I’ve had a confirming diagnosis – I knew something wasn’t right, but I needed ‘permission’ from an outside source to acknowledge it. Why, why, why? I do not know; this is how I operate.
I have imagined this memo being sent to me by my adrenal glands;
To whom it may concern: You are hereby notified that the Adrenal Productivity Station is on shut down status. After years of taxing over production and use, the majority of adrenal workers are out on stress leave. The few remaining workers are working in shifts to maintain minimum operations. The energy factory now has limited hours of operation. Production will start later in the day and shut down earlier in the evening until such time that workers recover and return to the factory. All new energy projects have been put on hold. Existing projects are being maintained or cut back until further notice.
It is very difficult for me to reduce activity, productivity and creativity. I am in the habit of always having something on the go, in the works or pending. Now I just do not have the resources to operate that way. Luckily, I am aware that what is going on with me is what Martha Beck Coaching calls Square One – Meltdown Stage. This is a life stage where things just can’t and don’t work the way they used to. This is a time of melting down so a metamorphosis process can happen. I was a caterpillar slugging along my merry path, inch by inch, ‘making’ things happen. I am now in a cocoon becoming caterpillar sludge. This is an apt description of how I’m actually feeling! The situation is teaching me to slow down, allow life to happen, instead of forcing it to happen. I am learning that there is a way of doing without doing, going with the flow, that works much better than what I have been practicing, but I still need to learn the process, I am being forced to stop and learn. At the end of this, assuming I don’t mess with the stages of growth, I may become a butterfly!