I’m not doing enough. I must be missing something. I’m so selfish. I’m fat and disgusting. My neck hurts and my lower back is locked. No one cares what I have to say. I might as well just quit.
Believe it or not, these thoughts occur to me daily. You’d think as a Life Coach I would be above these kinds of thoughts. I beat myself up with that thought too. Truth time. I still try to out-think my feelings. I strive to be above being human and feeling human emotions. I have deeply grooved thought patterns in my brain and they don’t seem to be in a hurry to change.
I have suffered depression off and on over the years and it is precisely because of ceaseless thoughts like these and a belief that I need to be perfect. I am extremely grateful for Life Coaching tools and I attest that they work, for realz. I have come a long way in my ability to observe, catch and change my thoughts, which has tremendously helped my ability to function and feel good. A very basic yet most essential tool is feeling feelings all the way to the end. In coach training I was taught to ask ‘how does this thought make me feel?’ I often gloss over that step. I have not yet mastered how to feel my feelings. I fail to provide for myself what I think is the key thing I provide for my clients and that is a safe space to process and de-code feelings.
Emotional navigation was not something that was taught in my childhood home. Our family motto was ‘take that outside, no one wants to hear it.’ I started early to process everything through my thoughts. In any given situation I am thinking about an appropriate feeling. It doesn’t happen naturally. I am so good at resisting feeling that I ‘transcended’ the labour part of the birth of my daughters. I literally blocked their deliveries and needed artificial intervention.
In a tele-class that I’m currently co-hosting with my daughter, we are practicing a daily mind/body connection meditation. Is it any surprise that behind all my aches and pains are blocked emotions? My first instinct is to shut those down! But, slowly and patiently I am coaching myself through their expression and a pretty cool thing is starting to happen. On the other side of the painful emotion/feeling is relief and intermittent bursts of joy and happiness. Who knew! I am finding that it takes more than once to process the emotion – bummer. But, like I said, I am offering myself what I offer my clients, patience, acceptance, and loving kindness. Rushing through to get ‘over it’ has proven to be a recipe for depression. Say it with me now; you can’t suppress the ‘bad’ emotions without also suppressing the ‘good.’
Feelings and emotions are valuable human experiences. They are gifts that offer information. I am the Queen of Denial when it comes to feeling ‘negative’ emotions. Any kind of pain triggers my survival instinct and I immediately numb it with food or run from it to nap. The ‘darkness’ is where all transformation happens. If I short-circuit the feeling process, I block the outcome. Labouring, even suffering, is part of the delivery process. It is WORK, that’s why it’s called Labour! It doesn’t have to take long-90 seconds, maximum, for most feelings. During the process, I remind myself that what’s on the other side is worth it.
My painful thoughts are not my enemy. They too contain valuable information. When I pay attention to them, I find it is my inner, real-self needing attention, reassurance. She wants to feel safe. She wants to feel loved.
Spring is all about cleaning out the old and preparing for fresh and new. This spring I am making space for my suppressed emotions to come forth and blossom into the path for the brighter and lighter me.
What will you make space for this spring?
Believe it or not, these thoughts occur to me daily. You’d think as a Life Coach I would be above these kinds of thoughts. I beat myself up with that thought too. Truth time. I still try to out-think my feelings. I strive to be above being human and feeling human emotions. I have deeply grooved thought patterns in my brain and they don’t seem to be in a hurry to change.
I have suffered depression off and on over the years and it is precisely because of ceaseless thoughts like these and a belief that I need to be perfect. I am extremely grateful for Life Coaching tools and I attest that they work, for realz. I have come a long way in my ability to observe, catch and change my thoughts, which has tremendously helped my ability to function and feel good. A very basic yet most essential tool is feeling feelings all the way to the end. In coach training I was taught to ask ‘how does this thought make me feel?’ I often gloss over that step. I have not yet mastered how to feel my feelings. I fail to provide for myself what I think is the key thing I provide for my clients and that is a safe space to process and de-code feelings.
Emotional navigation was not something that was taught in my childhood home. Our family motto was ‘take that outside, no one wants to hear it.’ I started early to process everything through my thoughts. In any given situation I am thinking about an appropriate feeling. It doesn’t happen naturally. I am so good at resisting feeling that I ‘transcended’ the labour part of the birth of my daughters. I literally blocked their deliveries and needed artificial intervention.
In a tele-class that I’m currently co-hosting with my daughter, we are practicing a daily mind/body connection meditation. Is it any surprise that behind all my aches and pains are blocked emotions? My first instinct is to shut those down! But, slowly and patiently I am coaching myself through their expression and a pretty cool thing is starting to happen. On the other side of the painful emotion/feeling is relief and intermittent bursts of joy and happiness. Who knew! I am finding that it takes more than once to process the emotion – bummer. But, like I said, I am offering myself what I offer my clients, patience, acceptance, and loving kindness. Rushing through to get ‘over it’ has proven to be a recipe for depression. Say it with me now; you can’t suppress the ‘bad’ emotions without also suppressing the ‘good.’
Feelings and emotions are valuable human experiences. They are gifts that offer information. I am the Queen of Denial when it comes to feeling ‘negative’ emotions. Any kind of pain triggers my survival instinct and I immediately numb it with food or run from it to nap. The ‘darkness’ is where all transformation happens. If I short-circuit the feeling process, I block the outcome. Labouring, even suffering, is part of the delivery process. It is WORK, that’s why it’s called Labour! It doesn’t have to take long-90 seconds, maximum, for most feelings. During the process, I remind myself that what’s on the other side is worth it.
My painful thoughts are not my enemy. They too contain valuable information. When I pay attention to them, I find it is my inner, real-self needing attention, reassurance. She wants to feel safe. She wants to feel loved.
Spring is all about cleaning out the old and preparing for fresh and new. This spring I am making space for my suppressed emotions to come forth and blossom into the path for the brighter and lighter me.
What will you make space for this spring?
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