issue of “O Magazine,”) calls FOMO. Fear of Missing Out. It was also mentioned
by my fellow coaches in our on-line community where it’s identified as ‘measuring your inside to other peoples’ outside.’ I call it "Shoulditis" and I suffer from it regularly.
Let me explain. I feel like I’m not doing enough. I should be fitter, more creative, busier, happier, something-er.
Martha Beck and my fellow band of coaches point to social media. Facebook, Twitter, etc. because that is where everyone is posting their most fabulous moments. I do this too! We mistakenly knit all that fabulousness together and start to believe that everyone ‘out there’ is living a
dream life and I am, just ‘normal.’ As in boring, fraught with mundane, everyday tasks and lacking copious amounts of energy. Why aren’t I doing something important, saving something, creating something, collaborating with famous people? Like I said, I hear myself telling…well…myself that I should be fitter, healthier, more organized and happier.
Thanks to these timely postings by my tribe-mates, I have been able to:
1) catch myself telling myself. 2) Look at this reasonably, and 3) begin to change my ‘shoulds.’
Step 1 Catching my thoughts.
When I tune into my body, I find my shoulders are hunched, my jaw is clenched, my tummy is churning. This is my ‘clue’ that I’m telling myself something ‘bad.’ I roam around in my pile ‘o
thoughts tank and find the ‘baddest’ thought. “You should be….”fill in the blank. Sometimes just bringing awareness to the thought is enough to bring my shoulders, and blood pressure, down. I can breathe all the way in and all the way out. (Funny how 'shoulds' live in my "should"ers...?)
Step 2 Look at this reasonably.
Are these people having the most fabulous life? I am happy, of course, if they are, but I can be pretty certain they too have ‘hassles’ in their lives, loose ends in their jobs, relationships, etc. They have also had hard times and hard lessons in their lives. Life is fair to all! No one escapes hard times/lessons.
Step 3 Begin to change my ‘Shoulds.’
When I tell myself I ‘should,’ it immediately sends me into a state of rebellion. (is it just me?) Shoulds just make me go into my ‘scarcity’ brain. If I say I ‘should’ lose weight, I immediately begin to load up on carbs. When I say I ‘should’ accomplish x,y,z, it makes me feel I am going to run out of time so I do the opposite, nothing! I automatically believe there is a shortage of something and begin to hoard what I think I am soon to be missing. By remembering that I am lacking nothing, have so much to be thankful for and have nothing to fear, I find I want to create something, or accomplish something. When I’m coming from a place of safety and abundance, my desire changes from should to want. And sometimes it makes me absolutely ok with being 'normal' and doing nothing!
Oh and for those of you who are curious, my birthday was fabulous. So many gifts, so many lunches. My friends and family are generous and awesome.
I posted about it all week!
Got to go...
It’s time to check my FaceBook!