I don’t mean chit chat, social niceties talk—I find that kind of talk draining. Dr. John Gray (the “Men are From Mars; Women are From Venus” guy) states that when women feel safe enough to talk openly and freely about themselves, they produce oxytocin. Oxytocin not only does a myriad of wonderful things for the brain and body, it immediately reduces stress. Talking is good for us. We are wired for it. Men relax by, well, relaxing which includes not talking, because that is like work for them!
I don’t realize the almost impossible standard I am holding myself to until I talk about what’s bothering me. I also don’t talk about what’s bothering me often enough! Can you relate?
We Have Bought into the Idea That Being Strong Means Never Letting on that We Have Struggles
It is my business, actually and literally, to make a safe space for people to talk. I am constantly amazed how bottled up most women are with their thoughts and feelings. We have really bought into the idea that being strong means never letting on that we have struggles (a very male concept) and secondly, we don’t want to come across as wallowing in our sorrows or appearing like a victim.
The Only Way Out is Through
I’m here to tell you, clearly;
- Not only are you ‘normal’ to have struggles (as a mom, as a wife, as a daughter/sister/aunt, as a WOMAN!)
- You absolutely MUST talk about your concerns to get through them. Over time, not talking is seriously harmful to your physical self.
- I assure you, talking about your troubles will not keep you stuck. The only way out, especially for women, is through.
- Answers are on the other side. When oxytocin is released into our systems through honest talk, we physically shift out of our ‘no-win’ worry state into a less reactive, more responsive creative problem solving state.
The Lie That Keeps Me Stuck
What gets me stuck is thinking that because I’m a coach, I should be able to work through my own angst by myself. Let me tell you, this just keeps me stuck longer. Talking to my wonderful, wise sister-friends and coaches helps me untangle my thoughts which gets me out of my stuck place and onto the road of restoration and resolution.
Boost your oxytocin, Talk to Me! firstname.lastname@example.org 403-813-0062
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