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Springtime Feelings

8/4/2014

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I’m not doing enough.  I must be missing something.  I’m so selfish.  I’m fat and disgusting.  My neck hurts and my lower back is locked.  No one cares what I have to say.  I might as well just quit.

Believe it or not, these thoughts occur to me daily.  You’d think as a Life Coach I would be above these kinds of thoughts.  I beat myself up with that thought too.  Truth time.  I still try to out-think my feelings.  I strive to be above being human and feeling human emotions.  I have deeply grooved thought patterns in my brain and they don’t seem to be in a hurry to change.

I have suffered depression off and on over the years and it is precisely because of ceaseless thoughts like these and a belief that I need to be perfect.   I am extremely grateful for Life Coaching tools and I attest that they work, for realz.  I have come a long way in my ability to observe, catch and change my thoughts, which has tremendously helped my ability to function and feel good. A very basic yet most essential tool is feeling feelings all the way to the end.  In coach training I was taught to ask ‘how does this thought make me feel?’ I often gloss over that step.  I have not yet mastered how to feel my feelings.  I fail to provide for myself what I think is the key thing I provide for my clients and that is a safe space to process and de-code feelings. 

Emotional navigation was not something that was taught in my childhood home.  Our family motto was ‘take that outside, no one wants to hear it.’  I started early to process everything through my thoughts.  In any given situation I am thinking about an appropriate feeling.  It doesn’t happen naturally.  I am so good at resisting feeling that I ‘transcended’ the labour part of the birth of my daughters.  I literally blocked their deliveries and needed artificial intervention.

In a tele-class that I’m currently co-hosting with my daughter, we are practicing a daily mind/body connection meditation.  Is it any surprise that behind all my aches and pains are blocked emotions?   My first instinct is to shut those down!  But, slowly and patiently I am coaching myself through their expression and a pretty cool thing is starting to happen.  On the other side of the painful emotion/feeling is relief and intermittent bursts of joy and happiness.  Who knew!  I am finding that it takes more than once to process the emotion – bummer.  But, like I said, I am offering myself what I offer my clients, patience, acceptance, and loving kindness.  Rushing through to get ‘over it’ has proven to be a recipe for depression.  Say it with me now; you can’t suppress the ‘bad’ emotions without also suppressing the ‘good.’

Feelings and emotions are valuable human experiences.  They are gifts that offer information. I am the Queen of Denial when it comes to feeling ‘negative’ emotions.   Any kind of pain triggers my survival instinct and I immediately numb it with food or run from it to nap.  The ‘darkness’ is where all transformation happens.  If I short-circuit the feeling process, I block the outcome.   Labouring, even suffering, is part of the delivery process.  It is WORK, that’s why it’s called Labour!  It doesn’t have to take long-90 seconds, maximum, for most feelings.  During the process, I remind myself that what’s on the other side is worth it. 

My painful thoughts are not my enemy.  They too contain valuable information.  When I pay attention to them, I find it is my inner, real-self needing attention, reassurance.  She wants to feel safe.  She wants to feel loved. 

Spring is all about cleaning out the old and preparing for fresh and new.  This spring I am making space for my suppressed emotions to come forth and blossom into the path for the brighter and lighter me.

What will you make space for this spring?

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    On my journey back to wholeness I have explored many modalities and can honestly say the What Now Life Coaching session was one of the most illuminating (yet non-invasive) interactions I've had.

    Jennifer used an interesting variety of tools to further guide me towards my "North Star" (soul's calling) and I walked away feeling grounded, comforted, validated and inspired.
    ​
    -Angela, Shaman.

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