Do you know your underlying motivation for helping others?
We work to earn income to buy the things that are necessary to live as well as to buy things that make life comfortable and enjoyable and even sometimes to buy things that we believe give us status and or recognition as being special.
We serve others, our loved ones/family/friends out of love and a sense of responsibility and also a desire to make their lives easier and or enjoyable also. This also gives us a certain amount of satisfaction/makes us feel good about ourselves.
But, if your giving is wearing you out, the underlying motivation could be the reason.
Do you believe it is your job to make your children/spouse/relatives happy?
Are you often tired, maybe a little bit resentful?
Do you go without regularly, so that someone else can have what they want?
Do you believe others, especially other women, who don’t sacrifice and put others first are selfish?
Do you consistently go along with what your partner or family group wants, even when you’d rather do something else?
Is it easier to just do it yourself, than ask for help?
Do you get attention or praise for how hard-working, self-sacrificing you are?
If you answered yes to most of these questions, you are giving in the hopes that you will be rewarded, or you are avoiding the ‘punishment’ of being called selfish or the withdrawal of affection or attention.
We learn early on how to please others. We learn that going along and making nice might get us a reward and it certainly is a way to avoid punishment. Unfortunately, we carry this rather immature behaviour into our adult relationships. We believe that making others happy is our duty and we are hoping it will get us a reward. Like acceptance, appreciation and love.
The truth is acceptance, appreciation and love based on what you do and not for who you are is the reason we end up tired, resentful and possibly burned out.
I created a worksheet that may help you begin to shift this behaviour. Get it Here.
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