My client would really like to end a long-term, destructive relationship.
My friend’s goal was to get fit.
I wanted to be an electric guitar playing rock star.
Where do we start?
Step #1: Choose a Goal
You may have a long list of ‘heart’s desires’ listed in your journal, or your vision board is plastered with pictures of exotic locations or high-end decorative items or maybe you have not even gotten to the ‘I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want” stage yet. In order to get your Risky Business started, define your goal, desire, wish as clearly as possible using words, pictures, origami. Whatever works for you.
My client wrote down how she would like to be treated in all of her relationships.
My friend chose to learn how to paddle board.
I have a magazine picture of a female, electric guitarist pinned to my bulletin board.
Step #2: Do the Smallest Action Possible.
Figure out as many logical steps as possible from where you are now: Point A to you obtaining your goal: Point B. Then make the first, smallest, most doable step.
My relationship client went for a massage and then a mani/pedi
My friend researched paddle boarding on-line.
My first step was searching “Kijiji” for used, electric guitars.
Follow the first step with the second smallest step, but ONLY when it feels good and not a struggle. If the next step always feels like a struggle, see if you can break it down smaller.
Step #3: Commit Yourself
Start to talk about your goal. Set a date. Make appointments. This makes backing out or quitting harder.
Relationship client instituted a freeze on contact/communication with hurtful person for a period of 4 weeks.
Friend signed up for paddleboard lessons
I put myself on my year-end music recital program (I’m a music teacher) stating I would be playing a Bryan Adams song on electric guitar.
Step #4: Be Scared.
Allow yourself to feel all the feelings that are going to come up. The purpose of Risky Business
is to bring up your ‘stuff.’ It is our ‘stuff’ that we think is keeping us safe, that is in
fact, keeping us from our dreams.
This is also the time to channel that fear. Turn it into constructive action instead of destructive
Relationship client used the time she set aside to schedule self care appointments and instituted practices to take care of her own emotional needs.
Friend began doing core strengthening and balance exercises to help stabilize herself on her board.
I practiced playing my guitar until I got calluses on all 10 of my fingers.
Step #5: Step Off The Cliff
Now that you’ve brought yourself to the very edge of your goal, all that’s left is to step off.
Relationship client’s feeling of guilt lessened over time as she began to take care of and nurture herself. She eventually began new relationships with people who valued and appreciated her for who she was, not what she did for them.
My friend took her paddleboard lessons. She now paddleboards every chance she gets and happens to be in the best shape of her life.
I played my song at my recital. I shredded a couple solo parts and even sang!
I missed some notes. I sang badly. I was so happy that I did not die! And then an amazing thing
happened…the students and their parents and siblings flooded me with comments about my courage and now they too want to take their own risks.
Step #6: Repeat until you've made all your dreams come true.