I see many people who are stuck in their own mind-sets. They are literally paralyzed—unable to make any move—because they think through any options or suggestion in their minds and come to a conclusion without ever having tried a single, different thing or setting foot out of their doors. I have been this person. We don’t have the conversations that our relationships need, we don’t stop doing the things that are making us unhappy and un-well and we don’t ask for the assistance we need all because we ‘think’ we know how it’s all going to turn out, (too much drama, effort, change!) so why bother. We’ve talked ourselves out of a chance at something different.
Opportunities and Options May be Unrecognizable
We created the lives we're presently living by doing what we know how to do, and by being the people we know how to be. We’re so busy focusing on what we think we know that we can't see any new, unrecognizable opportunities or options all around us. The ancient Greeks did not have a word for the colour blue, so they could not see it. Just like those Greeks, the colour blue—our better self, our happier life—might be all around us, but we can’t see it. Our focus is really on the past, our old ways of doing things.
In order to create lives we want, instead of having life happen to us, we must first be able to describe it. It’s a proven human trait, that if we don’t have language (words, pictures, descriptive devices) for something, we can’t create it.
We Want A Guarantee
The thing that holds us all back is fear. Most of all, we are afraid to fail. We equate failure with pain and shame. The fact is that failure is also how we learn. How many times did the Wright brothers crash? The hardest and usually the lessons that bring change and growth are the ones that force us to let go of what we’re holding onto and follow our true path.
Steps to Creating a New Reality
Look for Bread Crumbs
You have most likely been dropping hints for yourself about what you desire most, you just don’t see them for what they are.
Look at the people you envy. Is it because you want what they have? Look at your recurring patterns in relationships. What exactly is not working/causing you problems? What you want is the opposite of that? Imagine the opposite of your problems. That’s what you want.
Pick a Pebble Any Pebble
Pursue something, anything that you have a curiosity about, gives you a feeling of opening or expansion. Even if, ESPECIALLY IF it isn’t logical, or won’t make money, or your peers/parents think it’s dumb or it scares you a little. Release the need to know why you are interested. You cannot KNOW where it will lead. Pick up the next pebble after that, and the next. You are on your trail to getting your desired life.
Think Different Thoughts
This takes PRACTICE! Awareness of what we are thinking is a skill. The ability to catch thoughts that aren’t working for you and turn them around is a vital part to getting you to where you want to go.
I find writing out my stream of consciousness not only helpful but quite surprising! When I see what I’m thinking put in front of me I can often untangle myself and find ways to move forward.
Release Attachment to Current Identity
In order to create a different reality, you will have to let go of who you think you are. Again, looking to those you admire or even those who irritate you can show you some behaviours to adopt. Ask yourself; if I was (name of person or imaginary superhero) how would I act? What would I say? How would I take care of myself?
Ask for Help
Having a sounding board, someone who is there to listen just to you, without attachment or judgement, a Compassionate Witness, can be the best jump start you can give yourself. Having someone to help you brainstorm, strategize and then support and encourage you as you try being a new you, are invaluable.
Gratitude for what you have, where you are, what you’ve overcome is an instant energy changer. Nothing can lift you out of a funk or give you inspiration and hope faster and more powerfully than thankfulness. Write it out. Write it all out. Say it out loud.
For added oomph, give thanks for who you are going to be and the life you’re going to have.
The people you admire got where you want to be by risking, by believing, by leaping, by trying, failing and trying again. After much crashing, we now have aviation!
You don't need to have all the answers, in fact, the point of your journey is for you to search for the answers, discover new things and grow.
Your past and present knowledge of your current reality needs to be abandoned so that something that doesn't exist yet, in your life (but probably does somewhere!) can be created. It is NOT too late. Ever. Start now. One thing. Do One thing.
We always have a choice in how we perceive our circumstances. Are we victims of our circumstances or do we take responsibility for our choices and actions and create our circumstances?
Choose. Create. I see you. The colour blue is all around you.