Who Are You When You're Not Serving?
I’m finding it quite a challenge to jump off and stay off the self-improvement train. I’ve had some success but it is very difficult not to get sucked back into it. Everyone on the internet and in the media has ‘10 simple steps to make yourself great’ or ‘awesome life hack’ that will make you happier.
My mission for the last while has been to be vigilant about what messages I’m believing and what I’m allowing to define me. I’ve been making a concerted effort to tune into my own wisdom and guidance system to determine what I like, what works for me and what ultimately makes me happy. It is not easy. I default regularly to doing what ‘they’ say. I worry constantly that I’m doing it wrong. Well, how can I get ‘me’ wrong and who the %*&# gets to decide what’s right for me? (Yup, that’s the real me, just there.)
How is this NOT selfish? Let me answer that by asking a question; “Who are you when you’re not helping people? When you’re not busy fixing and doing for others? Seriously! Think about this for a moment.
If you are brave enough to face this question, at first you might feel uncomfortable and even afraid. We are so defined by what our roles are and what society says we are. It feels comfortable and manageable—we know the rules and how we’re supposed to show up—so we believe this is who we are. But, it’s not the total, real you.
When I am not filling a role so that people like me, to make others happy or to improve myself, I’m discovering that I am reclusive, serious, introspective. I like to walk, I like to read, I like to spend hours in mediation, but not for a purpose or an outcome. I like to write and play my instruments and sing out loud. I like to dance in my living room. My interests and pursuits are random, I don’t begin one thing and finish it before starting another. I love quiet—no t.v., radio, etc. I feel all of my emotions at the same time and they are intense. I sleep. A lot. I’m open to all of this changing, anytime. I practice saying no as often as I can. I say yes to only what lights me up somewhere inside myself. If it doesn’t taste awesome and look amazing, I don’t eat it. I spend time with my thoughts. I tell myself, “you’re enough, you’re beautiful and I love you.”
Guess what? Some of my actions (or inactions) make others uncomfortable. Some of my responses inconvenience or upset others. Some situations and relationships have gone away. But, new situations and relationships are appearing. The real me is coming into the daylight and is more easily accepted than I feared. And here’s the thing; the more I discover what makes me, me, the more of my real self I have to give to others.
So, who are you when you’re not fulfilling a role and or serving others? How comfortable or uncomfortable does that make you feel? I’d love to hear it. Confidentiality guaranteed, of course.
My mission for the last while has been to be vigilant about what messages I’m believing and what I’m allowing to define me. I’ve been making a concerted effort to tune into my own wisdom and guidance system to determine what I like, what works for me and what ultimately makes me happy. It is not easy. I default regularly to doing what ‘they’ say. I worry constantly that I’m doing it wrong. Well, how can I get ‘me’ wrong and who the %*&# gets to decide what’s right for me? (Yup, that’s the real me, just there.)
How is this NOT selfish? Let me answer that by asking a question; “Who are you when you’re not helping people? When you’re not busy fixing and doing for others? Seriously! Think about this for a moment.
If you are brave enough to face this question, at first you might feel uncomfortable and even afraid. We are so defined by what our roles are and what society says we are. It feels comfortable and manageable—we know the rules and how we’re supposed to show up—so we believe this is who we are. But, it’s not the total, real you.
When I am not filling a role so that people like me, to make others happy or to improve myself, I’m discovering that I am reclusive, serious, introspective. I like to walk, I like to read, I like to spend hours in mediation, but not for a purpose or an outcome. I like to write and play my instruments and sing out loud. I like to dance in my living room. My interests and pursuits are random, I don’t begin one thing and finish it before starting another. I love quiet—no t.v., radio, etc. I feel all of my emotions at the same time and they are intense. I sleep. A lot. I’m open to all of this changing, anytime. I practice saying no as often as I can. I say yes to only what lights me up somewhere inside myself. If it doesn’t taste awesome and look amazing, I don’t eat it. I spend time with my thoughts. I tell myself, “you’re enough, you’re beautiful and I love you.”
Guess what? Some of my actions (or inactions) make others uncomfortable. Some of my responses inconvenience or upset others. Some situations and relationships have gone away. But, new situations and relationships are appearing. The real me is coming into the daylight and is more easily accepted than I feared. And here’s the thing; the more I discover what makes me, me, the more of my real self I have to give to others.
So, who are you when you’re not fulfilling a role and or serving others? How comfortable or uncomfortable does that make you feel? I’d love to hear it. Confidentiality guaranteed, of course.
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