I am currently enrolled in a memoir writing class. It is both exhilarating and excruciatingly painful. The creativity and bonding of the participants is electric and it is so great being in the experience. The painful part is actually reliving past experiences in order to communicate them. This is making me reflective.
I, as I am sure many people do, started out in life trying to be perfect. I took the cues/lessons from all of the adults around me about acceptable behavior and about what constituted success and what was considered failure. I began early to believe that if I were just given the rules then I would be successful AND happy. So I embarked on a life time of self-improvement and self-help based on the core belief that I was not good enough, was disadvantaged, could not succeed without many, many changes and a lot of hard work. I also believed that if I did everything right, I would avoid pain and suffering. I also believed that what other people thought mattered more than what I thought or wanted.
I would say that according to most standards I achieved success. I became well educated, gainfully employed, contributed to society, paid my taxes and produced children who contribute as well. I no longer embarrassed my parents (just my children) and I had friends and family who seemed to like me. Very, very successful. Happy? Not so much.
I had many opportunities, disguised as crises, to ask myself if I wanted to be happy or perfect. Instead of learning and becoming aware of the trap I had set for myself, I worked harder and pursued more self-improvement. Finally, I became too tired to press on and ran head long into realization that I was never perfect. I was never going to be perfect and I was definitely not happy. It’s been painful, but I’m so glad I’m finally waking up. The good news is that happy is obtainable. Perfect? Not so much.
Reading my journals I discovered that my real awakening did not start until I stopped being self-sufficient, self-motivated and self-improving. I began to ask for help. To ask questions. To allow others to bear witness to my mistakes and my suffering. I acquired some tools for becoming whole from some amazing people. All that ‘self’ work was just, well, work. I was not really living life. I had not been in the experiences. Being perfect but not being real.
A year ago I never would have joined a class like this. I’m finally getting that being perfect in no way produces happiness, ever! I am enjoying being human. I am enjoying connecting with others. I am enjoying being opened up and in turn having others open up to me. I am getting happier by the day.
Can you relate to this in any way or am I just talking to my self?
I, as I am sure many people do, started out in life trying to be perfect. I took the cues/lessons from all of the adults around me about acceptable behavior and about what constituted success and what was considered failure. I began early to believe that if I were just given the rules then I would be successful AND happy. So I embarked on a life time of self-improvement and self-help based on the core belief that I was not good enough, was disadvantaged, could not succeed without many, many changes and a lot of hard work. I also believed that if I did everything right, I would avoid pain and suffering. I also believed that what other people thought mattered more than what I thought or wanted.
I would say that according to most standards I achieved success. I became well educated, gainfully employed, contributed to society, paid my taxes and produced children who contribute as well. I no longer embarrassed my parents (just my children) and I had friends and family who seemed to like me. Very, very successful. Happy? Not so much.
I had many opportunities, disguised as crises, to ask myself if I wanted to be happy or perfect. Instead of learning and becoming aware of the trap I had set for myself, I worked harder and pursued more self-improvement. Finally, I became too tired to press on and ran head long into realization that I was never perfect. I was never going to be perfect and I was definitely not happy. It’s been painful, but I’m so glad I’m finally waking up. The good news is that happy is obtainable. Perfect? Not so much.
Reading my journals I discovered that my real awakening did not start until I stopped being self-sufficient, self-motivated and self-improving. I began to ask for help. To ask questions. To allow others to bear witness to my mistakes and my suffering. I acquired some tools for becoming whole from some amazing people. All that ‘self’ work was just, well, work. I was not really living life. I had not been in the experiences. Being perfect but not being real.
A year ago I never would have joined a class like this. I’m finally getting that being perfect in no way produces happiness, ever! I am enjoying being human. I am enjoying connecting with others. I am enjoying being opened up and in turn having others open up to me. I am getting happier by the day.
Can you relate to this in any way or am I just talking to my self?
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