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If They Say

13/2/2019

If “They” say;

Nobody will like the real you
Money is scarce/
you have to work hard for it
Life is hard
Change one/some/all things about yourself to be liked/loved
Success isn’t in your cards
Don’t risk anything
Never forgive
You’re not smart/talented/worthy enough
You’re not creative
Dreams don’t come true

Please recognize;
‘They’ have fear.
‘They’ contract, protect, cover
in an attempt to be/stay safe
(or sell you something!)

If “They” say;

You’re ‘flaws’ make you you
There’s more than enough
You’ve got this
Just do it
There’s always a way
How can I help?
I’m here for you
Your desires are there for a reason
How does it feel?
You can let go
You won’t break
You have choices

Please recognize;
‘They’’ have Love.
‘They’ expand, inquire and create
In order to experience and grow

Which 'They" are You?

coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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A Series of Shattered Illusions

30/1/2019

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Are you struggling right now? Are there things going on in your life that are hard to deal with? Are you feeling like it’s just one damn thing after another? Congratulations you are on an ‘awakening’ journey!

If you’re anything like me, the word awakening gives me visions of a magical, spiritual experience where suddenly truth is before me, the world makes sense and I am now wise. In reality, ‘awakening’ is more of a shit-show! It is unpredictable, messy and hard. Think childbirth! In my coaching, we call it transition—just like in childbirth—the difficult birthing phase between being pregnant (the baby is not out) and being a parent (the baby is out). Transition/awakening is the most intense part.

What is Really Going on When We Are in Pain and Suffering?
So, back to what it is you’re struggling with. The biggest, most painful aspects of life as we know it are when our reality shifts. A big shift in reality shatters our illusions.

Whether we are aware of it or not, we are constantly imagining or forecasting into the future, based on what we think we have right now. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s just that when anything in our current situation changes, we must understand that part of our shock and pain is that our ‘hoped’ for future(s) crumble or shatter. I remember distinctly this happening to me. I stood in the centre of my living room and witnessed reality make a big intrusion into my illusion. It felt exactly like a window shattering and behind it, I could finally see everything as it truly was, not how I had been imagining it, wishing and working so frickin’ hard for it to be.

When a marriage falls apart, for example, not only do our ideals about what a marriage is ‘supposed to be,’ shatter, but so does our current and future ‘reality.’ A reality we may or may not be aware that we built and were counting on.

What We Are Left With
After an episode of awakening, (good news/bad news; there are many on your awakening path) we must re-orient ourselves. It takes time. Once again, like childbirth, once that baby is real, we are no longer who we used to be, and we can’t go back. We are faced with making adjustments in ourselves and our environment. Once the shock and grief subside, we are left with really, only one thing; the choice of how to go forward. We must ask ourselves, who do we want to be? Our choice in the face of a new reality is to contract, withdraw or even lash out in anger and fear. OR, we can re-imagine by entertaining several new future-scapes based on the new, happening now information and who we choose to be.

Once awakening has been integrated, you will see that here and awake is so much better than where you were before—asleep, playing a role and putting so much energy into an illusion. Now you are more of who you are meant to be with opportunity to live freer and well, more alive. You’ve done it before. You can and will do it again.

Are you struggling with a new reality? Need Help reimagining?

coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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Is Punishing Yourself Working?

16/1/2019

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When I say ‘punish’ do you conjure up images of lashing yourself with a whip or sending yourself to stand in a corner until you fully realize the error of your ways and feel bad enough to not do it again? ‘not what I’m talking about.

What I mean by ‘punish’ is, how often you mentally berate yourself. You ate a piece of cake and your mental chatter kicks in with, ‘you should NOT have eaten that! You are on a diet, remember? You’re always cheating!’ Or, you’re gratefully tucked up into your bed and begin to go over all the things you ‘didn’t’ do that you were ‘supposed’ to do and all the things you did that you weren’t ‘supposed’ to do and now you’re awake well past your ideal sleeping time and you beat yourself up about that too.

How’s That Working for You?

The Sad/Bad News
I’ve talked about being ‘set’ to the negative before – our minds scanning for threats, so it’s ‘human nature’ that we scan our behaviours and do the same. We are also ‘programmed’ to criticize because of the inundation of ‘how to be perfect’ social construct we exist in. The more we concentrate on the negative and continually re-enforce it with our negative thought patterns, the less likely we will have any kind of success in changing our behaviours. That’s the sad/bad news.

The Good News
The antidote to all that negative thought looping, and in turn, no changed behaviour, is small rewards! Yes! Prizes, pats on the back, gold stars, you name it! We are no different than our pets. When ‘training’ any animal, reward is hands-down more effective than punishment.

The Small Rewards Test
I decided to test the ‘small rewards’ theory on my cats. I wanted to vacuum groom them. It seemed unlikely that I would succeed because the cats hated the sound of the vacuum and would disappear whenever it came out. I began with great patience, having no deadline. First, I brought out the vacuum brush and placed a treat beside it. They just got the treat. The next time I brought out the treats and the brush, I brushed them. They got 2 treats. Next, I brought out the treats, the brush and the vacuum. I would start the vacuum and they’d disappear. The next time, I got out the vacuum, they got a treat. I attached the brush and brushed them, they got a treat. I turned on the vacuum and put out a treat, they’d flee. Eventually, they would stick around for that treat. Once I got to the stage where they would stay while the vacuum was on, I got to brush them a few times, before they would exit. It finally happened they came out when the vacuum did because the vacuum grooming itself was the treat!

Reward What You Want
Reward the behaviour/actions you want to cultivate. Stop punishing the behaviour you don’t want - because in a weird way, you are re-enforcing the ‘negative’ behaviour because you’re giving it attention.

Start very, very small – like the vacuum and the cats. Put out your running shoes. Give yourself a high five. The next day, put out your shoes and your exercise clothes. Woot! Hug yourself. The next day put those clothes on! Two high fives. The next day, put on the shoes, the clothes and walk around the block. Gold star on the fridge! And so on. You get the idea. Be creative. Have fun.

When you tuck yourself in at night, run down the list of all the love/help/good you performed/gave in the day. Hug yourself and say I love you. Sleep well.

#stoppunishingyourself
#rewardsworkbetter

Tell me how you plan to reward yourself

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Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

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What's Your Foundation?

10/1/2019

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What’s Your Foundation?

Here we are in 2019. Is it what you expected? Did you have a vision set for how things would be once you got to here? Have you got a vision for yourself for this year?

How the Bad is Good
Whether you are experiencing what you want or not, right here, right now, the fact is that we really do get to create what we want. IF we happen to be experiencing ‘shitty’ things, the ‘trouble’ we may be encountering, is called contrast—experiencing what you DON”T want—which, #goodnewsbelieveitornot, means that you have great information! You likely want the OPPOSITE of what you are experiencing. So, start doing that.

All the Same Building Blocks
I know I sound glib, but this is our work; To look for the clues to what will make us happy in the life that’s all around us. You see, if you start to look at what is all around you as building blocks of creation, then you can start to arrange them the way that is most pleasing to you. We all have the same blocks to build with; Our bodies, our relationships, our vocations/pastimes and the experiences we, well, experience, are building blocks to arrange as we please.

If you’re still reading, then you might be curious and even experiencing hope that what I’m saying can be true for you. Step number one is to believe, yes, it is possible to arrange things the way YOU want. You are not victim to any one or any circumstance even if, right now, it seems that you are.

Only Two Foundations
We are always creating/arranging our building blocks. The foundation of all of our creation is very simple. Our foundation is either love or fear.

The Fear Foundation is made up of things like; not enough (lack/scarcity), control, manipulation, contraction, holding in/holding on, grasping/needing, ingratitude.
The Foundation of Love is made up of things like; curiosity, openness, more-than-enough (abundance), collaboration, community, sharing, giving/generosity, gratitude.

On what foundation will you arrange your building blocks this year?

#checkyourfoundation #goodnewsbelieveitornot

Let me help you

coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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Holiday Stress Much?

4/12/2018

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If the upcoming holiday season has you feeling anything less than enthusiastic, I’m here to help.

Expectation Check
This is a stressful time of year and it is fraught with expectations (can you say, ‘possibly unrealistic?’) and pressures. The expectation that everyone and everything be jolly puts even more strain on any condition we are already experiencing.

Loss: If we’ve suffered any kind of loss, the grief is intensified.
Loneliness: If we experience feelings of loneliness, we feel even more alone now.
Not Where You Want to Be: If our situations are less than ideal, the expectations arising this time of year, make us feel even lesser than.

Emotional Check
If you are experiencing any of the following in relation to the upcoming Holiday Season:
Anxiety/worry
Dread
Overall low energy
Sickness – colds, flus, muscle aches
Insomnia
Panic Attacks
I have so much compassion for you! 'been there, done all of that. You could use some support.

What You Really Need
Sure, read the Self-Help/DYI stuff. There are thousands of self-help hints appearing everywhere, (here’s a ‘gooder’ I wrote previously - Happy Holiday Pre-Plan).

But, having a safe place to vent and someone to provide actual, helpful feedback and suggestions for effective shifts that apply to your unique situation, is most helpful.

Instead of crossing your fingers, hoping this time things will be different, (when you know with absolute certainty it won’t!) or white knuckling through, filled with resentment and left empty, tired and/or sad, I have helpful ways that can shift, firstly you, and possibly whole situations.

Allow the season to be different for you. In order for something to be different, only one thing needs to change. That something can be you.

Give Yourself the Gift of Support.

#holidaystressless
#callyourcoach
#willcoachwithsantaheadbandon

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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Your Answer is Upside Down and Backwards

8/11/2018

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Many of us have set out in life with a picture of what we DON’T want, only to discover, over time, that we have, in fact, produced exactly what we didn’t want. Can you relate? How does this happen?

My Certifier, teacher and mentor, Dr. Martha Beck taught me we perceive our world as an upside down negative. Remember those old, early cameras where the photographer would bend over, put his head under a cloth and stare through the lens of his box camera? He would see his subject upside down. The undeveloped template would show the subject backwards, as well, the right would be on the left and the left on the right.

We Are Seeing the Undeveloped Negative

What we really want, what we desire, often presents this way—upside down. What we really want may show up as a big problem. The solutions are the undeveloped negative— backwards—appearing as as an ending point instead of the beginning.

The Formula for Developing the Negative

1) Describe/Identify the Negative
This is the problem. This is what I DON’T want.
Example: I’m overweight, I’m low on money and I have no friends.

2) Describe the Right-Side Up
This is what I DO want
Example: I feel good in my body, I am financially secure, and I have love and support

3) Put the End at the Beginning and Apply Problem-Solving Efforts to the Solution, NOT the Problem!
Instead of attacking the problem—overweight, low income, no friends, we apply our efforts to the solution—feel good, secure, loved and supported.
The problem-solving then becomes focused on the positive; how do we go about becoming someone who feels good in our body, has enough money and is loved and supported?

Why You Have Produced What You Don’t Want

Unfortunately, many of us have set out in life with a picture of what we DON’T want and end up getting exactly that. This is because our minds are awesome (!), we’ve fed our mind the negative picture (the problem), so that is what it processed.

Our Minds are Processors

Our minds process the information it is given. Our minds do not generate the information.
If we feed our minds the positive picture (what we DO want), it will process that. You will notice that when focused on the ‘positive’ picture, the mind will find creative, up-lifting solutions easily and probably fast and furiously!

Your mind will search for things to support what you focus on. It searches for the information, either already stored, or outside, in the environment, that will give you the picture you have pre-determined. Once our mind is processing, the body, emotions and spirit line up in response.

Master Mind Processors

Just a few examples:
Dr. Joe Dispenza—rebuilt his broken spine with the power of his mind —no surgery!
Roger Bannister ran the first 4-minute mile. He practiced visualizing the time clock at 4 minutes before he raced.
The Placebo Effect—Peoples’ diseases go away when they believe a medication will cure them.

Do you want to discover your true desire? Turn your problem upside down and backwards.

‘need some help figuring out your problem?

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

#theanswerisintheproblem #feedyourmindthepositive #upsidedownandbackwards

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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When You've Been Made the Villain

31/10/2018

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Sometimes You’re the Villain

In everyday life, no one believes themselves to be an intentionally bad person. We are all the victim and the hero in our own stories. In order to be the hero in a story, someone has to be the villain. We can sometimes find ourselves cast as the ‘villain’ in someone else’s’ story. This is a tough pill to swallow. We will feel wronged.

In any relationship, when our feelings are hurt—we are emotionally wounded—we will respond in either of two ways. Defend or attack. We defend ourselves by putting up walls/cutting off or retreating. Or, we attack, attempting to wound in return.

If we are wanting to be evolved humans, if we are wanting relationships in our lives to be different, to last, to expand and grow, then neither of these responses help, because we are acting from a place of pain and fear.

So, what are we to do if we feel that we have been wrongly cast as the villain in someone’s story?

Steps to Addressing Your Villain Role

Acknowledge the Hurt You Feel
Feel the pain of it. Allow all the thoughts and emotions to arise and name them. Yes, even the immature, petty, not-very-evolved-thoughts and feelings. It is difficult enough having painful emotions and thoughts, but we have a tendency to add judgement and criticism on top of them; as in; I shouldn’t feel this way/I-shouldn’t have these thoughts. We can't move forward holding on to wounds. Do not act (attack mode) on these thoughts and emotions, just allow them.

Seek Understanding
Ask yourself; Have I ever acted toward someone the way this person is acting toward me? Have I ever vilified someone? Have I ever judged someone? Gossiped about them? Have I ever dismissed someone-made them ‘less than?’ Have I de-personalized/de-humanized someone? You see where I’m going?

Mine the Situation for Truth
Does what ‘they’ believe about me have any validity? If yes, then you can apologize, make restitution and show up better once you are out of pain and fear. If there is no truth to their aspersions, then don’t allow their view of you to diminish how you show up in the world. (Defense mode.)

The beginning of freeing yourself from the villain role starts with letting go of the wound and with humanizing the ‘other. ‘They’ are not so unlike me. There is a reason they see you the way they see you, because the victim needs a villain in order to become the hero.

And just something to think about…Whom have you cast as the villain in your story? Can you be a hero in your life without having a villain?

#i'mthevillain #victimtohero

Stuck in Defense or Attack?

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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Do You Ask the Universe?

24/10/2018

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Scanning through the various social media feeds I am bombarded with most days, I stopped to peruse one article about asking the Universe for a sign. (I understand Universe to mean God, Higher Power, Consciousness, etc..) If they can't see it, I will lead my clients through a life/timeline review that very quickly helps us to identify the synchronicity and guidance present in their lives. I’ve had many experiences with synchronicities, dreams and uncanny guidance, but it had been a while since I had recognized a sign or wonder, so I decided to ‘play.’

Playing with the Universe
I followed the offered instructions;
I asked a specific question; I am signed up for some specific things in the coming weeks, so I asked, “Am I on the right track?”
I asked for a specific sign, in my case, I asked to see a feather (that’s the first thing that popped into my head!).
I then said aloud, three times, “I would like to see a feather, please.”

I then went on with my life, forgetting about this for several days. While prepping for sleep, I remembered my little experiment and felt a tad sad and disappointed. How hard can a feather be to find, I walk outside, in nature every day? And, I also thought, obviously, I must be off track.

The next day while exiting a Home Depot store, I looked down and directly before me lay a rather exotic looking feather. I was definitely NOT out in nature and it wasn’t a common type of bird feather I am familiar with. I said, ‘thank you!’ and felt warm and special.

Extra Winks and Nods
It seems that the Universe enjoys being playful, because each day since, I find feathers and I also found a dime! (dimes, for me, are a sign that loved ones who’ve passed are near). My belief that the Universe loves to play, interact and be asked to help has been bolstered.

How about you? Do you recall the last time you experienced direct interaction with your guidance? Can you trust that you are not alone? Can you ask for assistance and believe you will be answered?

#ask #universalguidance

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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You're Not Sucking as Much as You Think

17/10/2018

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I am goal oriented and forward focused. It is easy for me to get caught up in always chasing the next thing and I admit, I exhaust myself. And, fun fact, there’s always something to chase, change and improve!

Filed and Forgotten
Our brains are wired to always look for danger or possible obstacles ahead. It also scans past every obstacle we have already overcome or threat we have averted, no longer registering them. We are forever gazing at the horizon for the next thing.

But, when it comes to building a life we desire, it is important to keep track, remember, note and celebrate all that has already been accomplished because when we file it under ‘been there, done that,’ we forget how successful we really are.

Review How You are NOT Sucking
I have a nightly writing practice of noting what I did right each day, what I accomplished. I allow myself to feel good about myself for at least a few minutes. This is how I counter my natural tendency to focus on all I could do, should do, my shortcomings and it stops me from stewing in my self-doubt and insecurity – which, I know from vast experience - is a habit that is very difficult to overcome!

Especially You Who are in the Midst of Transition/Transformation, you are more than likely feeling you’ve failed/are failing, you’re making mistakes, not doing enough or not doing it right. I encourage you to look at all that you are doing right, all the progress you’ve already made – the hard decisions, steps, work you’ve already been through – how you have weathered storms before and not only survived but came out better, stronger, more you. Trust that you will look back on this current struggle and see how it served you. (How is This Bad Thing a Good Thing?)

You're Not Sucking If:
You are alive.
You are fulfilling any obligation, commitment or promise (even just one!) to yourself.
You are fulfilling any obligation, commitment or promise (even just one!) to anyone else.

If you are doing the above and anything beyond the above, your are crushing it!

Reviewing and acknowledging your willingness to just keep going as well as noting your many past successes is the encouragement and motivation fuel to continue becoming, achieving and enjoying this one fantastic (really!) existence. I urge you to review. I guarantee you are not sucking!

#highfiveyourself #iamnotsucking #imshowingup

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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For You Who are in Transition/Transformation; A Message

10/10/2018

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What’s Happened
You left, quit, vacated, re-located, shifted because it became impossible to stay, to stay the same.
Congratulations. Your future (the next moment) is blank, open, and scary.
This is your ‘temporary normal.’

OR
Something has happened. It has knocked you out of your ‘regular, predictable life.’ You are now on a journey that you may or may not have chosen.
Buckle up.

OR
You are moving toward somewhere you’ve never been. It’s like a magnet. It is not like you to go without at least some sort of plan, but you know you ‘have to’ go. Great!
Keep making small, doable steps. Quit and start again, as many times as needed.

What You Know for Sure
Transition/transformation is happening.
You’re not who you were.
You can’t go back - you’ve tried - because even an awful ‘familiar’ feels better than the terrifying ‘unknown.’
You’ve been changed.
You no longer fit anywhere.
You’re no longer who you were, you’re not yet who you’re going to be (Liminal Spaces).

What to Do
Rest, take care, be gentle, kind.
Do not tolerate anyone or anything that is not gentle, kind and caring.

It seems ‘the baby has been thrown out with the bathwater.’ And it has. Things, ways, a you that used to work, no longer work. However, one day, when you’re not expecting it, you will see a possibility for yourself. You’ll feel a spark of hope. Ideas and possibilities will appear; they’ve been there all along, but you now notice them. You will begin to re-fill the bath water and put your perfect baby back in it. You will choose only what is right for you. This is how you will know you are healing, know you are moving toward your new, real self and place in the world. Let it happen. It will come by its own accord.

Until then;
Rest. Take care. Be gentle. Be kind.

I have tools I can share for the journey. I’m here if you need me.

Email: coachjenniferwashington@gmail.com

Jennifer Washington
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach

What Now Life Coaching

www.whatnowlifecoaching.com

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