours were a struggle to catch up to the pain, which went from 0 to +10 within 15 minutes of leaving my tongue biopsy surgery. I was given two pain medication prescriptions. After trying the first one and waiting 4 hours with no change in the pain, I tried the 2nd prescription. An edge came off the pain, taking it to an solid 9. Then I was nauseous. The pain never went below 8. With deep body/mind self-coaching and meditation, I slept. I took more of the prescription. Felt sicker, pain constant at 8. I kept myself distracted with TV and movies. 27 hours post-surgery, I rallied myself to meet with some people – plans made before my surgery. In pain and nauseous, I lay on their porch swing while the conversation went on without me. I determined to take no more of that prescription. I vomited when I got home. I resorted to over-the-counter pain relief that was in my cupboard. The pain went to a 6, with no more nausea.
After three days, the swelling was still pronounced and the pain a constant burning or pinching. Eating was impossible and liquids through a straw pulled on my stitches. Do you realize how many times you swallow, in a minute?!
Expectations, Everyone Has Them
I wrote that email to my surgeon and got a prompt phone call to come in. All is ‘normal.’ There’s no infection and was told that everyone’s pain experience is different and I was not outside of expectations. Well, I guess I better adjust my expectations. Another prescription for another pain killer. What the heck, I thought. Desperation is not a great place from which to make decisions. I took the dosage of that prescription and slept 4 hours in a coma-like state on my couch. Woke up with same tongue pain at 7-8 and feeling nauseous again.
Finally, Advice That Helps
I walked to my local health food store to get the products recommended by my personal coach and everything related to holistic healing – my daughter, Ali. The walk cleared my head and made me wonder why I didn’t do this when she first told me 2 days ago. Shame and self-recrimination ensue. Also present were anger, resentment and helplessness. I’m so used to these feelings. They were like companions on my walk home. I was glad for the company.
Lo and behold the topical product I purchased, instantly numbed the pain sight reducing it to a 3, but not for long. The second product gave pain relief and swelling reduction with no nausea. I functioned in my home for several hours before bed. I slept. The pain still woke me, but I returned to sleep after applying the topical ointment and ingesting the natural pain relief.
Hunger or Pain?
There’s a battle between my hunger and my mouth pain. My hunger rages whenever the pain intensity dips. In order to ingest a small serving of something blended or juiced, I need to take the over-the-counter pain-relief to endure the pain that occurs afterward. Moving – yoga, walking light house work – feels therapeutic. One moment at a time. Attentively attending to my mind running ahead with the story of a pain-filled, food enjoyment free future or the ever-popular anger, frustration, poor me and coulda-shoulda-woulda thoughts, keeps me busy when I sit.
Hope and Gratitude
I have pain-free moments on Day 4! I even make myself some soup and consume a whole cup before the pain resumes and makes it not worth it. This gives me hope and enables me to clearly visualize my tongue returning to normal size and function.
I am grateful I can sleep almost through the night. I am grateful for so much kindness and generous, loving support from my friends and family. I am grateful there are resources available to relieve my pain. I am grateful for the level of mental fitness that I have developed that this experience has called upon. I am grateful my body knows what to do and I’m learning to understand its communication. Writing helps me process my experience immensely. Thank you for listening.
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